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Wrath

No matter what I do or say,
I’m never enough, always a step away.
I try to keep up, wear myself thin,
But all I feel is the burn within.
If I could change, I swear I would,
But trying and failing still hurts, as it should.


Pride

In the mirror, I see a man undone,
Not proud, but broken, the lesser one.
No arrogance here, no smug facade,
Only a soul bruised, and left flawed.
Superior? No, I shrink from the view,
Hating myself far more than I do you.


Lust

Lust is a sneaky, seductive beast,
I’ve given in, but found no feast.
Those urges led to hollow roads,
But I broke free, shed those heavy loads.
Desire comes, but I’ve learned to be,
Unshackled, with a heart finally free.


Greed

I once held tight, refusing to share,
The world was mine, I didn’t care.
But time changed me, and now I see,
Greed’s lost its hold, no longer on me.
My hand is now open, I’ve learned to give,
Unburdened, I can finally live.


Envy

I used to ache for someone's life,
Trapped in longing, never satisfied.
Why not me? I’d wonder and weep,
Until something shifted, I could sleep.
Now I’m a man content with less,
Grateful in ways I never confess.


Gluttony

Food may not be my chosen vice,
I’ve drowned in pleasures, paid the price.
It is but the need to fill,
The endless void that lingers still.
This hunger for escape, it eats away,
But I know its tricks, it's clear as day.


Sloth

I set my goals, yet never reach,
Room to grow, but I don’t breach.
I drift through days, no purpose found,
A ghost in waiting, with silent sound.
What is my worth, what should I be?
I ache for meaning, to finally see.
Channel the grace
Feel the pace
I stood in their place
I thought I recognized the space.

Shiny isn't always gold
Or so I've been told
And death truly is bold
Grabbed my soul and turned it cold.

Got sold sins painted as dreams
Had to have it by any means
I let him have my soul
Only one of us is getting old.

My voice as a weapon
Loaded guns with demons I couldn't let on
And I'll show you hell and fire
It's now, not just a desire.
lexis Sep 19
why do i apologize when im the one who got hurt?
how many times must i search for forgiveness in the hands of someone who limits the air i breathe? while they wipe their sins on my clean clothes, the filth makes me a martyr
my body doesn't feel like my own, the faded scars on my arms seem so unfamiliar
what have i given up to be able to blame myself for all the ways in which someone can hate?
my skin has become unyielding, not allowing the words i have to say spill from an empty canvas onto deaf ears
this heart has caved in, occupying the empty spaces that once belonged to functional lungs -
where have they gone?
everything has become so blue, an ocean has swept me away, and the stars have taken over the sunlight glistening within the waves
why must everything become doomed in the end?  
if i fall to my knees in defeat, face the pain of others and call the afflictions i've been given freely, as grace.
does this mean that I've been saved?
I'm not sure who I am when I apologize for the pain given to me by others. I feel less of a person, I feel like I'm sinking. I can't breathe and I question what will help me ground myself, before I can struggle, the peace of losing myself completely in a place where it's just as unknown as I am feels like a saving grace.
What can a slave offer anyway...
That's the mind of the slave masters and the slaves... What an epical irony transmuted into the genes of the future.. so says, it goes The sins of the fathers...
The slave dealing of ancient times, the mill might have been removed but the wind still blows
The slave of ancient times, the mill might have been removed but the wind still blows
Asmita Ray Aug 26
A strange feeling cages me
Clasping my heart and draining ichor
I claw at my throat,
To only find His presence, close.
Close to my black soul, close to my twisted mind of rogue
Carved and painted an ensemble of white lie
That I don't feel guilty to deny
Therefore, I spread my wings--I plunge in
For a parlous dive with a restrained cry
Egad! My wings are rotting and,
Death hath found me
No less of a thousand sins
Nickolas J McKee Aug 2023
Mom says, “You need a therapist,”
No need mama for trauma.
They can all drink ****,
Got no daddy drama.
God placed me under the shower,
So Devil can ***.
Forgiven hour,
A judgment beating drum.
Dance violent in my own dark,
Raising spirits of my own.
With demon called snark,
Other angel to pwn.
Souls to bleed and let out all sin,
Come Kingdom Come let it begin…
Be all my sins remembered,
Like all of our sins before.

The sins of my flawed father,
That I, the eldest daughter bore

Be all my sins remembered
Rather than all of my good deeds

My sins are signs of my humanity
They’re signs of my shameless needs

Be all my sins remembered
Let her name forever be twined with mine

I have tasted heaven on earth
I am hers to the end of the line
It's been awhile
Anais Vionet May 2023
Grandmère = Grandmother

Peter and I are in Paris, we arrived this morning. We’re staying at my Grandmère’s Champs de Mars residence - near the Eiffel Tower.

