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Momoir Jan 2019
Forge a destiny
and just let go of any
                       of my negativity
Listen
           Please
                       Please
                                   Listen
What rolls off of my stupid tongue
is never meant to cause
You're better than that
                       you are so loved
and along with your lows
there will be highs
and balance is the right

Nothing more
Everthing less
INTENSE
Written by my mother, date unknown
Momoir Jan 2019
the insane pain
that just never
relents
i love you
but before you became my world
there were things
that i became enslaved to
and i'm sorry
but you're still my heart
my love
the one real thing
i cling
to for hope
helps me cope
makes me believe
i don't
need
the dope
Written by my mother, date unknown
Momoir Jan 2019
Got so much stuff
                       penetrating my brain
Activists, blacktivists
                       my little girls pain
                       that I have caused
                       her pause to success
Stop the blame game
Prepared instead for the
                       sweet accolades
                       of your future around you
Life is short
Make it easy as you can, love

I can sit here all day and night
                       to tell you why
                       to stop dwelling
                       and start loving
But then I get so mad
                       when you can see me
The opposite of what you should be

Freedom is not a word
It's a choice
You've got it
Use it
Written by my mother, date unknown
Momoir Jan 2019
Just one piece,
to contribute to this fabulous, wondrous world

Something to treasure
Something to remember

A piece of music
A picturesque piece of art
Save a life
Give some hope
To capture a smile
To the heart of another

Just to give,
is my only endeavor

Take all you want from me
If it makes you happy
That's good for me
The missing piece
From the puzzle of life
Lies buried an hidden
Down in the core of my soul

Where my heart beats vigorously
And seemingly endlessly, though potentially
Trying to expose to my brains
Stubborn ego

The creativity that lies within
Buried and hidden
In the core of my soul
My good ol' soul
Written by my mother, date unknown
Momoir Jan 2019
Please don't call me to tell me nothing
When I ask you where you are,
I don't want to hear "somewhere"
When I ask what you're doing
I don't want to hear "something"
Keep in mind that I did not call you,
and if I had it would be for a purpose

Your elusiveness evades and insults me
If you have no trust in me as a friend,
Then why do you call..
Out of boredom of loneliness?

I know you are aware of my feelings,
Are you aware of how tender they are?
These little things to you...
are all so big to me,
I take it all so personal

No more can my precious heart bare burdens,
I'd rather not hear you call at all and just miss  you -
rather than be taunted and haunted by you

If you are my friend,
Then trust me,
I can take you further than you have ever been in your life,
I can make you hear the stars not just see them in the blackened sky
I can show you the choreography done in a flower's dance.
Rather than just see a flower and smell it,
I can give you special magic,
If you have faith in me
And bring you closer to your material needs...
Push you towards your goals and help you achieve them...
And take NO credit when you attain them,
With me by your side... Be assured that you will attain them
My drive is unsurpassed no matter the mountain...
I can climb it...
I've done it for myself, soared with the eagles,
Only after slinking with the snakes and sinking with the lures of life.

Now it's only my pleasure to serve others,
If you have no trust in me, no faith, no belief...
Then I cannot make magic for you, nor bring you relief
from troubles sorrows and pain, nor show you how to enjoy and embrace the rain and terrain of life...
So you can hold fast to the good things when they come.
I have no way to prove to you what it is and what it's all of.

I can only tell you that my loyalty does not come easily
Nor in abundance,
But if you have it, which Paul, you do indeed,
then stop and listen to the music of the stars
watch the flowers dance...

And know with confidence that whatever your cravings on this silly earthly plane are... that your goals are achievable with me as your friend.

And if you choose another path
And choose not to trust me
Then don't bother me
There are other people
That can utilize this unique potential of mine
So all I'm asking is...
PLEEZE, don't waste my time...
Written by my mother for my father,  May 9th 1995
Momoir Jan 2019
The ****** is in hospital with full blown [illegible] one year later
One year ago today
I killed the rose
Because something was wrong
Written by my mother, date unknown
Momoir Jan 2019
A SINGLE yellow rose
tipped with pale burgundy
scented with the bitter sweet
from being plucked too young
STRONG PENETRATING THORNS

******, halcion, alcohol, tuinal
CRACK *******

A ****** sweats on the ragged black leather couch
sick, whining,
in the dismal grey vampire apartment

Something smells
Something is eerie
Something is wrong

Good! You're home with the outfits
there's a knock at the door
Good! the stuffs here
let's drown in the chemical reprieves
because,

Something smells
Something is eerie
Something is so wrong

The relief sets in fast and I can relax a bit
Hey, where'd the rose come from?
"IT'S FROM ME BABE, HAPPY VALENTINES!"

Something smells
Something is eerie
Something is desperately wrong

IT'S TIME FOR ME TO leave, I KNOW THAT I MUST go
Written by my mother, date unknown
Momoir Jan 2019
Money;
So temporal
helps us forget our morals
The damage it causes
contracts & clauses
people starving while others feast
without conscience, the evil beasts!!
That is the preoccupation in our world

Money;
confusing, making life all
twisted & twirled
Surely you can't compare it
To Gods eyes in the stars
His heart, the moon, sweet sister
Moonshine
Guides us in such a tormented world at such a darkened time.

Can you buy the sun?
Can you purchase the planet of love?
No,
But you sure do your best to pay for this destruction above

Money;
a horrid corruption
when all we really need is love
Written by my mother, June 1993
Momoir Jan 2019
I can write you a song
                   or a lullaby
Fill your heart with fury
Or fill your eyes
with tears
                   little one
Whatever comes outta
                   my fateful
                             mouth
I can slow down
and write what I mean

I love you
I'm proud of you

And in those awkward
silences
At times I blurt
                   something stupid
like a stock ****
Pump start the conversation
                   ease up the awkward silence
Watch the fight begin
                   in observation
**** my spoken word
and love what I do mean
Child of mine
What I mean
                   is I love you
                                      so so much
                                                            ­ (I know)
Written by my mother, date unknown
Momoir Jan 2019
Laying on the grass beginning yet another stressful day
Thinking, thinking, things – working my under-developed brain
Worrying, letting the insecurities of life and society eat away at my soul
Then I felt the hand of God warm my skin with the sun
And I got a chance to experience the music of the master
The calm, quiet almost still waters gently washed upon the shore
And in the distance in all directions I could hear the echoes of people content
A laugh, hear a child’s happiness ever reverent while the sun enlightened me
And soothed the coldness I had felt for so long
People to the right of me were celebrating an anniversary
And they began to sing, a large family in harmony
To the beat of the quiet shore, to the rhythm of the seagulls above
children in the distance were everywhere but the tiniest baby in arms was contented
and for a few brief minutes nothing meant anything.
Everything was light and warm
Some pages of the book on the blanket on the grass begin to flap in the mild breeze and I drifted
Drifted away from the uncaring hopeless society I’ve been a part of forever
And upon waking I realized how unimportant the pressure of it all really was and is
The clouds carried me to a place in my spirit
Where I began to understand how irrelevant it all really is
and showed me my character in strength and lightness
they gave me wisdom to be able to not care so much about it all
they made me clear on what’s important like the love, the music, the children, the laughter and the light and warmth that surrendered me…. That Day.
Written by my mother, 1989

— The End —