In the company tower
overlooking my hometown
and its surroundings, I stood fast,

Contemplating my journey and station.
I stood near the apex of this corporate garrison
looming over my city of birth, observing

from walls of large, glass-paneled windows, at heights
I never imagined. Once I had roamed this city
as a free-spirit, floating between tribes.

It was something of a bitter-strange vista.
I had left my home, and on my return
found myself raised unwittingly
above it, something I never
wanted nor dreamed.

Still I am struck by memories

of Love Here, in the town, by the square,
through the park, amid university and the years
spent with friends there; the village I came from
and the house I grew-up in; these times
I never asked to be nostalgic for:

Lazy summers and cool nights
spent wandering over the land
of my hometown

thru ethereal, star-spotted forests
and tranquil, unperturbed canals
which once shivered

with empyreal mind.

I do not know if it’s all illusion—
but I adore when someone lies awake, eyes wide with dreams,
tracing blades of grass, searching for me
among flocks of white herons.

I adore how someone falls in love with me
while watching a deer—hair spilled wild, resting
in pale blue light, waiting, almost breathless,
for the hour of longing to end.

And I adore it more
when they listen for dew to learn if I have arrived;
cradling a young hare, wondering if I, too, am restless;
holding a white flower, smiling softly,
gazing at swans and thinking of me.

When rain falls they run outside
just to feel me near.
I love it—
after the long day fades, or in the burnt stillness of afternoon,
when they return, weary as a dove, and look for me—
yes, I love it.

May they remain like rainfall—
gentle, everlasting, felt upon skin and soul.

It’s strange
how people bring flowers
to your funeral,
but never when you’re alive.

And no—
I’m not talking about the flowers,
or death.

I am nervous.
I feel the moths in my belly,
The kind that make you sick.
The kind where you are worrying
But have not been given the reason to.
I am worried that I love them.
I am nervous that they will break me.
I am scared that they will wake up,
And see me as unworthy.
Unworthy of being called beautiful.
Unworthy of their presence.
Unworthy of their love,
And maybe I am.
They are so good to me,
More than I could have asked for.
More than I could have dreamed of.
I wished for someone to love me for me.
To see me as something special,
But I never have been.
I am not the golden child.
I am not remarkably intelligent.
I do not have a special talent.
I am remarkably unremarkable,
And maybe I never have been worthy.

Not gone,
You are just farther,
Far from me.
When it gets darker,
You are just farther.
Hanging in the expanse
Like a crystal.
Staring at your home,
You are not gone.

An extra in the collection.
A collection of infinite
Sea of stars,
And pages of memory.
Some packed in my skull,
Some hanging out
Like a treasury.
Staring at your home,
You are not gone.

I
Today my heart is beating a sorrowful tune
and I don’t really know if it will end soon.
Since your departure all seems to be amiss
a pale reflection of that once heavenly bliss.
I have been left stranded on an alien shore
to fend for myself groping near your door.
The aftertaste of delight which our union once exuded
lingers on now in memory and feels like I was deluded.
Something doesn’t seem to be quite the same
even though I remember and repeat your name.
Your presence was what made the difference then
such a tangible feeling: will you not come again?
  I can only endeavor to lure you back once more
  so please don’t any of my genuine efforts ignore.

II
I look for you everywhere that I happen to go
but where you’re to be found I’d like to know.
Some say you’re in the heart and to look within
while others assert that you’re in the next of kin.
Life is really a situation of relationships with you
and knowledge of the ways of love gets us through.
If we come across difficulties and obstacles by love they’re resolved
which engenders compassion and understanding as it gets involved.
There are many people in the world who look in all the wrong places
searching for the same thing here in the available surrounding spaces.
Hoping that what they’ll find is what their heart most desires
and to fulfil this craving their mind with their heart conspires.
  Our inner being or soul though is the silent witness observing it all
  and expresses itself as our higher conscience when we heed its call.

III
To suffer in the agony of a lover’s separation we learn
that being away from the Beloved makes the heart burn.
It is even worse when the Beloved has gone away not saying why
and the lover has been left alone in the throes of love high and dry.
The heart cannot bear the pain of love in separation
and the mind seeks to achieve a suitable reconciliation.
When the power of love rules the heart mind hastens to obey
and doesn’t need any other reason to cause unwanted delay.
If all the lover’s efforts to a reunion only end in despair
then it may be better to let the matter rest awhile there.
True love cannot be really denied except at a great personal cost
and in desperation we seldom realise the value of what’s been lost.
  There is a saying that: ‘love will always find a way’
  and that a heart full of love over the mind holds sway.

IV
As I was never given a reason why you suddenly left
I can only assume that there isn’t one and love is bereft.
The heart has its own reasons which the mind can’t fathom
so the mind depends on the heart for matters in its *****.
Where the Beloved goes there the lovers also have to follow
because love is the magnet that draws them all nigh to go.
When the fragrance of love is in the air and lovers imbibe its scent
the intoxicating effect is a strong potion which on the heart is bent.
Man’s feeble mind relies more on the heart when the matter of love is concerned
but if the mind dominates and rationalises through the intellect love is adjourned.
If the mind of the lover is centred in the heart where the play of love is unfolding
it will experience anguish and misery when the Beloved anything is withholding.
  All true lovers will always seek the company and well-being of their beloved
  and are never satisfied with remaining at a distance if love is being uncovered.

V
Whose fault is it may I inquire if anyone falls irresistibly in love
and the processes of love in separation overwhelm as from above?
What can one really do but follow wherever their heart leads
and undergo the agony in seeing that love is not displeased.
In seeking the pleasure of the Beloved one’s life becomes fulfilled
which otherwise would remain barren like a desolate land untilled.
When the Beloved sows the seeds of love in the fertile soil of one’s heart
all that was in there when that time comes must be sublimated or depart.
The arrows of love seek to pierce their target which is the heart of the lover
and the Beloved is the one drawing the bow with intent to **** we discover.
To die for love is much better than to live without we’ve heard often before
and those who lose their life in the cause of the Beloved will live forevermore.
  When the heart is purified and pure love is awakened by the Beloved’s grace
  any who are the recipients thereof realize that love in separation has its place.

You’re everywhere

Emerging continually
In empty spaces
You once filled

Everlasting traces

Pieces of you
Cling to me
Long after you’re gone

Inhabiting my core

Over and over,
My mind drifts to you
Longing

Around every corner

Always near,
But never enough.
Still, i’m reaching

As you echo within me
-Saturday, August 2

Nestled
beneath the calm of your hold

Morning’s light
Folding around us

The scent of you
Carried in the stillness

You look at me
Eyes soft, gazing

My skin remembers
where your hands have been

Silent vows
pressed
Onto my body

Colours,
Staining skin

Blues, purples and yellows

It feels so good
Everything does
It’s almost frightening

The warmth lingers
But time does not hesitate

Hold me a moment more

Let my eyes speak
The adoration
My heart keeps for you

The day pulls me away
I let it,
Unwilling
-Wednesday, july 23

you touched me
and for a moment
i wasn’t flesh
i was light.
i was breath
before the lungs
a name
before it was spoken.

not love
not lust
something holier
like the quiet
between two prayers
that still
find each other.