I've become accustomed to it
"Oh the pain, THE AGONY"
I repeat to myself trying to make things seem,

well, better. But I'm only making it worse
Wasting time saying phrases in hope that stress will magically leave my body forever
Belittling my feelings, thoughts, and emotions
Why do I continue?
Continue to continue
Repeatedly putting myself in worrisome situations, knowing the outcome, but constantly trying to avoid the reality of it all

You would think that if I were driving on a road, noticing a hazard, I would swerve. But not me

What do I do?
Constantly continue to put myself in situations I know will be hard

And yet, I have become accustomed to this feeling of stress, tension , and an overwhelming conscience

But somehow, whenever it strikes, it feels as though it's the first time I've been affected.

Tight frayed nerves
Agitation lives in my veins
The pain in my hands keeps me awake
Begging the dark to put me at ease
Pushing consciousness away
Please make it go away
Relieve my tight skin and stifled breath
Panic clenching my lungs in its fist

She was a rough dame
Johnny thought
watching her pass by
kind of girl

to take no nonsense
no lip
or give a ear a clip
bust a jaw

and give what for
but there was
an element
of beauty there

the flowing hair
the fine figure
as she walked
the burning eyes

with her backward glance
aff tae Scootlund
she said need
tae gettae wae

nae mair tae say
she said
then was off
with a turn

of her head
and Johnny watched
her go
her firm ***

big *****
***** like
bundled babes
and then out

of sight
like a bold ship
rough riding
in a dark night.

I struggle and try each and every day
Trying to get all my bills paid
Take care of my kids and myself
I'm quite sure I need mental help
Can't afford insurance, though that's what I sell
I can't find a way to get out of this hell
Work real hard, rewards on the way
That's what I keep hearing them say
I need a car, I need a bed
While still keeping my children fed
No help for me, my husband is gone
Destroying my dreams before he moved on
Went back to school to get my degree
Not quite so easy now that I'm thirty.

I struggle and try each and every day
Trying to keep my bitterness at bay
Not understanding why nobody wants me
Even when I was just a baby
Always coming in second best
Never fitting in with the rest
They say I'm gorgeous, smart and kind
They tell me I have a beautiful mind
I would have thought with all my talent
Life would be less of a challenge
Wishing people would stay
In my life, they run away
Times are hard, times are tough
Not many stay when times are rough.

I struggle and try each and every day
Looking for happiness along the way
I don't have very much time to play
But I need it to keep depression away
Play with my kids, play with my dog
Make glass beads and write in a blog
Sometimes I'm hurt, sometimes I'm mad
Sometimes I just feel really bad
I can't give up or give in
To do that would be a sin
Even though my heart is torn
I'll keep marching through this storm
I struggle and try each and every day
Because giving up just isn't my way.