I always thought
I was too weak
So I found a poison
And started to drink

I started off slow
I wanted immunity
Maybe if I swallowed
I’d be granted impunity

To train myself
To survive this vile
I increased my intake
For an awfully long while

Through my lips
My bane quickly passed
Over and over
I felt strength at last

Until one day
I examined my life
Making myself sick
In my pastime was rife

I decided to stop
This must be my last
But here I lay dying
My chance had past

The poison had found its way
Through to my heart
But I thought I was careful
I thought I’d been smart

A sickly poison,
Coursing through my veins.
Diminishing my freedom,
I'm shackled by chains.

The love you project,
Is not what it seems.
It is only justified,
In my lonesome dreams.

Sinister intentions,
Your affection bleak.
The times we share red,
In ******* I speak.

I live on a poison called privilege
First fed to me at my birth
To white, middle-class, educated parents
Who have worked so hard to keep me
Safe and happy
I have been fed this poison
For many years
And over time
I have grown ashamed of it

I feel guilty
For what I am
My pale skin dripping
With idiotic power
Fed to me
On a silver spoon
I feel guilty
Of my smooth road
Feeling awful
For those who have to walk
Different roads

But I am too weak
For a harsher road
So many people are out there
With strong character
Willpower
Motivation
Work ethic
And I have yet to grow in these areas
I do not fare well outside of my comfort zone
And so I continue to take this elixir
That weakens me
And keeps me alive

I watch this poison spread
From the mouths of others
Who have taken it
Hurting those
Who have not tasted this poison
More than
The poison hurts those
Who drink it regularly
I watch this poison
Cut down people's lives
Simply due to a difference in melanin
Or family
Or identity
Or any of a numerous amount of factors

I guess the best I can do
Is resist the toxins
And keep going
Try and make a difference
Try and find an antidote
Try and help those who need it
And be grateful
For the gift of this poison

I forcefeed my body a poison in the name of peace
When it coughs and begs please don’t  
I hold my hands over its crying mouth and say just one more
The sweet aroma only I can smell when it’s been so long
My lungs cry at this smell
The putrid tears of tar seep into my stomach
It moans a low growl and gurgles it’s insults at me these slurs
              slide
                      down
                               these tubes of mine whispering
over one another as if those  tar teardrops had turned into small souls clawing at me until their grave
My soul lying at the bottom becoming darker and darker