Do you ever get the feeling?
When you know that you won't sleep,
The a certain kind of quiet,
That seems to never leave,
A pounding in your ear and a whisper in the dark,
Seem to be the only things keeping us apart,
It's 1am and here I am,
Contemplating life,
Playing it off cool,
When I'm engulfed with fright,
And that's when it happens,
Your creative juice starts flowing,
Even though it can feel quite freaky and alarming,
You reach for pen and paper,
Bleed out your so called closure,
Continue to do this,
As the days get older,
And here you are with blood stains on your sleeve,
And demons in your sleep,
It feels like one of those night perfect to stay awake

you won't understand me when I say "my eyes are heavy" but I mean I haven't slept in 6 days because I keep hearing your car keys crash against the concrete

Here’s a space to dream.

Of sleepless nights staring at starlights,
Only dropping twinkles can enter this bubble,
Of you and I.

You and I

Will meet where crossroads are paused
When cars stop and red lights glow
Beyond the smog of the city. I

will never forget, how eye
to eye, we were traumatised
by the beauty of painful love.

Or maybe, maybe, it was just my
imagination, the way lies
seem like truths
so easily disguised.

Im laying in bed at a horrid travel lodge and sleep can't seem to find me.

Must've been that coffee I had with my dessert, my aunt asked me if it would interfere with my sleep, I said nope.

The day wrestled with her long night
She gazed as they dove into the plight

A screamed out plea like every day
She just did not know another way

At last it had become all too much
She needed a renewal, a revival as such

So she shut her eyes and she filled her head
With things unseen and words unsaid

She tucked herself right into bed
And she let the trance
…con…..s…ume
her.

Darkness is a normal setting of mine
Spending everyday with
Sleeplessness dominating
Jaded is what my life has become

I'm consistently drained
Mentally, physically, and spiritually
Having nightmares without sleeping
Living with no one in a packed household

Life ****** my poor fatigued body
black hallowed soul left me  
Drifting apart from being
Jaded is what my life has become

Let me sleep
Let me eat
Let me forget
The taste of you and the smell of alcohol on us both

Let me shower again
Let my dreams not be filled with you
Let the “harmless” teasing stop
Because everyone believes its harmless but I really can't get you out of my head

Let my thoughts be free
Let me feel okay again
Let my skin feel like mine
Without the ghost of your hands all over it

It was nice
It was not supposed to happen
Let it go away
Let me move on
Let it be okay to keep talking to you
Without it seeming awkward or wrong

Let It Be....

It must be two in the morning.
it's cold. Dark. The bleeding is relentless.
My fault.
I didn't ask for any of this
but in the end it is my fault alone.

I try to breathe.
how?
I can't.
it feels like
liquid nitrogen.
not oxygen.
I need air.
can't breathe.
chest collapsing.

I wake up.

two ten.

still dark out.

got a text
at ten something
from my Bluebird of Peace.
a list of inappropriate but still humorous jokes.

some are cringey,
but I still laugh or smile.
and so guilt and shame are washed from my mind,
as I debate running
to the bathroom
to wash the cold sweat off
that has drenched my skin
and clothes.

I keep smelling iron
though I know it isn't there.

the things I have seen
and the things I have lost
like to haunt me.

I would like to be a ghost.
to haunt them
in return.

instead I breathe in.
I breathe out.

I change clothes,
stripping down entirely to put on shorts and a t-shirt.
I put on his hoodie.
Wait for warmth.
Hold my old stuffed lion.

send my Bluebird
a text.

I need some type of noise,
but all I hear is snoring
and the dripping of a faucet.

I am glad
for instances like these
that I do not
live alone.

at least this time
i didn't cry myself awake.

one day
it will be different.

"That part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail."