Have you ever go through a night where everything feel so **** even Know everything is going fine. Where you feel so broken inside and just want to scream it out loud yet you can’t. Each tears that drop from your eyes is a pure pain from inside of you where you been holding it in. Right now I feel so useless and pointless I feel like I can never be good enough for anyone. I feel like I don’t belong to this world. My head spinning like my world is going to end. My heart is shaking like is going to stop beating anytime soon, my brain is hurting like thousands of people trying to step on it. I have always been positive with life yet still I have my down moment where I feel like no one could ever understand me. Maybe it’s just my loneliness feelings where I feel like I need a tight hug and someone to tell me everything going to be ok. I feel like no one actually care about my feelings people always come in and take benefits of me. I always wonder what if feel like to be love by the right one. I don’t think I ever been loved by anyone people just come in and go never stay no matter how hard I try to save them. Maybe because they think I’m too soft they can just do whatever they want to me and I will forgive them. My smile always hide my feelings I wonder what is like when someone look at me into my eyes and say I know your not ok and hug me tight.

I remember the look in your eyes
when you first thought of leaving me.
Perhaps I could have put the fire out then
with an "I love you."
But the naturalist inside me decided
to let it rage

I remember where I was when you
realized you were too good for me.
I was selfishly basking
in your company.
Perhaps I could have said something
to make you stay.

By now, you are probably
halfway to the place you
fantasized of being while
you were with me.

I remember when you left.
And I bid thee farewell.

A birth in silence opens your eyes
to a distant gaze.
Yet what is seen is not this time,
It is not this place.

Like a hand that grasps escaping light,
Glimpses enter your true sight,
This is a battle and you must fight,
To paint this picture with feeling's might.

With storms embraced and courage held,
Ignore the fear and phantoms untrue,
Rise to beauty, to love, that sacred virtue,
Art is what wants to happen through you!

Please know , I didn’t leave because i wanted to. I let go because you left me no other choice. I’m never the type to give up so easily & drop you. I’m the type to give you chance after chance even if you’ve done me wrong. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you however toxic you may be, even if it’s hurting me, breaking me, only because I don’t want to be remembered as the person who hurt you. As the person who “left.” I’m not the type to give up on people or let them go, but if ever I decide to, please understand it took all the air in me, all the energy in me, all the strength & courage to do so. I don’t give up easily. I don’t let go easily, but if you give me a million small reasons to walk away, I’ll walk away after my cup of chances runs out, knowing i gave you my all & i tried my best. Not giving me a good reason to stay, is a good enough reason for me to leave. So i hope one day you realize how much i truly did care for you. I promise you’ll miss me being there, putting up with your **** & refusing to give up on you. You’ll regret everything you’ve ever done to hurt me. Including all the damage you’ve caused.   One thing will always remain true, i loved you , cared for you, respected you when all i got was pain. That’s a scar that will always stay.


-Nani