Pandora's box has been tightly sealed
remnants of what once was
is scattered now in northerly winds
...vision is lost

Dying time wages on
like a war between
decay and the stillborn

Fighting something that
cannot be seen
while loving with third eye open
...soul retrieval countdown

Drifting between yesterday
and today
That is where the sun meets moon

Survival of the fetus hidden inside the blind
spots of a road overly traveled
leaves healing as the daily mantra
...be reborn or die

So black and white is the palate
of this life
...the answers lie in the dark side of the moon

Seeking Sanity~

Anxiety
It's there when I eat
And it's right next to me when I fall asleep
It's there when I'm walking
And it's leaning over my shoulders when I cry
I've learnt to live this way
The crippling fear of being alive has consumed me
It's always there
It graps me, pulls me in, leans over for a kiss, but puts a knife right through my back
I can still taste the fear on my lips as I go down on my knees
I never went this low to the ground
I feel dizzy as I try to pull myself up
But it keeps on pushing me back
I will never get up
Anxiety

My nightmares were your
               pleasure.


Your gratification cut me deeper.

I breathe in your oxygen and all that's left is you
You are in my blood
You are all that's left
And it scares me
What if you don't want me anymore
What if, after all this time, you'll get bored of the way I smile, or the way I cry
All those other people did
They beat me until I couldn't get up anymore, treated me like I was nothing
What if I'm nothing to you?
I know that's not the truth
But this fear keeps creeping up on me
I breathe in your oxygen and all that's left is you
What if you take yourself away from me
I'll be left without something to keep me from choking

Words coming and going
Tame this beast in me
So many toxins
So much hurt to dispel
I must write the pain away

What else could I do?

Every night I vocalize my troubles to the heavens, to the One that I know will always listen

these recurring problems never seem to end
taking in all the pain of the words you never fully thought of before hitting send

I grew accustomed to a life where the bad outweighs the good
yet I continue to be patient... I continue to be misunderstood.

I'm scared that I'll **** up
I'm scared that people won't accept the real me, the person with scars and a history full of pain and abuse
I'm scared that I'll throw my life away by dreaming too much
And I'm scared that I'll not dream enough
I'm scared that i will forever be scared
Trapped in my anxiety and shame
I'm scared that I won't be enough
I'm scared to lose my family and friends
I'm scared to lose my mind
I'm so close to losing my mind
I'm scared that I'll cut too deep
And I'm scared that I'll never cut deep enough
I'm scared of living
I'm scared of myself
I'm scared