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jon Dec 2020
I cannot seem to think on my own.
People think for me and I feel alone.
But without them I would not be around.
I hear a voice in the background.
I say background but do I mean it?
I don't, its probably just another memory slip.
Wait, I do mean it.
But instead, it's all in my head.
My best friend is my bed.
I gotta get in the booth and get emotions recorded.

Everything is distorted.
Things start to move.
I become someone else.
A new person. A new identity.
New everything.  
The whole works. I wish i was dead.
They tell me it's in my head.
I'm gonna survive. I know it look like I'm being lazy.
I promise I'm trying, my head is crazy.
I know I'm not but they don't.
And I know they won't.
When episodes occur,
I just lay in bed,
Still staying in my head.
I do nothing but pick it back up.
Whether it be crystal or my double cup.
My person calls this
Type of cycle insanity.
I love her, my family, she is all I have.
Without the love,
I would be gone.
Without the love,
There would be no me.
I need her just as much
As she needs me.
Without the love,
I do not thrive.
Without the love,
I will not survive.
Without the love,
You can push and shove
And not get anywhere.
I'm so lost in my head,
I don't even know my own way out.
I only know the way to my bed.
Momma knows best as I lay my head to rest.
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
Stress is so heavy
On my shoulders and my mind
Weighing thoughts down
Like an anchor dragging my brain down to a dark murky place
Rebecca Nov 2020
No one sees the internal struggling.
The screams scratching their way up to the surface.
Endless nights crying an ocean into my pillow.
Everyone busy living lives while I am trapped inside my head.
Struggling.
Trying day after day to reach out only to be told that they are too busy to read my simple texts of despair or hear my whispers filled with screams.
"There will be better days ahead" is all I hear but my question is when?
When will those days come because all I can see are storm fog filled nights.
I am
Struggling.
Where were you when life dripped off my chin?
Intaking's a sin. You're a sinner.
I can't eat dinner, I'm not hungry.
It means nothing. THIS MEANS NOTHING.
It's the mirror, and it's controlling.
Reloading another bullet for a throat that's decomposing, and
as acid clambered up my mouth, I had quick thoughts of death.
A moment where flesh and bone may rot away the failed flavor,
yet a knotted mass of pain I'll never lose stings today,
gauging my limbs until nothing remains of me.
This pain is an everlasting parasite, and I cannot be saved,
for this nasty sickness is called a brain to me.
Hello. I'm sorry I've barely ever been active on here, and I know that
I've surely lost most of my following but that's okay.
Stay strong.
Yana Kim Nov 2020
Everyone around me is deaf
They can’t hear me scream for help
I guess everyone is also blind
They can’t see that I’m in a bind
They go in their own merry way
They all left me, no one stayed
I guess I’m invisible
No one could see me nor hear me
I guess I’m invisible
It’s time for me to turn to rubble
You’re struggling but  no one can see nor hear.
old willow Oct 2020
A leaf drifting thousand miles,
against the wind, it live.
A mountain stood arrogantly,
against the withering time, it live.
Therefore, those who persist are alive,
the dead dare not struggle.
Struggling is life, persisting is life,
but life is not struggling or persisting.
I'm going away from home

Flying in a mystic loon.
Passing through endless loops.
Gathering what the world had taken from me. I
May it feels an end And nothing left in the clock of the sand High above the endless sky With huge grief n cries No one left with me I'm lonely and alone Fighting with the blazing sun and freezing moon.

No matter its dessert or hill

No matter how death feels

I'm here to make that evil Neil

But no one's here to make me heal.

But

I'm not a small river

I'm who which make the devil shiver

Everything I lost

, I will take it back at any cost

I know I'll get my vengeance soon

But for now

I'm fighting with the blazing sun and freezing moon
Lee Jackman Oct 2020
Some people call me lazy, They think im being daft.
They say i cant be bothered, that im sitting on my ***.
They say im being distant, Not picking up my phone and pretending not to hear them shout when walking out alone.

They say that i looked happy, like i didnt have a care, when i was dancing on the tables drinks spilling everywhere.
I find it all to easy to hide the way i feel, pretending im not lonely when there's people everywhere. I make myself the center hoping that they dont see, all of the anxiety thats been building up in me.

The problem i have is hard to see, its hidden in my personality, it pulls at my emotions, makes me want to flee i hope this poem helps you see.
It feeds on my fears makes me want to hide, they call it depression, now im trying not to cry.
Every days a struggle, everything i do is hard. Man i feel like such a ******.

So closing this poem the only way i know how is to thank all my loved ones all over the world. You've always been there even when im a prat or or needed to call just for a chat. I love you all dearly i hope you can see just how much you all mean to me.
This is the 1st poem i have ever shown anyone. Please excuse any spelling, Im dyslexic.
T Mar 2019
In a mess I created,
Drowning,
Cannot get out,
Breath bated.
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