i keep thinking
this is it
ive hit rock bottom

but im always proved wrong
by this endless pain
and this endless fall

The very air I breath, feels so rushed, raw and unfiltered. I wish you were here with me by side to witness my desperate grasp for air. Maybe you could offer your hand and a gentle kiss to sooth my fears and caress my demons to their slumber. Speak to me in our native tongue, play our tune and dance till our feet come off. Your absence is the presence of fear, fear to lose you, fear loose myself; without you to catch me as I fall. So far, I have been holding my smile together, but really any dummy could read the troubles in my eyes. I miss you; I miss you now.

growing up smart
you don’t realize how much you aren’t
until you’re blacked out
at 2pm
after not sleeping for three days
drowning in jumbled words
and desperately trying not to disappoint

m.j.n.

The only time I'm not stressed
Is when I've worked myself past the point of breaking

Being too tired to feel is my comfort zone
I feel so at home in running around
I don't rest while I sleep
Instead to-do lists and unfinished problems are scripted into my dreams
Using the backs of my eyelids as a whiteboard for tomorrow's tasks

I can't tell if this constant state of movement is Newton's Law
Or a feable attempt to be enough--for no one but myself

I second guess each right answer, every step forward
My thoughts get a racetrack in lieu of a bed

I know this isn't normal
So imagine what I'd do to be in the moment I'm living
Instead of the somewhere else I always am

Holidays are usually exciting.
But for people who are depressed,
Holidays can be exhausting. Excruciating.
They can be so stressed
Trying to wear a happy face,
They might have a hard time
Eating anything on their plate.
So, if you feel this way,
I have a challenge for you.
It's called operation happier holidays.
Instead of protecting them,
Tell your loved ones if you're not okay.
They may be upset, confused, or even angry at first.
But almost everyone secretly wishes
For their loved ones to be happy and healthy. So do it for them.
But do it for yourself too.
Because you deserve to be happy.

I used to roll my eyes,
when people said love is dead,
but as I wipe the tears away,
I'm afraid hope is too.