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Happy Anniversary
My sorrow cannot bear
Your new adopted tone
Your hollow smiling stare

I cringe at the thought
The thought that kills my sleep
This thing that you have wrought
How he goes in so deep

His character exalt!
His back muscles so rare
It never was your fault
How could you help but stare?

Poseidon in his glory
A tool for you to use
I hope you get your thrills
Not more damage and abuse

You can drive him toward your will
Not like your former “love”
Whose callousness you loathed
Like the late “God above”

So congrats for eluding
The trap you’d been in
Twenty two years is a long time
To keep this crazy spin

Away you go; you win.
Happy 22nd (and final) anniversary to Diane Jean
I am so sorry for the death of who you were
My mourning comes in waves

[WHY ARE YOU STILL STUCK, JIM?  IT’S BEEN 6 WEEKS SINCE YOU FOUND OUT!   YOU NEED TO MOVE ON.]

The woman I knew wouldn’t have said something so belittling of my feelings, so casually cruel. That woman has died.  That facade that you presented for years and years and years… has evaporated.   The thing that is left in her place is cold, unrecognizable, off-putting, sick.  I am glad truth is coming to light even if it upsets my stomach… I am glad for myself - that it makes it easier to walk away.    But there’s a part that still grieves.   A part that still imagines the old you is still underneath this gross monstrous skin… and a part that fears that you’ll awake from this haze… the dark magic will be lifted… and you’ll fall apart.   And it will be too late.  It already is too late.  I can do nothing to soothe or comfort… I can only move on, putting your memory to rest.  

We had good times that I will never forget.  

Au revoir
You come back today
I’m afraid to see your face
Since you’ve gone away
An image in your place

Has occupied my mind
An image of you, lost
In darkness, and I find
I didn’t count the cost

Of filing (was it blunder?)
The documents that rip
Our strong union asunder
Was it wrong, I wonder?

Will you come to your senses?
Will the spell be lifted?
Will you then break my defenses;
And, have reparations gifted?

But then I picture you
In HIS arms, on repeat…
And once again I stew;
Can’t sleep, and I can’t eat

But wounds that I now nurse
Will one day make me strong
It cannot get much worse
So, I’ll add verses to our song

The song of you and me
Afloat but sinking fast
Adrift in these rough seas
Without an anchor cast

The only way we’ll save
The friendship underneath
Is taking what you gave
And sinking-in my teeth

Because there was some good
I took from our meandering
But I’ll not hold my breath
That you have stopped your wandering

So, civil I will be
I promise to be kind
Your infidelity
Will slowly leave my mind

And one day we will laugh,
About our childish ways;
About this current gaff,
Or at our chosen phrase

Describing these hard times
As we visit our brood
And laughing at your crimes
Our love’ll be understood
The first of September, first chill in the air
Sorrow hangs heavy, but do not despair

All will work out as it’s meant to
There’ll be a place we will get to
Best friend don’t you forget to
Come and lean on me

~

Remember sunflowers and islands and moons
Remember the way that you made this boy swoon

We can still get past the rough parts
You’re gone, but we still have connected hearts
You’re one of infinity’s great works of art
We’ll soon learn just how to be

~

I hope we will get to a place where we can
Laugh about love while I’m holding your hand

Cause when you hold me I feel love
It’s not even something I’m proud of
But no, that’s not something… I’m rid of
Diane please kiss me goodbye

~

It can mean nothing to you, Dear,
But please let me shed some quiet tears

A little weep on your shoulder, Di
You can just give me the stink eye
I don’t even care if you don’t cry
But hold me close one more time

~

You were my best friend for twenty six years
We’ve had adventures and our share of tears

But also such laughter, it felt swell
Bubbling up from the deep well
When it subsided, I can’t tell
But I hope it’s not gone for good

~

One of these days in this nightmare of mine
I’ll wake with a start and look: everything’s fine

Everything’s just as it should be
My love for you, and your love for me
And this never happened, oh wouldn’t it be
Sweet, if that’s how it went?

