In that moment, what do you remember seeing?
       :My eyes were closed.
What do you remember feeling?
       :His hands. 

Tell me more about that?

       :Him touching me. His breath.

What did you smell?
       :Alcohol.

Where were his hands touching you?
  
       :Everywhere 

Was this on top or underneath your clothes?
       :Underneath.

How did it make you feel? 
  
       :Like a doll. Like I was a *** doll. A toy.

What if anything, you can’t forget about that moment?
       :I can’t forget how helpless and alone I felt. I can’t forget how long
        it felt.
Tell me more about that?
    
   :I don’t know… can I take a break
Yes
What happened after that?
       :I don’t know. I don’t remember anything after that. I don’t
        remember falling asleep.
Let’s talk about the following morning. Was he still on the couch with you? 
  
       :Yes
What if anything you can’t forget about the next morning? 
  
       :I can’t forget the feeling of waking up naked not knowing what happened. I felt numb and empty. I was alone in a city that I didn’t know. I
        remember looking at him sleeping on the couch before I left, I
        couldn’t believe he did that to me… I thought we were friends

The aching burn in the stretch of my lung
pulsing Panama ***.
However furious you loved me much
youth is still a blinding hand; gilded blush.
Bring you closer, in my head-
“Older than your age” he said, he said.
As true as I see growth so near
man of ***** and beard and broken sky
still nibbles, longingly, at my ear.
Every tooth I smile, weak and kind,
begs me not to die another time.
Frees me from a waking mind,
breathing fantasies of cheeks, flush like wine
and to have you between the sweat of thigh
part my lips, grace my hips, part the red sea; dry.
By tomorrow I'll be prim as the birch moon we loved by
don't remind me darling, darling mine.

Sometimes I feel unimaginable pain.
It's always in my mind, within my brain.
It dwells inside all of my heart
And inside my veins

I wish I could forget...
Forget all the tears and pain,
Forget all the hurt and shame,
Forget all the things of my past

I can't sleep my body is aching
the pain in my chest, my heart is breaking.
The bond that we share I thought was so strong,
but obviously I was so wrong.

You forced yourself on me, along with your touch.
I pleaded for you to stop, but you still wouldn't get off.
I closed my eyes tightly, wishing I were somewhere else.
Wishing someone had been here to help

Its time to tell
Its time to confess
Its time for my mom to not have to guess

I will break through
Ill let go of the blame
Its time for me to exit his game

I'll speak the truth
I'll share the pain
I'll stand with survivors
Honesty will reign

I didn't deserve this
I know this now
Hand in hand, justice we vow

Twelve year old girl
Whose world took a whirl
He touched her deeply
treated her cheaply

Ripped apart
She was so confused
But I'm here for her now
Inside she knew she was being abused

'It's natural. It's okay... I've done it before'
****** assault
She thought it was her fault

'It's gonna feel nice'
That's what he swore
The little girl opened the door
He was willing to give more
or take more

Three years passed by
Every day black and white
she still felt the guilt
she still couldn't fight

'I'll tell your granny, you *****'
Sick to the core
It followed her like it was her crime
Turned out all she needed was time

The little girl suited up in armour
She now has an army, an army of survivors.

every first day of the month is yours.

you’re in the cobwebby corners of my mind.
the hollow parts,
the forgotten parts.
or at least the parts i try to forget.

it feels impossible when so much is a reminder-
of innocence lost.
paranoia gained.
fear festering.
time  u n w i n d i n g.

i hate clocks now.
mirrors too.
i hardly recognize my own reflection anymore.
which me is staring back?
from which time?

you lose yourself when you stop keeping count.

*, 2, 3, 4...

there’s a bittersweet taste left in my mouth.
i’ve tried to wash it out, smoke it out;
flush out the ghosts inside,
but the haunted echoes of distorted voices still remain.

how can i move on when i can’t ever forget ?
how did You?

I was frozen to the bed
When he reached inside me
With his hands and his staff
And stole something from me.
Yes, I was bleeding,
But he did not draw his knife.
It was fear that kept me immobilized.
His act, perpetretrated while I was mentally tied,
Has taken my ability to feel safe in my own body.
It has ruined dark corners and altered my mornings,
Left me feeling vulnerable and torn shreds through my psyche.
The **** of a partner ruined all intimacy.
His crime was not one of sheer physical brutality,
But an act of Mental Violence
That has forever altered me.

He should take care not to sunburn,
For he can no longer steal my skin.

Men are dogs;
You can hardly call yourself a brother
With no respect for a father's daughter: me.

A man of God are you?
Plead to him for forgiveness, for your wandering eyes
And unfaithful hands.

It is men like you who lust for me,
As if I'm to fulfill a fantasy
Or be your one time secret

I will never be anyone's one time secret.

If your sons had been born daughters
Wouldn't you want them to do the same?

I joked
I bantered about it
Being touched when I did not want it
I chuckled
I giggled about it
Being felt that way when I did not want it
I set it aside
I disregarded it
Being looked at with the eyes of a prey
I ignored
I muffled it
The deviant remarks when I did not want it
I covered
I draped it
The million clothes on my body when I did not want it

And yet

They uncovered
They tore it
Every fabric that touched my skin when I did not want it
They grazed
They squeezed it
Every inch of my bare skin when I did not want it
They muffled
They ignored it
Every scream that left my lungs when I did not want it
They forced
They pushed it
Every inch of their filth in me when I did not want it.
But I did not stop there, I asked and begged and yelled out my story to all
But at the end
I was called a ****
A ****
Who asked for it.