cold water in a shower
hot chocolate getting cold
favourite clothes getting old
movies without the ending I want
ice cream falling in the floor
people having fun when I'm at my worst

on the rare occasion
that you chose to show me affection

it was two bodys together
two souls apart

I used to shower
immediately after ***

to wash away the filth
to scrub away the feeling

let my tears cascade
like the rain from the showerhead

watching my pain ridden bubbles
slowly disappear down the drain

when I emerge you ask me
why my eyes are so red

I tell you I got shampoo in my eyes
you laugh and say how stupid I must be

tell me, who is the stupid one?
me with red eyes? Or you not noticing i always cry after ***?

Holy water rising from your skin
as you scrub circularly
skin cells are dethroned
–there are no rulers here...
   ...we stand here side by side

The soft sun rising
reflects from the small containers
inside the shower caddy
the many colored creams and the one deodorant you keep lopsided
seem agreeable in size
–different shapes look good together...
   ...we stand here side by side

When you look around you notice
That the warm water that rose
liquified over the walls making it seems
as if they were sweating those little droplets
that accumulated all round the bathroom
fogging the mirrors
– the same thing takes many forms...
    ...we stand here side by side

Unraveling the trangled string of a swimsuit bra takes patience. The old wire ones were too suffocating even for something as slow breathing as a breast
two nippes hanging in the cold
await the earth of cloth you are to unravel
–present and future moving closely...
   ...we stand here side by side

i am free.
my skin never touched with ***** hands
my mind never filled with any doubts.

I step into the shower.
If this was a book, the almost-too-hot water would be a metaphor, for the emotional warmth or passion or intimacy I’m missing.
Maybe it is a metaphor. Maybe it’s just cold outside.
Either way, the water sears my skin,
But god, at least I’m feeling something.

I want
the water
to boil me
to cook me alive
peel off all my layers

and reveal what I’ve been trying to hide.