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kind hands Feb 25
this nauseating numbness
eats away
day after day

endless
relentless
repressive
scream

and still
the water drips
tipping me
from restless

ripping me
towards a man
whos broken and helpless

it wears me down
screaming
hoarse and breathless

it dont change
day after day

grab it
but i cant catch it
its my life
and its passing me by
kind hands Feb 28
this rubiks cube
is spinning & dancing
and im always ******* grasping

empty hands
clasp again
im tired of this grey noose

house of straw
built once more
or will it take root

share your words
share your thoughts
help me navigate
wasnt any reason for me to lie.
the scars and bruises where they lie
why on earth do you doubt
why do you push and shove and shout

selfishly sick is what i be
the trauma fake? oh honestly!
i let it happen
i hurt myself
i do it all
and don't ask for help

i am failing critically
i am sick, selfishly.

i let you laugh
i let you lie
i kiss my "normal" life goodbye.
i let my thoughts
dissipate
let the next person take my place

if i lied for over a year
wouldnt that make the truth everclear?
foggy memories swirling endlessly

we are sick, selfishly

-yjp
a poem about our mother not being able to accept our disorder.
(dx)
kathleen Feb 27
I’m a girl, but the voice in my head that says, "You're worthless" is Bruce.
Because the evils women have put in my head are minuscule compared to the utter horrors men have put—no, carved into my skull.
Because men have created this torture chamber disguised as a body, and I’m trapped inside with the harsh muttering of Bruce in my ear.
Grey Feb 27
I was a kaleidoscope

Every hope,faith

I made symmetrical pattern

Yet I know nothing

I Saw the world through
magnified lens,
Microfying lense

Before I knew to pronounce letters greater than five

Yet I know nothing

The power to completely
detach from my soul

Yet be Completely entwined

The web of veins
That cannot function
without the other
Yet I know nothing

Pain far worse
Worse than shrivel of knives
Scattered through all my senses
Yet I know nothing

The vastnes of pain
Each knowledge it comes with
I've been through it
Understood it
Empathatise it
Yet I know nothing

Yes I am That kaleidoscope
My limitation is only war
A defect I'm happy with
Iska Feb 25
You may not know it:
But your words
They eat away at me

Each harsh remark
taking bite size chunks
out of my capacity to last the day.

Unknowingly sharpened to weapons
Wielded against my rational evaluation
cutting away the ability
To complete the tasks of the day.

Your pressured speech
It suffocates my ability to communicate
My garbled words gurgle and ooze
like life blood from a hollow wound.

Hours of anxiety are whittled away
with the chisel of your exasperation
A moment for you stretches on to my year
You’ve moved on and I’m frozen here.

Your words are weighted
And my sodden corpse
cannot process the flow of your disdain.

I mumble apologies
and miscommunication
as you add another layer
Like a wheel at a fair
we loop;

Until it skips
like a record
and you hop off the track.

I look over and you’re gone
As I sit on the rubble of the rest of my day
Wondering if you kissed me goodbye.

Carrying the strength of your volume
Ringing through my mind
Pleading with eggshells
to splinter in silence
for fear of continuing the cycle’s chime.

You may not know this:
But your words
Impress upon me
An echo of the mind

Much like drowning
I choke as I consume
Inflicting wounds
You never knew were there.
Vrinda Feb 24
They said, "Be mature, you're our only daughter,  
We have expectations, don't drift any farther."  
Not knowing how they crushed each hope she had,  
And left her heart empty, forever sad.  

They told her to act like a child, to play,  
But when could she? She was forced to obey.  
Left alone in a house that was dark and cold,  
She grew strong, but her heart turned old.  

They said, "You're tough, don't cry over pain,  
These little scratches are nothing to explain."  
Not seeing she'd grow, hurting deep inside,  
Where pain was a secret, she could never hide.  

She thought it was fine, that it was okay,  
She still does it now, though it hurts every day.  
Punished for things that she'd never done,  
Now she repeats it when the day is done.  

She was invincible, or so they believed,  
But deep down, she was neglected, deceived.  
Never loved, just a little girl.
just a new version of my old poem little girl <3
Pixie Feb 23
The greenery of this place never fooled me
The sky just looks so fake,
the clouds are drawn on.
Im at the park on the swings
I need to feel something in my stomach before I waste away at the young ripe age of 5

Just 8 years later getting fingered on the same slide I was afraid of as a little girl
The wind from the past keeps the swings on the playground moving higher
Doing the things that are bad for me
Just to feel lighter

When I'm 15 I have no place to be
No one and nothing to call home
Not even my body is somewhere I know.  
I pop a xannie for the thrill
Hoping that stranger I messaged will take me away from the godforsaken place

This stupid park that holds me so captive.
Run away can't face what is happening
In my head, I'm already dead
Nothing is real
take a Xanax
I only like doing the things that are bad for me
I only like feelings if they're going to make me bleed
I don't care about the context
Of my universal insignificance, I can't even repent. Sitting here on the floor. Higher than the swings ever brought me.
Crashing harder and harder each time I speak.
I can't get off the swing.
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