7 am: Up and at 'em!
Tired kids, two temper tantrums and one major headache.
Late out the door,
We're gonna miss the bus!
Ran up just in time to see Kid #1 off and watch her pull away,
Kid #2 pulling my hand,
Crying, whining.
Trudging home, Sighing as the door clicks shut behind me.
Thus begins another day...

8 am: No coffee, again...
4 Advil because at this point, I've built up too much of a tolerance for anything less...
Sit with kiddo as she tries to fall back asleep,
Wander into the living room,
Look longingly at the couch.
"Maybe just for a moment.."

12 pm: Chores, chores, chores.
Kiddo is whining for lunch,
I still haven't showered..
The house is a mess,
Laundry still needs to be done.
I'm so exhausted I could cry!

3:45 pm: Kid #1 is home.
She's cranky as always,
And the war begins..
The kids scream at each other all day until eventually I join in..

5-6 pm: Mom walks through the door,
Dinner is late and she's complaining,
Yelling about everything under the sun,
Nothing I do is good enough..

10 pm: Another tantrum by Kid #2,
Trying to get them both to bed.

11 pm: Thus ends another day...
Tomorrow we do it all over again...

My life and my eyes look so towards the sky that it scarcely notices the calamities within. I look inside the valley but there are years of rain, and I wonder how I could drain the plains again, to stop them from being so heavy. That beautiful blue sky was so unattainable, that now as my wings float me above I look below and realize they stark horror I was blind to. It seems only once I was above it that I could really see how everything is drowning.

But how do I change anything now? I'm not apart of the place I left long ago, and I have no ability to go back. The shadows of those deep waters are something I can't even picture anymore.

Sometimes, though, if I see a bright red ribbon or a piece of glass, I'm painfully reminded of where I can't go back. The place I ran from and forgot only to awaken once again. Nobody may have blinded me and after so long my eyes are clear once more. But I almost wish I were still sightless to save myself from the horrid landscape that was previously what I called home.

I may be equipped with my strength after so many years of jumping off cliffs until I couldn't fall. Yet it still doesn't make horrible things any less horrible. It only ensures I won't jump off again and this time refuse to fly.

I know my worn, hardened heart wishes only to push all of it away, to pretend none of it happened. But I know at its core, the softened part warmed by kind hands, that its something I must face and use to grow even more.

The misery of my land and the rain and the pain are hard to bear. Its more than any person deserves to bear. But perhaps it will only make me better. Perhaps it will only make me stronger. Perhaps, after I survive this too, this time I can fly to the stars.

Its a ride, ain't it? Not just yesterday. Not just today. it will never end. Are you happy?

All the dark parts of me you hate have been exasperated by your selfish actions. Are you happy?

All the parts of me I love and am proud of you call a phase, and insist it'll be gone one day. That's exactly what I fear, and exactly what you hope. Are you happy?

The only person that makes me feel accepted and wanted just the way I am is someone you ridicule and dismiss, making me fear even more being who I am around you people. I feel that you hate me before you get to know me. Are you happy?

I always felt like a monster and in turn became a liar. My brother never feels safe to express so he is practically emotionally dead. My Grandmother showed who she was and tries to make up for her transgressions, and now is excommunicated regardless of her attempts. Everything different be something you squash and beg to hide away. Are you happy?

Now thinking of my past, my childhood only makes me sad and upset. I blocked out most of it until my head could handle it. The way you treated me wasn't acceptable. I shouldn't have been your secret, your emotional parent, your little monster. I was supposed to be a kid. That's something you can never give back to me. Are you happy?

I need space. You will feel me pulling away, and you won't be wrong. It breaks my heart but I need this. I need me. And I certainly can't spend my life cowering painfully beneath the height of my tremendous love for you or ultimately despising you for what you've done. I have to leave, at least for a little. Are you happy?

I never wanted this. I always wanted family, and I always loved you so strongly. But as I sit here and sob over the mere thought of trying to speak cheerfully about my childhood, I should not have to sob while asking myself questions. One keeps ringing in my ears. Are you happy?

I don't want to ever lose you. But I can't keep you right now either. The only way we can last is to part ways for awhile, and let me breathe and show you the things in my pocket and the heart I have grown. I can't love you when you love someone I only pretended to be. When I'm better, when you're better, then we can be a family. Then we can be happy.

Battered by life, yet courageous still, he struggled with each step as he climbed up that hill. He lived all alone, he was now eighty-one, for his beloved wife Alice had long since passed on.  And the shop in the village is at the top of the hill, he walked up there slowly on odd weekdays still.

He promised his Alice that he’d never give in, though it was hard he took it on the chin. And to her memory he climbed up the hill every week, not saying much, he’d no breath left to speak. But there was another good reason why he went up like that, the cemetery’s up there and he went for a chat. With his Alice, who he loved for the whole of his life, who made him so happy while she was his wife.

He carried his bag with a flask filled with tea, and a small pack of biscuits which he ate about three. Together they chose a nice spot near a tree, where a bench had been placed by the council you see. He sat down and chatted to his Alice with a smile, and then listened as she answered him after a while. He knew that some people must have thought he was daft, he told this to Alice and together they laughed.

After a while he gathered his things and then said his goodbyes as he now  turned to leave. There was always a teardrop that fell from his face that he wiped away slowly on the edge of his sleeve.

He carried on like this for so many years, until finally he too turned to dust, but the message he left with his Alice for us, is we should love for ever, we just really must.

©Joe Wilson – Beyond that hill…2016

This world we are living in.
We all want to fit there.
Want to be loved with tender
loving care.
Searching and finding.
Take losses and keep fighting.
Feel love feel hate.
Hope you will find your soulmate.
Find a nice job and
spend time with friends.
We all want to happy in the end.
Your health is your biggest wealth.
We want to live our life
that is so meaningful.
But life isn't always beautiful.
We will get our heart broken.
And going through struggles.
We can't always protect ourselfs
from troubles.
We can't live in a safe big bubble.
Just remember what ever comes
on our path.
We have to deal with them and it will
make you stronger.
Stay close to what you believe in
and love and be proud
in all your achievements.
These are my evening thoughts
for this moment.

Okay - used to express assent, agreement, or acceptance.

The feeling between "happy" and "horrible"
"Okay."

The response people give when asked "Is everything alright?"
"I'm okay."

Don't be "okay.".
Be sad
Be mad
Be happy
Be angry
Don't be " okay. ".

Don't accept or agree, just cause its easy.
Don't think you don't deserve better.
Don't think you are alone.

You are loved.
You are on a journey.
You will face hardships.
You will struggle.

But you will be better than okay.
You will become strong.

One born every minute is the order of the day
Everyday brings with it blessings and curses
The arrival of the new one can be a blessing
Yet it may be a curse for the newbie

What does the world have in store for us
The struggle doesn't stop
For life is rigged with constant ups and downs
New hopes and aspirations dashed
Dreams turn into nightmares

What did we do wrong
It seems like a merry go round
Yesterday solutions are today's problems
It's a game of cat and mouse
Catch me if you can!
When will this stop