I've been scared of getting fat
Walking the streets alone at night
That dark space behind an opened door
And people whispering when I turn my back
To write on the board

I've been scared of creating a scene and others seeing me hurt
Going to the market with a low battery
Of being seen as too desperate
Not catching up and others getting ahead
And my rabbit sneaking in my room to *** on my bed

I've been scared of my Mom seeing me fail
Of being groped on the streets or the bus
Terrified of affection and the idea of being touched
Someone's opening the bathroom door when I got soap in my eyes
Having something pretty that makes me laugh then cry

Let's say I'm scared all the time
Can't help it
The world is pretty terrifying
I mean, it has crying babies who pull your hair
And cute bunnies who *** on your bed
Yeah, terrifying **** like that

But there's One thing that doesn't scare me
In life's unpredictability and harsh realities
A notion that makes me want to giggle
There's just One thing that settles my trouble heart and gives me bliss
The thought that just for a second you might believe...................................
             Such a thing exists

You owe me
The days I spent chasing your every wish
And trying to keep in your lane.
When I fell down and got hurt
I forgot that it wouldn't change your thoughts.

You owe me
Sweet affirmations I offered unto you.
Words dripped in honey to
Soothe all your wounds.
Yet, you're too busy flattering your ego
To offer an apology for you are never wrong.

You owe me
The stars planted in my eyes and the
thorns integrated in my heart.
When I followed your every command
And promised to take you everyday
to cloud nine.
But your wishes was to love and be loved honesty.
By anyone except yours truly.

You owe me plenty.
For my heart is always
burdened and empty.
Cause you usually don't see me waiting
Yet, I'm the one who would bear all your achings.

I would write up your debts.
And make you know your regrets.
But I won't leave you cause I'm sad
We'll part someday with my heart smiling with proof.
You owe me the every joy of my youth.

across the grass, the highrise
becomes the horizon,
as i lie on my back in the park,
and the line that separated land from sky
runs now vertically on
through evening into the dark.

I shutter desire,
I quiet fear,
And drag a rusty blade across my skin.
It's about what I let out,
Not what I've taken in.
These sweat and tears,
This blood that drops,
I hope you all soak it up.
Each of you, like ***** mops;
Never getting anything clean,
Just spreading all the muck around
And calling everyone *****.

The pelican’s wings are so wide on the horizon,
He carries the sun on his back as if it were wind.

His big flat feet arch and land,
propped strong and confident on cool metal.

I see him around our little island,
A confident lone traveller.
Never have I seen someone so sure of themselves and their place.

He guzzles his fish, he splashes sapphire water down his feathers,
And every day he lands assuredly on his perch.

Maybe one day I will have my routine,
Land on my perch and enjoy my life.

Until then I’ll watch him,
A part of me burning for such simplicity,
The whole of me happy just to see him again.

Should Andromeda collapse / Hammering hydrogen entraps
Cresting waves of burnished light / Whitecaps in the endless night
Fly apart with gentle violence / Into eternity of silence

Am I really
just fighting
for
my family
or
is there more
like
am I all
?
so
fighting for
the feeling
of having someone
to care
for me
**** it
I deserve it
I deserve it.

or
could it be
the fight was
Just
a façade
am I All
ready
?
falling
victim to the fear
of failure
?

A certain quality of softer light prescribed, two points in the day are offered to allocate.
Regenerative from the back of each eyelid,
heat fed into the veins as it self designates, this heavenly state settles our frame of mind.
You can pause, vacate or choose to meditate as reflective thoughts are caught through play.

Seconds lost merge into magical moments, when there is no cost to slip away outside. Pupils dart and dilate as we contemplate, bright beams of yellow turn amber red on sight. Watch in wonder at the view from our third eye, helping transport and connect us to the divine.

The sun sets, the shadows fall,
A cold breeze, a weathered pall,
A leaf in the wind,
Adrift in the water,
I try not to quake
I try not to falter.

The Leiermann stands three feet in the ice,
Voiceless now, relegated to vice,
Ill-omened, leashed from behind,
We are the warp and weft of time
We are the darkness,
We are the light.

The Caller shall come,
From the Heavens and from the sea,
Abasing, exalting,
Scattering, emboldening,
They who were foremost, they who were last,
Shall bitterly choke on that which has now come to pass,
There will be no refuge from the Light,
No respite, no night.