I ran thru the nuclear Fallout and the Paradise,
fired the bomb and ate the apple.

Saw Heaven and Hell,
but they both won’t keep me.

I swam thru oceans and flew to other galaxies,
drowned and lost myself.

I counted the stars and felt the sun on my skin,
still don’t know how many are up there and I surely,
lost all my energy.

- Rollercoaster

in 1992, a child is born
and handed a gift.

he opens the box labelled "life"
and examines its contents.

a blanket hand-stitched
with hope, perseverance,
and comfort

draped over a teddy bear
stuffed with fearful nightmares,
and heartache.

a blue jar labelled "sadness",
containing fluttering butterflies
symbolizing joy.

a ticket for the rollercoaster
he's finally tall enough to ride,
with no warning
of the endless ups and downs.

that two-minute rush
of adrenaline
followed by hours
of motion sickness.

this child
is now twenty six.

he is staring at the empty
box labelled "life" -

at the worn-out blanket
lying next to
the teddy bear's stuffing -

at the shards of blue glass
and butterfly corpses -

at the torn up carnival ticket.

he regrets ever accepting this gift.

- v.m

love
its a beautiful thing really,
its brutal, its strong
it so deep, and so heartwarming,
and at the same time,
it makes me want to cry, scream
pound my bed,
punch the white cement wall until my knuckles are ******, raw
and the wall has a display of reds.
it makes me want to break an elegant expensive vase, and crush it in my hand.
its destructive, desired, dangerous,
and yet
i want to laugh
i want to sing
and dance!
dance to oh what a night
dance with my yellow watercolored pillow case, with my favorite pillow stuffed inside
oh, love is so peculiar isn’t it?
its spectacular,
and its like standing in the middle of a ballroom
where dresses and suit ties of different hues reflect the chandelier light hanging from the ceiling,
an array of rainbows cast on the walls.
and yet, theres an emptiness…
one I’m afraid i cannot fill, and rely on you to.
its like standing in an ocean of chaos, of excitement and watching it from afar at the same time.
i can see myself swimming with the sharks, yet i am a bystander
as the thread of my life is strung tautly,
i watch myself bleed, gruesomely torn to pieces
i watch as the water darkens from spilt wine,
the wine that was once salty becomes sickly sweet around me
but i continue watching myself become bones stuck in their teeth.
its like being in an aquarium, encased in water,
and yet, still not a part of it, a distance, yet, a proximity
i watch myself drown through the looking glass, unable to help.
the sign says don’t tap the glass, but i pound and pound.
I am the only one watching myself slowly slow, and slowly stop.
stop breathing, stop fighting.
love is holding your breath, being cautious, yet careless.
Its diving recklessly, unsure whether to be sober, or drunk,
and being both.
its like seeing myself on a high diving board, the water beneath is so deep,
it seems to never start, and never end at the same time.
I can see myself, on the edge peering over,
scared to take a leap of faith,
yet relived i can still feel the sharp breaths,
nervous stomach,
because it means i can still feel, i am still capable of human emotions
i thought had left me long ago, before you.

I’m riding this roller coaster
called life,
but the highs
are losing frequency,
and the lows
keep getting lower.

People constantly compare love to rollercoasters
Many say it's because both have their ups and downs
What some don't realize is that rollercoasters do far more than just go up and down

There are twists, swirls, leaps, and loops
There are tunnels and pauses
There are tears, screams, laughter,
suspense, and joy

When it's finally over there's a feeling as if your organs have been flipped and jostled around
Yet still you come back for more
Thats what love is like

It's sickening and terrifying while at the same time it's liberating and exciting
Thats what it means to love like a rollercoaster
It means having your ups and downs as well as twists, turns, leaps, and loops

Behind his gentle eyes he hides a million thunderstorms crashing against, begging to be set free
Every morning there is a sunrise in her eyes, ignited by the fire she conceals inside

Each new discovery is another adrenaline rush
Finding out more about the other produces more epinephrine than a million coasters could muster
There is more to them than leaps and loops

They are untouchable by the hands of time
Tied together by the strings of fate
They are tangled in redemancy for each other and their world

Her love is thick and deep
His heart is pure and rare
She loves with her whole being
He loves with eternity,
Perpetual and without falter

A love without fear or hesitation
A love so strong it feels like crashing
Painful yet soft
It's like being stabbed
Piercing, sharp, painful, and throbbing
Feeling everything and nothing all at once
What I wouldn't give for a love like that

the carnival rides
sitting on the sides
swinging from left to right
going the highest ups and the lowest downs
turning and twisting
so swiftly
as the chilly wind blows ever so slightly
knees wobbled
stars seem to be around me
the whole world seems like its spinning
going round and round
and till i fall down
collapsing to the ground
everything seems so dark
can’t seem to see anything
in the dark
someone please wake me up
from the dreams
as i continue sleeping

I have a hard time
opening up to people

Emotions terrify me

It’s like I’m on a rollercoaster
just waiting for the drop

I feel out of control

So
instead I bottle things up
I never talk about myself
or how I feel
I help other people with their problems

So I don’t have to deal with my own.

uneasy to love sounded like me
a girl who has an emotional Roller-coaster
simply hard to be understood.

for me, love is not just romantic love
not as simple a thing
it can be exhausting, overwhelming
when I stumble can't communicate everything.

but the thing that unbelievable is how you can love me,
but darling you could.
sometimes I'm too selfish because I couldn't see.
I blamed myself, why am I being selfish?

with you, you brought me home to my soul
you reach out my heart, gives me so much love
my heart isn't growing, only you make it bloom.

I'm sorry I love you so
makes me afraid to lose you
but you kept trying to make me believe
that life is in our sides
you want me to breathe and enjoy the ride.