blood soaking through a tissue
telling me
look what you've done
you're not a victim
you're no tragedy
but it's easier to believe
that i am

blood stains my sleeves
asking me
who are you really?
a kind soul?
a heartless *****?
i can't decide

blood rinses down the drain
reminding me
no matter how much i bleed
i can't escape from myself

remember me
as vivid as i used to be.
now i am slowly sinking into entropy.
catastrophe-
that's all i'll ever be.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
hatchlings aren't able to fly,
though they think they are.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
in order to live
and to love,
part of me had to die.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
i would never be
as beautiful or as perfect
as the dove.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
i was worthless,
and if i wanted something,
i had to work for it.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
you were protecting me
from the outside world.
i didn't realize i was suffering.


my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
i couldn't trust anyone,
there were predators all around,
and when it rained, it poured.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
i told myself that
it was time to fly.
oh, it hurt, but still,
your words were never as soft as the ground.

Drip, drip, drip.
As my skin starts to rip.
The past seems to fade
with a two-sided blade.

A thin, sharp metal aid
for the mistakes I’ve made.
Was once glad we met,
now dying of regret.

Two things flow
As I think of us both.
Tears from my eyes
and blood from each glide.

Drip, drip, drip.
the next sad song I skip.
Every ballad I hear,
just adds another tear.

How can I move on?
How can I forget?
I’m having a relapse
and recovery isn’t close yet.

I won't ask you,
‘cause I know what is true.
“I love you” is what you’d say,
and “Sorry, but not in that way.”

I almost never look at them anymore
The scars left behind
White lines
And Dashes
Across my left wrist
One from when my cat scratched me
One from the first time I coped with a blade
One from before I knew how to hide them
I almost never look
But they’re still there, and they look at me
And sometimes, 8 years later
I get so unstable
I want to pick up the scissors
I want to see the pain taking form
So that I don’t have to hold it in
Anymore, but
I don’t because I feel like
It would create a burden on you that
I’m not willing to place and
Because I know I’m stronger than the scissor blades
And because
I like to wear sleeveless shirts even in the winter

Little girl,
you are not the scars on your thighs
or the mocking stares from "friends."
You do not live to be there for others;
you are your own galaxy, beautiful-
unknowable even to yourself sometimes
and that is not entirely a bad thing.
As you grow up,
you will learn to appreciate
the complexity of your solar systems
and you will not need to open up your veins
to see the planets hiding underneath your skin.

Little girl,
this pain will not last forever
and if I could, I would go back to you-
little girl sobbing naked in a bath tub
she turned red with her own blood-
and I would lull you to sleep,
spare you the tears and the scars and the ache.
But your pain will teach you lessons
that no happiness could have;
one day you will rise from the ashes
like a phoenix, wings held high,
engulfed in the flame of your former self.
And you will be so proud.

I don’t know how to say
What to talk
I want to die so much
Communication just
Doesn’t
Cut
It
So    
      I
            cut
                this
                 flesh
                                                  ­         instead
But blood is thinner than the pain that lives in my bones
And though I’ve only just begun to shed my life
I feel more empty then before
Empty and cold
Empty and vacuous
There’s a galaxy in me, a universe
I can’t feel it, I know it’s there
    But
Everything
               Is
    Still

              and empty
                   and pitch
                               B
                                       L
                                           A
                                             C
                                               K

And even when there’s a whole universe of stars inside me,
the light is hidden by the shadow of a
heavy,                empty                 darkness.
And I cannot conquer, so to the shadow I succumb.

circle scars
and you circle scars
all along the lengths of your arms
black where red once
did the trick
got enough to take your pick
crisscross patterns
round your wrists
there's no patch of skin been missed
said you'd stop
so now you take
a pen instead of razor blade
cigarette stays
in your lips
safer than your fingertips
but inside out
you're still the same
circle scars
and you circle

Calm down-
it's almost over.
Just wait a little longer,
and the nightmare will end.
Put down the sharp edge,
and listen to me:
Your thoughts are like fog,
a fog so thick breathing is agonizing.

Calm down-
it's almost over.
Blink and it'll be gone,
the nightmare will end.
Put down the sharp edge,
and listen to me:
Pain won't make it end,
it won't end because it'll cause more pain.

Calm down-
it's almost over.
Close your eyes and it'll be gone,
the nightmare will end.
Put down the sharp edge,
and listen to me:
Follow my voice,
for my voice will get you through this mess.

Calm down-
it's almost over.
Don't let the blood leak out and it'll be gone,
the nightmare will end.
Put down the sharp edge,
and listen to me:
You will be alright,
*soon enough that you will see the light again.

they're faded now
red crosses and red lines
like traffic lights guiding the drivers
gang signs littering the skin the lights are impaled on and theyre disappearing
leaving the yellow metal a dewy gold
almost orange like the crimson never dissolves
instead it
absorbs
soaks into the fixture
mottling the cracked skin and sealing up the fine lines with microscopic lesions
turning ruby black and back to ruby and black and back to ruby and black and back to ruby
drop drop drop drop
smile and black and frown and back to ruby and black black black black black black black black black black black black
black
black
black
black
black
the lights are burned and the scars won't scar
and the skin is black and the blood is black and her body soaks in the black and she is black black black
and she doesn't know how to get the ruby back