To be, or not to be. That is a decision.
To learn, or not to learn. That is a lesson.
To see, or not to see. That is a mission.
To love, or not to love. That is obvious.
To live, or not to live. That is an option.
Who am I? Now THAT is the question.

I want to be silent
In a world that is not quiet
Don’t want to answer the question
So, don’t ask

The questions are loud
Like a SHOUT

They resound in my head
Can’t block the sound out
Let me have QUIET

Hush, as silent as a grave
Now I can hear the answers
Form quickly in my head

Will you ask me again?
I can allow just one more time

And I will answer in truth

We have but a minute before
The rockets fall in deathly tumble

So, ask me through your tears
And angry retribution
Was I the one to bring the insurrection?

Yes, and yes again, I did what I said
A promise, I made to one and all
I am the voice they follow, my loyal flock
So now at the final, we are on top of the pile

And when the storm has hit, then settles
And the world fades into QUIET
I can SHOUT into the silence

i thought we said goodbye
six months ago
but obviously
the way you hugged me today
and whispered that you miss me more than i could ever know...

there's something we haven't said yet
and maybe we need to

because i feel the same way.

i haven't said a word in such a very long time
i don't even know where to start
i want to be someone in your life
i want to hear and know

i just

don't know how

i don't know how to love you anymore,
without dragging up memories
i don't know how to look at you anymore,
and not like what i see

you made my type

i'm honestly afraid
that i'm not as over it
as i tell myself
and that the only thing keeping my heart stitched together
in one piece
is the fact that i don't hardly see you anymore.

you know all my secrets
all my faults
and yet somehow you're a stranger now

but if i picked up the phone and called
you wouldn't be
and that
that is what makes me afraid.

so yes
i feel like we are leaving something undone
one final goodbye
sitting down to watch the broken sunset
of parted ways
together

so that i can finally look you in the eye
and be at peace
with what you are to me

but

i don't know if i'm ready for that yet.

yes i have moved on
i don't love you like that anymore
it aches
sometimes
like today
and not a day goes by that i don't notice the gap
you left behind you
but usually it's alright

i'm not who i was
and you're not who you were
and i know that things are better this way
by far.

so i'm not holding on
i'm not looking back
i'm just wondering how to be friends
because right now its really easy to say
"i miss you"
and mean it, week in, week out
and then do nothing else to change

but i remember the days, when i first started to know you
when i said to myself
this girl
she's a keeper
as a lover or as friend
just
don't ever lose this one

but i did

and that hurts

and i don't know if it can do anything else but hurt
because some things...

                     ...some things were never meant to be.

is this one of them?

I sleep on sheets covered in beer and carry boxes of bottles to the trash room, boxes and sheets and smells that could get me in trouble with the people who wear uniforms
And I put my head on the shoulder beside me and everything is sweat and stale alcohol and three am and I was supposed to do more homework tonight. I was supposed to get more done and go to bed so much earlier.
But here I am, tired and lying beneath Kenyan blankets, atop Blue Moon covers, lightly taking your phone off your chest and setting it away as you slip into sleep beside me
Here I am, bringing you trash bags I bought with my own money, carrying a box of illegalities I didn’t drink to the recycling, leaning into your flanneled embrace in the Sunday morning quiet of the hallway

I will take care of you, no questions asked
I will always take care of you

Before sleep’s waves, in the dark, holding my hand to yours and telling you that I am here to talk— and knowing you will never take me up on it.
Asking you questions because it’s my job, and you say I do it too well, and we both know that that avoids the question in the first place.

I will take care of you, asked questions unanswered
It is 3 am on a Sunday, and I will take care of you
Always.