Once, I gave up.
Once, I quit.
I looked in the mirror,
But I couldn't recognize the figure staring back at me—
A failure, a quitter.

My head swelled with thoughts,
Guilt draped my neck like a heavy chain.
My chest tightened, each breath a battle.
My eyes wandered in the silence,
The throbbing of my heart loud enough to be heard across town.

Silent rivers flowed freely, wetting my cheeks.
I turned to the mirror again—
Its cracks mirrored the ones in me.
This time, I was broken, shattered, lost.
I just want to be me.
I want to give my best, but my best has never been enough.

Feelings of low self-esteem creep in.
Guilt shimmers in every word I speak.
Regret follows my every action.
I am frightened of myself—
I have become my worst enemy.

"Help me help us," I whispered, torn—
"You and I, the past and the future—
We can't keep breaking apart."


The silence lingered.
Then, something stirred within me.
A flicker, small but steady.
The mirror didn’t just reflect my pain—
It showed a fighter, bruised but breathing.

I wiped my tears.
I stood a little taller.
Maybe I had lost myself before,
But I could still find her again.

I am not just my failures.
I am not just my regrets.
I am the fire that refuses to go out.
And this time, I won’t quit.

                          Hephzy [D.I.C]

She bears and breathes
beneath the burden
beneath bone-deep silence
not broken,
But becoming still
and storing strength.
The eagle watches
with wide, waiting wings,
Does not force the wind
but riding the rough winds
without rushing.
The horse stumbles
but stands,
shakes off soil
and still
steps forward.
And the ant
small, steady,
soft-footed,
finds the fallen
crumb,
and carries
the weight
without complaint.
She gathers herself,
Again.
Not in haste
but in wholeness
Not with fire
but with
breath.

Skin’s breath whispers along a contour, just toward a mask—
I covered all the fears I wasn’t ready to face. No step. No path.
Only the law of this place: the rules you never choose, or chase
and lovers who kiss, and then debate. That kiss that lingers,
then pretends to take shape; and finally collapses into shame.

But I climbed anyway. Dust settled on the staircase, each rise
slower, heavier—stare at the case; for this trial to court a love
that never stayed.

But the further I climbed, stretching the definition of luck,
I fell down more than once; the air above didn’t fill my lungs,
it just filled my lungs with nothing— it swelled my chest with
pride, hot air expanding this heart, but it was too fragile to hold.

Still— memory warmed me, heated moments in my pockets
I had to tuck. I spent dreams like coins, a childhood innocence
bought out too soon, those poor kids who spent all their tuck.
And hope bursting like a cannon shot, life demanding I give it
my best shot – stretching the definition of luck.

So I climbed, until it all snapped—
I fell, rose, and fell again. Here we are.

This is war!

Not with guns, not with flags, but with myself. Every scar,
every voice in my head is an enemy line I’ve crossed. I fight
with silence, I fight with scars, I fight with the version of me
that swore I’d never get this far.

From being a punching bag to punching back. But it’s hard
not to fall back—into old habits; retreating from myself,
and telling my reflection to fall back...

Headlights slice the black, brief flashes through the dark.
Shut my eyes over myself, let their auras pass like thanks.
To all who hurt me: I’ve grown from you all, see my thanks
and my exhaustion. I’m too tired of you all, to carry your
remarks, too deaf to listen to people who say you owe them all.

Between myself and a tertiary exterior: a third self waits—
the superior version of me, complete, unbroken.
Body, mind, and soul to show off to the outside world...
still searching. Thankfully, I’m on the right road.

to be of use
without abuse
there’s no excuse
a bit obtuse?
well-cooked my goose?
slide on the noose?

that I refuse!

slip on my shoes
spread the news
do not confuse
it’s not a ruse
but what I choose
I’ve paid my dues



© 2025 Mark Toney