Your eyes brighten
I watch you smile
It's a poignant reminder
Of what we once were
Why do I feel such melancholy
At the sight of your joy?

I have a sudden urge
To engage
In conversation with you
But as I try to step forward
I freeze
And fill with rage

You stare at me...
You never did anything
To deserve avoidance
I simply associate your glee
With painful memories
Of my own

I wince
As it reminds me
Of our past, of us
I just hope you know
That I am yet
To forget you

"DAY 1”
waking up doesn’t feel normal
Im scared to leave my bed
i feel controlled with no power left
This awful atrabilious feeling i have
Just gonna go back to sleep

“DAY 2”
Made it out of bed today
nothing has changed
I have class soon
Im scared to go out side
doesn’t feel right
doesn’t feel normal
Shower to try to fix this feeling

Okay made it to class
sitting in the front row
i feel like everyone is staring at me
i feel they know I’m not okay
they are reading every move i make.
But i know they aren’t
and I’m just thinking to much

“DAY 3”
Waking up this morning
i feel anxious
i have this rushed feeling
feels like the world is waiting for me
gonna go shower

So out of the shower
my mind settled for a little bit
i was comfortable but numb
numb to everything
To scared to go out side today


“Day 4”
Can i even call this a separate day?
I haven’t been to bed yet
sitting on this porch
looking at nothing
lighting another cigarette
**** i need to stop this
another pack gone
time seems to be moving so slow
yet so fast tonight

Its 5am time to try going to bed

Its now 10am sleep isn’t happening
been laying here staring at the ceiling
hoping for something to change
to feel anything
I’m numb to everything
my phone keeps ringing
texts, calls.
Cant even bring myself to pick it up

**** this

“DAY 5”
Things seem to be getting better
i left the house today
felt terrified for most of it
didn’t feel comfortable where i was
laying in bed
i finally feel the war has stopped
my mind has finally caught up
taking deep breaths

5 days of horror has finally settled

time in time we run
to away see a
better day
after rain we show the pain
inside of us we watch
the rain past in a way
that we understand
what's understood should
never be told
we sold to are mother
say we love her only cause we don't
want are father to have her
cops are supposed to survive and protect us
but instead the ****** and **** us  
it seems like they want to annihilate us
is cause we say **** them or is cause we hate them
it seems like they hate us so much that annihilating us is
there only option
and are option is to fight back
while are armed forces are defending us
we are at war
soon there won't be anything or anyone
to defend
but these are just my thoughts

For once it would be easier
To be miles and miles away from you
Than in this room
Where you sit close enough to touch
Yet remain entirely untouchable.