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redberries Jul 2017
I used to dream that I would one day soar the infinite sky
That I would have white beautiful stunning wings
And I would fly everywhere and see everything
Oh how I imagined the joy I'd feel

Landing has always been out of the question
Never even planned for it.

Do not settle
I've always told myself
Go out and seek for more
I've always reminded myself

Flying above and below clouds
Discovering worlds never shown to men
Oh how dreamy it sounds

However, you showed me what a wonderful dream land could be
How the world looks beautiful too without being high up above ground
How the ground is everything more than I could ever hope for
How being here and feeling, touching could mean much more than watching, surveying

I could not believe I fell in love with land
remembering what I reminded myself
So I got so mad at myself
That I jumped into the deep blue dark ocean
Wanting to drown myself in blue

I see now as I slowly emerged from the waters
Where you waited in patience
That I wasn't caged like I always feared
As I chose to land
I chose to see what was in front of me
I did not give up my wings
Nor did I stopped being a dreamer
I did not loose myself

I just picked up a part of myself
that I never knew I lost
redberries Jul 2017
I am putting my life on hold.

Not to waste it away

Not to
get lost

Not
to disappear

But to become better

To become the best version of me
so I would finally feel like I deserve everyone who loves me

I am not pausing my life
I am pushing the restart button
I am making changes
I am taking out the virus and filling it with self-love
I am learning to love
It is time to change.
vea vents Apr 2016
I have this voice inside of me which drives me to despair;
Even after every effort made — it still berates beyond repair.

I have this voice inside of me, it screams, it kicks, it yells;
Even as I lay in perfect silence, it commands from tortured hells.

I have this voice inside of me, it has multiplied beyond belief;
I see it lies in all I’ve met — proceeds in everyone — without relief.

I have this voice inside of me, one which came from you;
All the lies you ever told me — they grew, they grew, they grew...

I have a mind inside of me, it haunts me through and through;
If I should ever die by my own hand, it spoke to me, through you.

...

I know of parts inside of me, at first I couldn’t distinguish the two;
One from me and one from you, one was false and another, true.

...

Another part inside of me, seeks to end your reign;
Perhaps by then, I will be governed by silence, perhaps by then, it won’t have to be feigned.

Another part inside of me, pleads for a higher path,
It pleads for me to surface, all in the wake of your aftermath.

...

I feel a beating within me, which yearns to live and grow,
*Even in the screams and contractions, a substance beneath me flows.
Head and Heart

"Buddha says that unless you **** your parents you will never become free. Killing the parents means killing the voice of the parent inside you, killing the conscience inside you, dropping these nonsense ideas and starting to live your own life according to your own consciousness. Remember, consciousness has to be more and conscience has to be less. By and by, conscience has to disappear completely and pure consciousness has to be lived. Consciousness is the law – let consciousness be the only law. Then whatsoever you feel, it is your life. You have to decide. It is nobody else’s life; nobody else has any right to decide."
-- Osho
George Anthony Jul 2017
i feel better
when my bones threaten my skin,
stretching it,
pushing against it
like they're about to burst through

i love myself better
and like myself more
when i stop taking care of myself,
just like i did before

and you can call this a relapse
but i'm tired,
tired and tired of being tired,
tired of hating myself

so when i skip a meal,
don't coax food into my mouth:
all i'll want to do
is spit it back out

i won't drop as far this time,
just enough that
my shirts hang
away from my chest again,
away from my stomach

i'll be high
on self-love
when i treat my body
with the resentment i feel towards it

oh i'll be healthier
when i'm unhealthy

i'll be happier
when i'm skin and bones
eating disorder trigger warning
K Jun 2017
I was so focused on loving you

that I didn't realize
                                        I wasn't loving myself
K Jun 2017
you weren't supposed to know
                                               I cried myself to sleep

you weren't supposed to know
                                               I hated every inch of me

you weren't supposed to know
                                               I like girls the same way you do


you weren't supposed to know
                                               I wanted to die too
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