as a children we were taught
that boys were not supposed to "pretty"
they were supposed to be handsome,
manly as well as tough,
and a bit rough around the edges

as a children we were taught
that boys were not supposed to be "pretty"
but as you looked at me
glossy lips stained the color of cherries
and laughed as a child would

the sparkle in your eyes had never faded
a smile playing at your lips, you asked
"but i am pretty, aren't i?"

when I was eight, I finally learned to speak
punching holes in walls and cussing out my schoolteachers

my language consisted of violence
painting every corner with my newfound sense of artistry

kick down until it makes much sense
picture only oh so clear
as vivid as the dreams I used to see

blackened walls, mother disapproving
diatribes all telling that i made up my mind.

She looked into my eyes
Until I finally caved in
Her nose against my nose
her lips curled into a grin
Every breath that she exhaled
slowly crashed against my chin
my lips slowly inching forward
until they landed on her skin

Her face on to my face
and our lips so tightly pressed
One hand playing with her hair
the other firmly on her breast
her nails carved into my shoulder
other hand pulling from my chest
Caught up in the moment
we both started to undress

She knew just how to tease me
knew just how to flirt
She bit my bottom lip
just enough to make it hurt
Kissed me down my neck
and opened up my shirt
I was moving down her hips
slowly pulling down her skirt

But there was no emotion
We just gave into our flesh
We were both still newly wounded
and our pain was still too fresh
We were both just seeking solace
and a body to caress
Our bodies full of lust
and hearts full of distress

In mind I feel like I have been suffocation all my demons I have trapped in my mind.as time goes love just seems to be so deeply  neglected. my many mistakes I made just seem to leave tears that can show your honesty to your heart. the music I'm listening to just seems to leave me feeling emotionally drained just like all the sadended lies you left me with. before you speak just tell me if can handle the emotional pain you cause me. if I could change my ways I would be normal just like the rest of society. everything I give to you day and night just seems like you don't care about me. all you do is stair at me like I'm blind many ways your words have. I told you again and again over and over just speak the truth bc your just hurting your self on the lies you are purseing. pretty soon you will run into your fate when all I asked is for you to tell me the truth. anything is possible. look at your self tell me who you truly see or who you truly are. love only becomes true when you just tell the truth. my heart just cryed when you have lied to me my fear is real but the music that I listen to just wraps around me injecting me with pain relief. this world is so scary when your not around me this world is so toxic society is  so dangeriously toxic everyone around me is toxic. what do we do when times runs out? where do we go where do we run. where will it be safe to play sleep or dream. I'm so tired of your dishonest lies so what me just pack up my stuff walk out the door while you sleep whatch me disappear threw thin air. I thought your voice was just lies. I'm losing my patiants  with everything you do that rips me apart.

how did i get to this point
where i cant get out of bed
my eyes look so empty
deep lifeless pits
my body aches
with the pain of being alive

i don't understand
is it chemicals in my brain
scrambled into the wrong combinations
is it something i did
if it was
i cant remember

i'm not gonna last long