One regret
for all those farm pigs
wiggling their toes
one last time
on that ride
to the market
wiggling, wiggling
like there's no  tomorrow
taking in the waning hours
thoughts of their sow
and babies left behind
gasping the last breath of air
and life
the ride, the death march
the winding turns
the roar of a diesel engine
the small cracks in the crate
light filtering in
bringing tears to their eyes
the saddest eyes ever
and the final curtain
for somehow they know
the fattening
destiny's child
this piggy went to market
was a storybook fable
facing all around them
the others know, too
their hearts beating
down
when the truck stops
sorry
not for coffee this time …
collectively
squeals  abound
the crates perspiring, thrashing
the bounty of life
on the dinner table
the cruelty of such
for no cargo is overturned
as the hum of death
nears
sound of the blades
soon rises above the prayers
darkness kicks in
taking in the ecosystem
sadly
regretfully
as wiggling toes stop

Logan Robertson

9/02/2019

I always thought
to look to the future.
What job do I want?
What job can I survive off of?
Who will I marry?
Will I marry?
Can I find a job that I can enjoy and live off of?
What pet will I have?
How many pets will I have?
WIll I travel?
What type of house will I live in?
My wonderings go on and on.
I became so trapped within my mind
that I forgot to look where I was going.
I forgot to look at what I was doing.
Days passed, then weeks, then months, and years,
and I still have no answer to my questions.
But I do have a lot of scars and hurt.
I get stuck in my mind again,
this time trapped in my memories.
Why did I do that?
Why did I say that?
Why are they gone?
Will I ever see them again?
Why did I hurt them?
Why was I so stupid?
I was trapped.
Always somewhere,
with someone,
but never here.
Never in the moment.
My mind moves a million miles per hour,
never slowing,
never stopping,
never noticing what was right in front of me.
I can barely remember so many things
that I should.
All because I couldn't stop my mind.
Lately, I've begun to realize my mortality.
I've begun to ask the age-old question of,
"What is the meaning of life?"
"Why am I living?"
I've begun to realize that I don't know
how much time I have left.
So why would I trap myself within my memories?
Why would I trap myself withing my wonderings?
I have begun to force my mind
to slow down.
To take it easy.
To live in the moment.
It helps.
It really does.
I now know I am loved.
It is not some made-up fantasy or wondering
made in my mind.
I am wanted.
It is not some longing deep behind my walls.
I am needed.
It is not some hidden guilt somewhere.
I mean something to someone.
I can be someone.
I can make a difference.
I can help.
I can make it.
I can do it.
I can beat my mind.
I can overcome my depression.
But first,
I need to learn to live in the moment.
To not let my life pass me by.
To love and to be loved.
I can do this.
I can make it.
I can live in the moment.

Never said a word
unable to cry

She is angry with me
I felt

her only enemy
are those eyes
that cannot lie

I have her remedy
my words
she cannot deny

that I Love her
but I won't tell her
to make her shy

time for goodbyes
but I hope
she realizes
I'm not a bad guy
and feels like I felt

Bravery is swallowing iron, belly pooling with lava, as I face towards the horizon. Death croons and taunts, offering their hand, and I give no response.

"There is time for that, but not now. Not yet."

I watch the horizon grow, before I feel Death's icy hands on my neck.

Big and bold, in the likeness of capital words
burning through my lids:
"WE ARE DATING NOW!" screams at me
in the darkness.
Tell me why, what little happiness that
resided in my diminutive heart, died down without a sound?
I should be happy; smile graceful, heart light as always,
to know that you have found someone.
He deserves you, and you deserve him.
My feelings don't matter, put way beyond the display,
behind, behind, behind.
You matter to me, and come forward
before everything I know and feel,
metallic taste on my tongue,
heart bursting every so slowly,
yet now, I say otherwise.

The screen remains dark throughout the night.

(23 messages from Your Favourite Girl)

but it was crawling back to me
the words you have once said, the worst and painful ones
i came around to think that something is wrong
that has this stupid longing and some strange desire to talk to you is just wrong
that i should not have missing you - at all
then i stopped,
i did not feel it anymore

spring has come and i don't think about you anymore
the way i did before
my morning coffee still taste the same,
but i could hardly feels you in it

it's nearly fall
i brought those candles home
with the hope of never to write about you ever again
or about us - about every dances we shared in the kitchen hall

i hope you're fine, because i am
i finally am...

i have survived a lot of things
i have survived from losing you
but,
i slowly lose myself too