What does it mean to relax?
I think I've forgotten true comfort.
Fear is a constant hangnail,
and the summer heat makes my nerves kick in.
My teeth peel skin as I worry and my clothes dampen.
Drawing my own blood, it's a stupid self-induced sin.
Voices whisper in my ears.
"Watch your gaze, or they'll think you're up to something.
They'll assume the worst.
They won't see your chewed up fingers
and they'll only see the thirst.
Your lips parched from heavy breathing."
Who spoke first?
Was it me licking my lips-
causing questions within them?
Or am I the one asking?
Wondering like this when I should be relaxing?
"Close your eyes to heighten the panic,
seems like it's euphoric,
But you're really just frantic.
Open them but don't look at a soul."
I have eyes that penetrate
as deep as their goals.
They speak more than my clothes,
they speak more than my curves.
If I stare at them longer,
and release my nerves,
Misunderstood.
Misunderstood.
I'll relax when reality
And their thoughts become good.

I'm filled up w so much pain, everyday I'm driving myself insane, to you it's all a game but I never wanted to play, I just got ****** up in ways that i can't explain, days pass by and I wish I wasn't alive, I don't blame you my regret nights always start w I, I try to stop myself and try to be happy, try to locate a part of me that doesn't rely on you but it never happens, I need you by my side and I can't find the reason why I guess I'm just a sucker to when I was inlove, this feeling used to be awesome but now it all just *****, good luck to the next fool that falls, I hope they find the true one that won't break their heart, you like to make me jealous and play me like a doll bc you know for a fact I'm not strong enough to move on, you use that against me knowing I'll come back, if only I knew then what I know now man I would take it all back, I would've never met your ***, always down to the point where there's no return and when I thought you could change, I was a fool when will I ever learn? Learn this one fact though, here take a lesson this ones personal, don't let people walk all over you, stand up for yourself don't depend your happiness on someone bc they'll leave and you'll have nothing. Baby where'd you go? This isn't the girl I fell inlove w or we're you playing me since the first day we met. ****.

I don't want to talk, and I don't want to speak, Everything you have say,  well you could let that be, I'm not blind to see, where this will lead, to save to myself from further pain i have to leave, but before I go, we'll you should know,

I will always loveeee you.

Year 26: haven't made friends in 4 years, I forgot.

That moment when you just feel so alone and unwanted that you basically beg to let the tears roll down your cheeks but can't bare to let them.
That moment when you just wish the ground would swallow you up and let you be alone.
The time when everyone is together except you and you feel so unwelcome that you just leave.
When you're in a room full of people but you feel an empty breeze and barely notice the looks on people's faces because you're too lonely to look at them.
That moment when people think you're a snob because they're too intimidating for you to talk to.
When they think you're stuck up because you never strike up a conversation, yet they can't either.
That moment when you just feel unneeded by the world and finally think about really leaving.