You disappeared.
I thought I was to be invited to a funeral.
But I would never attend.
Because I would have already gone.

I am so sorry.
I am never there for anyone.
I just keep running.
I can’t stop.
I run from everything and everyone.
I push **** down.
I pretend it doesn’t bother me.
I fake it.
I put masks on all seven heads.
I mash them into one.
I force others to see someone else.
I am too hideous to look at.
I will burn them if they see.
I play with them too.
I entertain myself by manipulating them.
I would be ****** to death if they ever saw what I do to them.
I lie.
I torture.
I ******.
I become invisible beneath the smiles and no one suspects a **** thing.
I cover my hands in blood.
I use those hands to stab.
I use those hands to twist the knife.
I use those hands to hold back their heads so I can watch the light leave their eyes as their bodies convulse and collapse.
I use those hands to tear through their still-warm chests and to rip out their hearts because I am too tainted, too dark, to empty, to be able to grasp a soul.
I take them, and I run.
I realize now: it is not because I can’t stop.
It is because I won’t.
And now I understand:
I am not that sorry.

You were a laughter in the haze
A sweet smiling charmer by the entrance way
Falling for nothing is too easy
I’m aroused, I’m around, please me

It was the lip gloss, it was the perfume
It was the sweat, and the death of restraints
It was the vacant way you came
Falling for nothing

We were in motion with the windows ablaze
I was a searchlight without a face
Scanning every inch of your skin for love
Shedding my flesh from above

My cruel lover
My cruel lover
I played the part just as well

My body is the training ground for
All of the reject demons
My inner demons failed to qualify as the right sort of fight
To match with any worthwhile struggles so

My inner demons are over dramatic children
     They do not wage wars
     They throw tantrums
     They stand inside my temples and pound the walls
     When they do not get what they want
     And shriek ringing into my ears until they turn blue
     Then fall asleep when they get tired
     Forgetting that they were supposed to be upset
My inner demons are pretentious
     They call themselves demons
     When they are more like imps
     They tickle at anxiety with the nerve to call it an attack
     And separate velcro and seams with the audacity to say that
     They broke something
     Then press on my heart
     Daring to call it an ache
My inner demons are clumsy
     They walk with their toes curling around my eyelashes
     And slip and spill their handfuls of tears
     At inopportune moments
     As I tremble due to the ones
     That have tripped and tangled themselves
     In my heartstrings and vocal cords
     Causing me to grasp my rib cage in desperate attempts to reach them
     And tear apart the inconveniences
My inner demons are shy
     They sway in my veins to the rhythmic pulse
     With clawed hands outstretched to the blue walled sky
     Cautious to never leave a scratch through my skin
     They dance on nerve endings and muscle tissue
     With footwork just gentle enough to not summon bruises
     And hold themselves still against my capillaries
     As if their presence might distract my blood from
     Its daily circulation
My inner demons are hoarders
     They over-stuff the filing cabinets in my brain
     With reports and analysis of too many situations
     And pick up old emotions and hide them in the recesses
     Of each ventricle and aorta
     Creating pseudo-space for newer, stranger, replicas
     Then pack extra breaths into my lungs
     Storing "just in case" inhalations and overused sighs
     They insulate their homes with extra calories and extra clothes
     Hiding until they can forget themselves
My inner demons are moody
     They like to stitch up new wounds with the thorns of roses
     And pry open old ones with feathers
     They tie my tongue with pages of foreign textbooks
     They tie my tongue in gauze and cotton
     They tie my tongue with other tongues
     And pins and needles and teeth and drawstrings
     They are self depreciating and they know that they
     Are not worthy of their title

My inner demons are pathetic
     I suppose they're right where they belong

Candy breath tastes like death
When it's all you've got anymore
To hide from cold iron faces.
Pitied love seems like stealing
When you're out of maladies
But you're still ******* on the traces.

So you find something smaller than you
To remove the context
Of what your feeders expect
You've stopped becoming *****
So you've got no potential to prove.

It's times like these that you find
That your life is on the line
But you don't seem to care.
A worm on the concrete has a bigger chance to survive
And you know by now that rain can't help
It just rolls off your shoulders.

Cling from change like a tree in a hurricane.
Sometimes it gets to be more than you'd thought
and all your confident friends fly through
your pulverized shelter from it all.

What a change they've made.
I wonder just how revolutionary
they'll be after all the fun is over looking at just how
ugly their faces can get in the rear-view.

The only thing you ever did was desire youth and feel farther away
every year.
What a crime that is.

once you're gone I don't know just how special their over-bright
minds will get after this last over-reaching manipulative
display of how little of the sugar pouring from their eyes and
mouths doesn't turn splenda, **** the lights in their eyes, maybe
give them one last cry, then let them die.

Apart from this last gasp of hooks spewing from one's mouth the
story's over and you might kite a night time flight way past
any we've ever had.

I want the excuse of insanity, oh please.
Broken record, trinket signpost, golden birdcage.
Fey glare into a reflection, power precaused intrinsic to your soul when expressed.
Give me everything I ever wanted without excuse. I'll kiss yours with my own deliverance, by
my salvation you'll be salved.
Don't let them take you away sad puppy girl, you're all I've ever got left.
I hear the faint sound of a soft melody dim, pounding through the halls like a Clam of Military Din.
Don't hear these faulty beams, I'll be good if you stay around. I'll suffer with grace if you don't, just
keep that affection that causes you to smile so wide at my company sometimes.

My hunger pains lull me to sleep;

they scream victory.