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letters to basil Dec 2020
dear basil,

stop.
look up.
your flowers
are growing.

don't miss it.

love,
basil
WHEREVER YOU ARE ON YOUR ROAD TO RECOVERY: YOU ARE DOING AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH <3

this has been a caps lock psa

28.12.2020
LannaEvolved Dec 2020
Take time to know yourself
Find out about your life

Sit in the den and stay silent
Quiet.

You do not know
Who I am.

I am a Prophet he would say
And you’re mine

I'm all yours
But not whenever you want me
I'd reply

Taking dark selfies in a temple
Creepy rituals with the cult of the Tempili Orientis
Studying Bible names
His social script became mine
When I felt like I was losing my mind
a scripture
That repeats itself in mystic fables
Façades of King Solomon
persecuted by his existence

The script:

I take orders from pastors, aliens, angels, bible thumpers, avengers, excuses from sickness, while he spoke of the devil, talking for hours about ******* to thelema, bouts of depression
He was nowhere to be found.

Behind closed screen doors and
phone calls gone raw

The Elimination of Alive
Took over
Spoke of necrophilia
Casting spells by saying
‘that's hot’
“I miss you” but only ever saw me 1x3

To risk my need and call it yours
When you’re out $125, starving for a hit, no love or affection, beaten to a pulp, and emotionally marred
‘It’s hard to heal’

When his real fam goes by
A man named Sam
He would go with him everywhere
A false son
Playing the part

A spitting image of the dark
Left in a pool
of hypocrisy

This was nowhere.

Off the grid
Forever lost inside a universe
that fails so many.
Not everything can be saved.

He was born into modern day slavery
An absent mother and father
Trying so hard to make it
Money is all he wanted to make
And lost it with his words

Addiction
Tunnel vision
The drug is the delusion
that craves and prayers
Can’t afford

And yet how peculiar that I looked at everybody like they have 3 eyes blind
Feeling like I wanted to leave my body sometimes...

The lost souls out there
That got suckled in

She must know he said.


His script continued:

I am already gone
I had love somewhere  
but impossible to keep
I'm so expired

You're a clown
I told her

But when I look in the mirror
All I see is the loneliness of a dead man buying and selling a dream that can only be found
In a man who is not me.

Begging for bread
The last drop of
pink moscato burns the roof of my mouth

Hot chocolate
Ice cold
And my emotions
Buried in mould
for over a decade
I’m Schizotypal
When I speak to her

I say I miss her but these suicidal thoughts
of death still tempt me
That's why I need Angels to protect me

Projecting who I believe I am
A rich one Flaming
A Rosicrucian Cross on my chest
Throbbing panting for salvation

“I am in the middle of nowhere losing everything that could have ever made me”.  

He was other people.
And that is it’s own Hell
Learning from other people’s pain gives us the perspective to learn about ourselves and nothing can ever make up for that. Not everyone you meet will be for you, but that’s alright because the experience is not a sacrifice. It’s a lesson and it’s part of your journey towards a higher evolution of greatness and the vision you have for yourself and your people.

Do not put yourself down or dwell in guilt or shame for what you’ve been through or the not so good choices that you’ve made when it comes to your relationships with other people. Your growth is more significant and you’re better for it.

Keep striving and live the essence of who you truly are. Never deny it to anyone who tells you what they want you to hear. Words can only mean so much, but they are not enough. Your insides know what makes you come alive. Your mental health and your sanity come before anyone or anything and let no one take advantage of that. There are so many people affected by mental illness that aren’t even aware they have something that makes them behave in distorted ways. You are not at fault for their harm done. You are not at fault for their pain nor are you responsible for their words or behavior. Whether they can help it or not. Mental illness is a difficult phenomenon to pin down. Some know what they are doing and are conscious of their behavior while there are others who are not and believe that what they do or say especially tactics like manipulation and suffering are normal acts that don’t affect people negatively. Staying away from that is not something you should ever feel ashamed of or uncomfortable with because you don’t want to hurt the person and because you are naturally a compassionate empathetic human being. Do what you have to do for your own health and respect for your own life.
You are only responsible for your empathy and your own wellbeing.

Protect that. And the right people will surround you fluidly in the circle of your own magnetic faith. Your being, your health in all ways, and your self-love is the highest form of psychology you can gain. Never forget it. You’re worth it!

You want to use your experiences as a source of power rather than a source of shame.
anomaly Dec 2020
This ain't no love track
Many restless nights of the love we lack
You left me so astray
if I had control, things would be a different way
I'm too young to be this wounded, my heart I feel like you looted
I don't like teaching lessons, you're ungrateful for all your blessings
Sad girl interlude, it's sad for you to assume
All the things you accused me of, hate is what we produce
No time to compromise, while you got me losing my mind
I am in my prime, I am in the deep end
You pushed me past  my limit
Not sorry for being selfish, you didn't value me when I was selfless
Our love got me on a high, my spirit is feeling very low inside
Your love is something I had to buy
In denial of what we are, so below as above
Clouded judgement from the drugs
Not the first time I fallen cause of love
Not the first time I fallen cause of love
This is how it goes, when you don't fall for the one
Wasted potential and fabricated fun
All these contradictions, provoking too much friction
Causing us to be distant
What was all this for
I'm tired of all this resistance
I thought you wanted me more
Metrical composition is my muse & sanity
For Tarot Readings & More Information
Follow (IG/SC) @lu.nasreadings
Have a blessed day, Love & Light
Frannie Dec 2020
Two eyes in the mirror, looking back at me,
Forcing me to peer beyond what the eyes refuses to see.

