i won't make it to see you love me,
i'm trying to die.

she monologued to me,
I was beside her bed.
I could tell that this monologue wasn't meant for me,
it was meant for the stars.
I remember she talked to them a lot,
she thought they were some supernatural beings,
so they would "get it" more than we would.
she probably wasn't wrong, I got in the habit of it too eventually, after she passed of course.
since I knew I was talking to her too up there.

she wasn't talking about anything in particular,
she often didn't,
and I can't exactly recall everything she said,
her words seemed so sacred.
not meant for me to repeat by count.
but at the end of her monologue, she started directing it at me.
telling me that "the universe was made to be seen by your eyes"
and that I was worth a thousand lifetimes.
she never clarified what she meant,
but I took it as if she was telling me that
the world is so beautiful
and so much changes
but I'm beautiful too,
and the changes we both make
are made to be seen together.
the stars and I were made for each other.

No words come to mind,
None spin through my head.
Their sparking shine
Has turned to a dull sheen,
And I cannot form a line.

I am left inside of this slump,
And my mind cannot think,
So now it cannot gaze
Or even drink
The wine of my knowledge.

the murky blue water ripples
shades of Jade concealed
only made visible by the shards of
sun piercing through the layers of the blanket.
dancing and crashing
composing music as we come together
and break apart.
colliding with great force
the land trembles at sight of the crest,
for the power we yield is far too great.
waves demolish the ground we walk on,
washing away the marks we've left.

the storm has now passed,
tides begin to die down.
the symphony ceases
and the sand crawls home to the shore.
silence has infiltrated the bed,
no more movement between the layers of the deep
left in a state of debilitation
all that was once barren,
now kissed with the sweat of the sea.
we part for the night-
two ships carry on- leaving a light trail behind,
with only the glow of the night,
to guide us to our fantasy.

A fever courses through my veins,
And I’m feeling lightheaded
The world continues to spin
But I’m standing still
Wondering to myself
Am I sick with love?

All I can do is stand and hope
That my brain is just on elope.
But sometimes I can feel, and know,
That I’m just a **** dope.

i'll temporarily make my home in your bed
i'll live inside your head

until we're both dead

no wave, no fun, no plague, no one, no saves, no humdrum dumb-dumb luck.
no you, no them, no peace, no fuss, no just, just, just, just, just, just us.
no duh, no soul, no ghouls, no guts, no sun, know theres no waking up.
corona virus cant unite us.
me and you.
no peace, no fuss.

tw suicidal fantasy



This is the last time
The knife will never again leave its drawer
Not after tonight
Not by my hand

I’ll take it out
Unsheathe the tool of my end
I just... I just wanna...
Hold it against my skin

There will be no restraint
Not this time
I’ll dig it in as deep as I can bear
Tear a horrible **** in my arm

I wanna feel the agony
Watch myself bleed out
Until it gets foggy
Until the room starts to sway

Then, I can lay myself down
One last time.