One of my Grandmère’s oldest and dearest friends is a Catholic Bishop. When I was little, he was ‘Monsignor Jean-Marc’ but now he’s ‘Bishop Jean-Marc.’ He’s been around so much of my life, he’s almost part of the family. I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that he has his own apartment somewhere in each of her houses.

Jean-Marc is old. I think that’s fair to say. He’s white haired and the kind of short that comes on slowly, with age. He’s a disciplined kind of thin and his deep wrinkles are tanned from years of gardening. His teeth, always visible in his salesmen’s smile, are as white as altar candles.

When I first glimpsed Jean-Marc from the hallway, he was sitting on a cream satin settee, in conversation with my Grandmère. I knew something was up because he was wearing his red trimmed cassock and red sash, instead of his usual black suit.

What I couldn’t see from the hall, was that the room was packed with matronly ladies, dressed in matronly dresses of glittering white, glittering beige, glittering yellow and glittering gold. Argh! I was wearing a white Polo tennis dress, Keds mini canvas sneakers and my hair was ponytailed. I wasn’t dressed for a social. I swiveled to give my Grandmère a sharp look, but she took that moment to be interested in the drapes.

As I’d come into the room, Jean-Marc stood and greeted me cordially saying, “AnnAAAas!” raising both hands up over his head as if he were channeling the pope. Ok, I thought to myself, this is happening. I offered my most innocent smile. “Bishop Jean-Marc,” I said, while performing an involuntary curtsy, conjured from somewhere deep in childhood reflex-memory.

I don’t like priests. Slam me, sue me, **** me. When I’m around a priest, I’m reminded that I’m a sinner and I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. It’s the worst kind of guilt for a Catholic, because we don’t earn any credit for it.

Opp! I just thought of Peter, so there’s lust, right on queue - that’s a sin. Unfortunately, Peter’s not here. He and Charles went on a chauffeured driving tour of Paris. Envy - there, another sin, I’m on the road to hell but I can’t seem to stop, one thought just follows the next. Where’s a priest when I need one? (to confess) Just kidding, there’s one right in front of me.

The bishop began asking me a string of unimaginative questions, like an old friend catching up. “How’ve you been? How's university? As he grilled me, slowly, like a steak in a smoker, the herd of matrons ambled slowly our way, closing in to listen in. It was a scene straight out of the walking dead. I wanted to escape but my Grandmère held me in place, with the full wattage of her proud smile.

Ordinary boredom is an un-experience and all you need to free yourself is a phone. High society boredom is one of Dante’s circles of hell, because you have to interact with strangers when you could be doing something fun instead. The gathering finally broke up about 7pm and I was free to go. I was starving, my throat hurt from talking (about myself) and I hadn’t heard from Peter. When I checked “find my,” it showed him there, somewhere. So I went in search.

Peter was in his (our) room, on his back near the edge of the bed, one shoe off and one shoe on. He was as still as a corpse but a soft snoring suggested he wasn’t dead. I leaned over him, his black hair was somehow more disheveled than usual and his lips, moist and slightly parted, looked invitingly ready to kiss. I didn’t do it though, that would have been asking for trouble. Instead, I smelled his breath, slowly and deeply. Cognac. Charles had gotten him drunk. How helpful.

Once I tucked Peter in, I went looking for Charles, only to find him shooting billiards with Jean-Marc. He looked none the worse for wear and the gleam in his eyes told me he knew what he was doing - avoiding me with the bishop.

As I prowled the room, trying to decide what to do, while picking up objects and weighing them as objects to be thrown, a server brought in a tray with three bowls of cassoulet,* which smelled incredible, my stomach growled, and I remembered I was starving.

Charles, sensing a shift in the mood, said, “He (Peter) needed to reset his body clock. He’s young, he’ll be as good as new in the morning.” I just laughed. Charles knew I’d come looking for him and he’d ordered me dinner. I can’t stay mad at Charles; he knows me too well.

The cassoulet was to die for.
We’ll start our vacation, for reals, in the morning.
BLT Marriam Webster word of the day challenge: Cordial: “in a politely pleasant and friendly way.”

Champs de Mars = “The field if Mars” It’s the name of the Park (the ‘Central Park’ of Paris) where the Eiffel Tower is (my grandmothers house is across from it).

*cassoulet = a gumbo made of white beans, pork, bacon, duck, goose and toulouse sausage in a tomato stock of garlic, onions, herbs, and goose fat. A dreamy French comfort food I haven’t had since last summer.
Anais Vionet Feb 2022
Hangovers are a back-tax on fun.

To paraphrase T.S. Eliot:
"Can last night just belong to last night?”

I’m not thinking about sins and penance
or making any bound-for-failure resolutions.

I’m giving myself a mental health break.
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