~

But love off-you-go now, you’ve been set free
And you won’t hear more “pathetics” from me

Take your leave now from me, lady fair
I’ll picture you with your crazy hair
Flying like sparks through the chilly night air
I still care for you, like I say

~

I pray that whoever you’re meant for Diane
Will be everything you’d ever want in a man

Hope he fulfills you like you need
Hope he’s gentle…AND charming indeed
Be happy you’ve finally been freed!
And you can do just what you want

~

I’ll always love you …a little bit
Because friend I cannot get rid of it
We’re intertwined and it’s hard to break free
Even now that you’re done with me
Goodbye love
Brother Jimmy Aug 29
It hurts worse every day
I hope this will subside
The lover that you threw away
Has a hollow ache inside

The love to which I was clinging
Was only a pantomime
Your cruel indifference is still stinging
But I’ll be stronger, in good time

This loneliness is like suffocating
And my eyes can’t adjust to the light
Here in the darkness I’m navigating
Depths of despair o’er your flight

And now you’re out and I, soon,
Will have to see your pretty face
But there will be no need for swoon
And there will be no chase

I know you’re gone so go…
I guess this is where we part…
But darling dear, I hope you know
I loved you with all of my heart
Brother Jimmy Aug 29
Staring at the campfire, tryin’ to think of reasons
Why you were so savage that you went on ahead
Cruelly pantomiming role of “loving wife” for seasons
Messing with my heart and torturing my head

The undetected longings your anxious heart must’ve had
Were hidden so well …even when we did embrace
And there might have been a tiny tell - a sign that things were going bad
But I am blind like justice; and you were gone without a trace


The signs were there in retrospect, many signs that I had missed
I should’ve felt it when we argued, when you tried to make me leave
I should’ve sensed the wandering, detected in each kiss
That you were chained and looking for reprieve

But hindsight gives illumination, and highlights all your lies
You’re a personality mimic, you assimilate each one
Knowing just the thing to do or say to win your prize
And you won’t be satisfied…not ever… until you have won
Brother Jimmy Aug 25
When you look
Back for clues
They’re all there

Like the smell
Of ozone
In the air

Correspondence
Sounded lame
Did you know?

But I saved
All those ones
Where you show

Me some skin
Close ups of
Sweet jade gate

Shall I send
Them to him?
He’s up late…

With your shirt
Lifted up
Showing skin

Teasing shots
Just to draw
Me on in

But each one
Silly face
Open mouth

Stupid look
(I see you’re
From the South)

Two where you
Call me up
From downstairs

I still recall
Such nice shots
Such blank stares

‘Cause you’d just
Want me when
You were gone

Drunk or high
On the pills
It felt wrong

To make love
With a girl, with
Special needs

Made me shrink
Made me turn
From the deeds

But next morning
Sobered-up
You’d be cold

Like that fake
Bill of goods
I was sold

Lies stretch back
Through the years
Now I see

There’s no love
From you dear
Only me

You’ve got the goods
The stuff I want
(Your *** was boss)

And the nicest
Set of teeth
I’ve *** across
Brother Jimmy Aug 21
Another sunrise, another day
And still, she has very little to say
She calls up from rehab, to talk sick'ning-sweet
About all the folks she now has at her feet

“People from all-walks, who’ve played my same card!
We do meetings, and yoga, and walks in the yard!
And the food is so filling, and tastes pretty great
No wonder inpatients here always gain weight!”

“I’ve met Sally, and Kate, and Pauline, (who loves Pink)
And we’re all the same! We cheat and we drink!
Then there’s Betty, and Paula, and Beth, and Marie
All of these people exactly like me!”

And the thing she repeats in the children’s ears:
“Mommy’s working real ******* herself, my dears!”
As if NOTHING had HAPPENED, talking softly and sweet
But even in rehab, continues to cheat

Not that “WE” could be mended, it’s far past that point
But it ****** me off that while she’s in that joint
Spending our money to get pampered, and “well”…
She’s still chatting on phone calls with HIM.  Go to hell!

She’s been nigh three-weeks-sober for the first time in years
When she calls me to talk, it is not to shed tears,
Nor beg for forgiveness for adulterous ways
And say that she’s sorry she’s wasted my days

But to ask why the children won’t pick up their phones
As she’s still talking daily to the geezer she bones
I ask, “…you really love him?”, she confirms that it’s true,
With a casual cruelty, as I’m cut right in two.
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