let me tell you
the sky was a piece of cardboard.
i was 16, painting
it black.
something precocious.
a beginner at beautiful.

i sat under this night i created,
waiting for someone like you
to nod and hold my my head and
tell me, tell me, tell me
you're it, you're all the ocean rushed into one
you're it.

oh i never believed in you.
nor the black night which was just black
cardboard but you
came along anyway -
ambling in and i didn't understand
if you were carrying light bulbs or not
whether they were burnt out or not,
whether this was still darkness.

but we talked.
and spoke and thought and
talked. we talked.
our words became
pinholes
pricked into the cardboard.

and i saw it then
for what it was
but i tried to hold the darkness, tried
to pull the blindfold tighter.
i saw it

a blackboard
dotted with white chalk.
the sequins on my birthday frock.
handfuls of glitter
spilling through a net.
i saw.

how we filled the night with stars.
how we didn't know what it was.

yet we wrote
we would remember.
how strange, how rare, how true.
our hands enfolded
we punched the roof.

look,
a hole.
some light.

a moon.

let me tell you
the sky in fact is
blue.

It's coming to a rest.

Welcome new beginnings.

The transformation has just completed.

Time for New Phase.

When the mirror shatters,
What you reflect to society,
No longer matters,
Because the construction one,
Has built upon themselves,  
Is now on the floor,
Cracked into pieces of shattered fragments,
And now what you were then is now no more,
Now the only piece you have left,
Is the peace in your soul.

I like to think of myself as a piece of paper,
Delicate,
Easily scrunched into a ball
And disposed of,
With ease you can punch
A hole through me,
I can be torn apart
At the hands of another
And be discarded.

But as fragile as I may appear,
I also possess strength that no one
Could ever conjure in their head.
I absorb ink,
Preserving the overwhelming
Creativity that flows,
I can be folded
Over and over again
Until I am an origami masterpiece,
I can be the vessel
Of vast knowledge,
Used as a means of holding
Secrets that everybody
Wants hidden.

The best part is,
Is that I can be recycled,
No matter how many times
I am broken down
I am transformed,
And every essence,
Every fibre of my being
Exists in every corner
Of the world.

I don't feel like myself. Now that is a contradiction in itself, for who I am is different than who I was and who I was is different from before.
I was
am and
will be
constantly changing, so who is to say that me not feeling like myself now is not just me becoming who I will be next? What should be said is I don't feel like who I want to be.
Because this transformation was an unwanted arrival. I never asked to be put into this chrysalis. Even now I am shouting from the inside for someone to let me out.
This is not what I wanted.
This is not what I want.
This is not what I will ever want.

I don’t want to be this new me.

Oh Death,
you my favorite card,
you my wildest courtship,
you who broke me open,
coaxed me into spilling my secrets,
and now,
you are gone,
leaving wreckage behind.

But wreckage is not
annihilation.

Oh Death,
you paved the way
for things I never thought possible,
razed the worst to the ground,
without even knowing.
I can feel the seeds of something
new and good
spring up within me.

Oh Death,
I don’t want to die.

Intoxicated laughter, sober rage
Both are made within this cage

Silent prayer and crippling fear
Are always present when you're near

The end of this short time with breath
Mysterious, this launch toward death

                                 ---


                            The LORD will ******
                                                          ­ Every
                                                           ­   One

                                             It seems to be
                                                      How HE
                                                       Has fun


                                   ---


     See now I am completely clean
         And notice how
             these thoughts
                 careen?


                          •••  ---  •••

Let's cling to hope
It's all we've got
We hope it isn't
All for naught

Let's cling to the hope
That God has planned
An amazing banquet
A rockin' band

A natural high
So real so true
In our new bodies
You, you, and you

ALL are invited
And ALL will arrive
LOVE will win
We needn't strive

Just open up
Your weary eyes
And know that here
Around you lies

A magic love
Hidden from view
And waiting patiently
For you

God delights in fulfilling
Every prayer detected
But never...ever
In the ways expected

So "nearer my God to thee"
I'll sing as I go down
And oh so happy will I be
As I transform and leave this town