Begging me to acknowledge what I’ve tried so hard to hide,
So it’s times to be brave and address the little girl inside.

It’s okay to be afraid, I know what you’re going through,
You don’t have to feel alone, I’ll take this journey with you.

I’m sorry for all the neglected cries you have tried to express,
I’m sorry for all the times I’ve ignored you, thinking that I know what’s best.

Forgive me for all the times when I’ve avoided you,
It’s just that acknowledging you is something I’ve tried hard not to do.

Forgive me for all the times I’ve refused to hold your hand,
I’m sorry for all the times I’ve left you sinking in quick sand.

You deserve to be loved and yet I just left you alone,
Please forgive me for abandoning you to survive on your own.

Forgive me for not showing you how to demand what you are worth,
I should have taught you about your value, you’ve been a queen since birth.
Frannie Dec 2020
You are loved
You are worthy
You deserve more
You’re are not to blame
You can do it
You are important
You are beautiful
You make a difference
You are valued
You matter
You are resilient
You are enough
Long drives, chai and that heavy metal song

Days may have been shorter but those nights always felt long

Wonder why these little things

Pinch every moment I live today

With every breath chasing answers

Every prayer cajoling you to still stay

Every day, since you left, feels unreal,

something I refuse to always believe

It shocks me how my mind sets those dark deals

Contemplating your choice to instantly leave

Nights are sleepless, as days pass by

Yet nothing remains other than the regret of those past lies

My heart sinks recalling every memory we shared

Can't even describe how living this life has never made me this scared.

The world without you was still as normal as before

But in my head, it all felt as if I sank just a tad bit more

As I stepped out of those four walls into reality

I left a piece of my broken self among those closed doors

Voices are silenced and memories have faded like sawdust in the air

You've gone to stars, as my fingers tremble to see you there.

That urge to strongly get out of here

never thought it would make me fear

Every word I said repeats constantly inside

As regret fills me up and my will to live dies

Was sort of pain already never enough

You had to teach me this lesson as you rest in the heavens above

Wish I could show you what it felt like

to feel what you've made me feel in this very time

Tarnishing my ability to internally heal

Feeling like I was worth less than a dime

Crying, sobbing, reminiscing isn't abnormal in these stages

Grief is so wholesome, it fades but never ages

Wounds feel as fresh as new as they hit my heart

Rewind is so addictive, can't begin to restart

Dark nights or sunny days

Stormy sights alongside a summery haze

Nothing matches up to such harsh goodbyes

Except me asking a thousand whys

Eventually, I know we'll all find something new to taste,

a new perspective that'll never go to waste,

yet welcoming this novel self that I become,

closes a portion of me that's so tight and numb

Every morning I ask God a million questions

About what may have possibly gone wrong

Agonising this personal invasion

And feeling as if nowhere is where I truly belong

With no answers but teary eyes,

that forcefully shut through these terrible mental bytes,

of familiarity that sticks to you being around,

my new normal is so unbearably drowned

I've been walking on this

never-ending highway to a living human hell,

With a drop of inevitable trauma and

the feeling of frozen body cells

There's a space that remains empty

That possibly can't be refilled

I hope you forgive me gently

As closure defeats the intuitive guilt

The human body has been known to forget

To restart, refresh, retake and reset

But no film matches to the ****** of this one

You were so much more than what can't now be undone

I'm obviously progressing through the present as it may seem,

but that night, that decision, that action still is as if it were a dream,

when the trauma shall surpass, the memories appear,

never had the thought of losing you this year

You're the memory I'll never forget,

those days we spent can't be over just yet,

truth is you ain't here anymore,

you've left too soon and will be missed to the core
Suicide is a really harmful decision. It may leave you in peace but your loved ones remain in pieces.
Jana B Dec 2020
I want to turn for comfort
Seek reassurance
Have arms enfold me
It will be alright.

I want to retreat to base
to tend my wounds and
heal from the heart ache.
Today’s injury.

Glass of wine? Chocolate? Cake?
No.
For now I’ll curl up,
hug myself, write poetry.
Greyisntwell Dec 2020
All that glitters isn’t always gold
Take my words and let them unfold
Maybe it was the night
That took me ahold

I always wanted to be right
But.
I can feel the knife carving,
Into my heart
Into my head

Will you leave me out in the cold
Turn to dust
Oh, how you are so bold.
Frannie Dec 2020
Things that come to mind when people say “ How are you”

Cluttered, jumbled,tangled, confused, intricate, acrimonious, scattered, disheveled, torn, complicated, mucky, annoyed!

Things you actually say when people say “How are you”

I’m fine, I’m good, I’m well...
Frannie Dec 2020
Be Brave
Be Bold
Be Bashful
Be Bodacious
Be Bracing
Be Brilliant
Be Boisterous
Be Blue
Be Blunt
Be Blameless
Be Bright
Be Buoyant
Be Bemused
Be Ballsy
Be Baronial
Be Beloved
Be Benevolent
Be Balanced
Be Better
Be Bomb
Be Bountiful
Be Blessed
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