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so funny how I'm losing hair losing the weight I worked so hard to keep or how I can relapse after so long being clean, how all I want to be is not sober. fell so behind in school its really hard to say if I can pull it off this time.

cant imagine how hard it would be to not have music playing over everything, my favorite not so favorite song is "all I can see" on top of "whipski".

I want to stop and sit and let myself be cold, but stopping means I might just slip up

I guess its the fast life or no life. helping everyone is nice till you get into this spot.
two words that make my heart shatter
but also the words that still make my heart flutter
even though i know that we ant be like that anymore.

the simplest words that bring back all of your plays
and our inside jokes with all of the laughs we shared
its funny how something so simple can mean so much
when we are old

with wrinkles craved into our smile lines like we never stopped smiling and laughing when we were together, when our hands are cold and move like rusty doors on a broken down car, after our high school reunion where everyone knows your name because of all your art work or the movies you stared in.

i hope one day i'll show you how much you mean to me, maybe i will write them down on coffee stained paper, keep them in a box with a cute red bow your favorite colour.

but that day may never come, till then i will wait.

just like i told you i would, for the day to show you the stars and the moon that you have given me, that i have kept.
i really miss you.. i hope to share these with you soon
its so much easier to climb
into bed and pull the blanket up
past the legs that held you up all day
and over your head that's so stubborn
where all your dark shadows live

crawl back into a hole
where you can wrap yourself
in the blanket that weighs to much
to move even the slightest to get out
and walk three steps to the fridge

so the blanket gets bigger
and your body gets smaller
till there is nothing

but a blanket
                   for someone else
i've been under the blanket for so long that my body holds only the weight of the blanket i thought to be so safe

there are mistakes but nothing is ever perfect :)
The thing that calms me the most about
                  The virus
Is to see how many people run around lost
                    And scared and stressed
Never sure if or when they could die or get it

With anxiety I'm constantly worried
        And stressed
But to watch as the rest of the world
             Break down
There is were I find my calm
The thing about quarantine
Is that it never seems to hold a time value

A nap on Tuesday at 4 pm
Can be a nap on a Friday at 2 pm

You see under quarantine
you are never truely sure

The day or time
     Much like a trap
It's been a while..
I go out

Most nights

They consist of slushes and candy and sweet night time kisses

Most nights it’s dark and I remember to put things back

Not last night

Unlike most nights I forgot

I forgot to pick up and be quite.

Now my most nights will be no nights..

And my sweet kisses will be a wet pillow full of sadness
I messed up forgive me
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