I should have left.
That first moment,
when my heart convulsed.

But i was stubborn,
I didn’t.
I stayed.
I had to know.
I had to risk it.

The body knows,
before the mind does.

Some truths whisper first,
shatter later.

If you don't know where the trail will go
Why be tempted to find out
Stick to what you know you know
Don't listen to your doubts

We don't know how the debate will end
So why start the discussion
Stick to trusted monologues
Don't risk their deconstruction

You're safe with the true tried and tested
With the solace of the known
So why be so curious
Stay here in our comfort zone.

Everyone thinks I’m an idiot.
Even me.

My friends think I’m funny
but not smart,
not sharp.

I got a certificate to belay while rock climbing
just so I could be like my friends,
but Ryan wouldn’t let me belay him.

Claire thinks I’m not good enough
to teach others how to climb.

Mira told me,
“you’re the last person I thought would know the answer,”
while we were studying for a final.

I felt unsteady afterward,
like I was winded.

My mood sank fast.
There was a pressure in my abdomen -
like I had to take a ****
but I was holding it in.

And on the same note,
I wanted to run
away,
out of sight,
so I could **** in peace.

But instead,
I laughed it off
and smoked cigarettes on the porch
when I got home
because I’m too stupid
to read the label.

I am convinced by my own actions, too
although I can’t decide
if it’s my forgetful brain
or just my personality:
aloof,
head in the clouds.

I remember walking through the halls of high school,
friends passing by, trying to get my attention
but I was staring at the ceiling again,
at the scattered marks, how they had no pattern,
and how that somehow made me uncomfortable.

Either way,
the stupidity sticks.

Everyone who's ever lived, ever dreamed, is a gambler. You have faith that your health and your youth will still be there tomorrow, and it seems like a safe bet, so you go all in. Again and again. And you're right. You win every time. But what they say is true. The house always wins eventually. So, maybe you start to slow down. You're worried your dream has changed from a hand of blackjack to a spin of the roulette wheel. So you kneel down, and pray to lady luck for guidance. She replies "taking care of your family doesn't mean you can't keep your dream alive. You just have to make more calculated risks."

Have you perhaps held on too long
to the place that you call home?
Have you let too much time slip by,
avoiding the unknown?
 
It’s hard not to be scared of change,
it happens naturally.
The risk of taking chances, yes
it’s pure anxiety.
 
But staying in this place is death,
you’re meant to rise and grow.
Your heart is meant to be your guide,
trust it and just let go.
 
If you stay here, you’ll just get old.
Your dreams you’ll never find.
So, take this chance, depart…
and leave this old place far behind.

I find excitement in the unknown.
There's some comfort in never knowing what's next.
This is your sign.
choose risk over regret.
At least you know you tried
or maybe you've been waiting
and realized if you did, it'll be fine.
But why wait on time.
Use it to your advantage and grab today in your hands,
claim it yours.
The gods will not punish you for making a choice.
(Take the risk.)
Do not listen to the voice that speaks outside of you.
Do not push away your desires.
These are your dreams that are so carefully painted out
so why not grab the pen and take the risk?