The endless throes
of the insatiable soul
grips and grows
like the rip and the hole
at the end of the
poor man's sole.

The wrinkles etched in her face
are like memories etched in my mind.
Cat Woman played in the background
as the sound of my grandmothers breaths echoed behind me.
Her breaths two seconds apart
two seconds longer I knew she was still here,
two seconds I still had her,
just two seconds longer.
We watched slowly as cat woman came to find her killer
Grandma came to find her last breath.
2 seconds,
3 seconds,
Cat woman wakes to find jewels spread across her bed
and Grandmas breaths began to slow.
4 seconds,
5 seconds,
as cat woman goes to see the lady with all the cats
Grandmas breaths get further apart.
6 seconds
.................
nothing.
As Patience accepts that she's cat woman
Grandmas breaths officially stop.
While Cat Woman leaps and bounds through life to find her killer in the movie
Grandma is taken from me in real life.
With her heart stopping as the doctors prayer ends.
6 seconds
turns to minutes
turns to hours
turns to days
and still every time I close my eyes I see it.
See her chest stop rising
her legs stop twitching
and her heart stop beating.
When it gets too quiet
I can hear her ragged breaths stop
the not so silent room
as we cried and cat woman found her **** as noise in the background.
Now the wrinkles etched in her face
like memories etched in my mind
are just that...memories.
Now she is a memory.
Forever on my mind
Forever in my heart.
R.I.P Grandma
I love you

I am your masterpiece,
I am what you made me; every stitch and every crease.
Like the finest tailor, you cut me open at the seams,
And sewed me back together as a quilt of your insecurities and dreams.
I was hand-stitched and handpicked to bare the weight of your pain.
And in my strength you found another string to pull time and time again.
Before I collapse and fall apart, you sew yourself into me,
So instead of all the holes and tears, it is only the beautiful patches that they see.
Your strength was drawn from my frayed and fragile heart,
I am your creation; I was built for you to use and tear apart.

I saw you the other day for the first time in a while alive and well,
You were happy and had plans for your future
But when I saw you today,
You weren't so well.
All your happiness and plans have been permanently cancelled.
Now you're gone
Forever.

Rest In Peace
You are dead to me
And I'm dead to me, too
because I left too much of myself with you
What's real is real,
and what's real is you're dead
Maybe not in reality
but I swear that it's real in my head
The voices tell me what is true
and the truth is,
even when you're dead I am in love with you

You bend your knees at the edge of your bed and clasp Ya hands together
"Dear ma, You are my definition of forever."
You fix your gaze up to heaven and Ya mind begins to wander, wandering back to the day you were 4 and your life became an unending dark abyss, the day that you stared death in the eyes of your mother, you proudly told me that you have her eyes.
The day you wish you could go back to and alter but never want to relive. The sound of a gun takes you back 13 years ..
This is the day Mother's Day lost its meaning.
This is the day Ya heart broke and grew shallow, never fully able to let anybody else in.
The day you realized you'd have to teach yourself all about being a female. Why every 21-28 days Mother Nature takes a toll on you, why you grew balloons on your chest, why some boys ain't **** and that its okay to like girls.
This is the day you developed a million dollar smile and half hearted laugh that never seems to fade.
As Ya BestFriend, I can see through Ya barricade and I know that you are never to be fixed and your walls will never come down and Ya guard will stay on instant alert.
But take my hand and grow with me, run with me .. Learn to breathe, learn to smile and laugh without having to fight back tears, let's learn to live in the moment and not dwell on the past. At such a young age you gave up your entire world, it wasn't easy and yet you make it seem so.
My definition of forever is also, Ya mother.
-a.m.r

Stella
The immeasurable things i'd do to have you back here
Your presence; I still feel it in the air
Your voice still lingers & the room is filled with your heavenly atmosphere
The scent of your perfume
The way your eyes would bloom
Your walk & the sway of your hips
The way your smile forms with your lips
Like a beam of sunshine
Are all the things I miss
About you.
Why did you have to go? You know there were years ahead of us in which you've loved to see me grow
I dont understand why you were taken from me at such an early age but you know I still think about you everyday
The love I have for you is so strong
Not even death can break this indestructible bond
Those nights I see you in my dreams, I get filled with joy & cannot wait to go back to sleep
“I'm such a paradox” i tell myself
Because it hurts so much.
The tears which fall
are because when I see you in my dreams
, it occurs to me that I really dont see you at all
idk if i'm to put God, You or Cancer at fault.
I say God because it was him who took the homemaker from us.
It was him who took our legs from our table so that we can no longer stand.  
It was him who removed our limbs from our tree.
Why would he do such a thing to helpless me?
I say You Grammy.
I say you because you didnt tell me you were leaving.
I say you because you had us all grieving.
I say you because you departed from our everlasting love.
I say you because you promised you would be fine.
But why did you tell me such a beautiful lie?
I say cancer.
I say cancer is the one to blame.
Where did you come from and why did you bring us so much pain ?
The sleepless nights, the prayers, the fights.
You feasted on someone I held in my heart. You took her soul & left her to depart.
Why do you look for people to take on your wrath, destroying innocent lives & leaving them to fight to survive?
My full hatred towards you is indescribable.
I hope someone puts an end to you & show you that you are
In fact, stoppable.

My disposable plastic heart has been crushed one too many times.