Sitting amongst the hustle and bustle of the concrete jungle –
I find the calm within the center of it all. An inch of green for every mile of gray makes it all that much richer. One, two, three thousand, four… zipping and moving within their own world that is a part of this collective whole. Birds surrounding soaking in the breaths of life we have both found- hello my chirping beauties, so grateful to share this sacred ground.

there's a *** of water on the radiator
steaming up the windows
in my tiny bedroom -
the one in brooklyn -
where i was too poor to live in a place with a bedroom door

he's here, and he says he doesn't mind the curtain

there's anonymity in city life,
an ease to being completely alone
while surrounded by people

flush,
with the chill from outside
and the thought -
just the thought -
of his hands on my skin
his skin on my skin

simon and garfunkle on his old record player
sounds of new york
two people,
one bottle of whiskey
how strange to be with someone,
who can make you feel so alone

touch me, please

As I drifted off last evening, I had no idea I’d see you again.
But there you were in my dream and it was wonderful to see you again my friend.
You made your way through this celestial space to meet me at the roily water’s edge,
And a smile came upon your face and it illuminated the skies.
….”and in the distance, I could hear Wolfgangs “Eine Kleine Nachtmusik” playing”

“How are you John?” I asked.
“I couldn’t be better Kurt because this Kingdom is so special” he replied.
And we tarried there awhile and shared memories with one another,
We reminisced of our childhood, growing up, and our happiest moments in life.
….“I felt as though something in my life had prepared me for this time with him”

As the clouds sped above us, you told me how much you missed your wife and children,
and how much you looked forward to helping them cross this river one day.
More than anything I needed John's help with this question... "If you see my Mom, would you tell her I love her and that I miss her every day?”
He assured me he would do his best to give her the message.
…”And just then, a quote appeared and it read “the smallest deed is better than the greatest intention”

And as I stood on one side of the river and you the other,
I flashed John the live long and prosper gesture and he to me.
He began playing one of my favorites on his Sax, and he disappeared into the clouds above me.
I awoke, still hearing his parting words resonating in my head….
**….Don’t cry because I’m gone, smile because I live on”

I used to always wonder how people lived in New York City.
Where were the homes?
When I was younger I used to picture these rural houses with beautiful green grass and a lovely wrap around pine wood porch adjacent to the Empire State Building. Then I grew up and realized apartments existed, I realized neighborhoods in the Bronx, Brooklyn, and Queens existed and were places where suburban homes and condominiums were.
I realized that not all homes were made with grass and wrap around porches.
Some homes were on the fourth floor of an apartment complex with a musty smell and a view of a graffitied wall in the ghetto.
I realized that sometimes these places felt more like home than any home in a small rural town with a smoke puffing chimney and windmill could ever feel.

It's hard to focus
When the fan blows hot trash smell
Through the apartment

I think I’m going to see you
everywhere that I go,

because my brain is already
picturing your hands
on the window shop mannequins
I’m passing by on this city street

and I begin to wonder if they are a perfectly delicate match to mine
when held up in comparison

so you placed your right thumb
on top of my left
and we found two similar beauty marks
mirroring with each other

maybe it shows the pinpoint
of where we met in another life

it's weird meeting with people
who actually loved you
after months have passed
this love that once strived to be permanent
like conquering mountains
but i shed it like snakeskin
forever is way too hard
when you're too selfish to love people back
always chose myself
did you know your feelings
were the greatest gift i've ever known?

i thought if i arrived here early
and gave you no set time
i would have a bit of the morning to myself
but you were already around the corner
i knew you would be
i know you well, too

i didn't let us go deep this rainy morning
we should only go forward from here
not backwards
we talk
hell, we live in small talk
i say i thrive in summer
you talk about the snow
not much has changed
and somehow weather preferences
felt like the biggest incompatibility then
the most mundane of compromises

didn't run to my own defenses
or fall to your knees apologizing
didn't tell you if i pray or who i've slept with
or that i spent the last three days
crying on the jumpseat
we talk about the coffee shop
i just came here to create a new memory
stub out everything that was
like a stale cigarette
see? i haven't changed that much

instead i say i'm tired of sitting in the back of the plane
as people probe and poke my sides like an insect
asking for coffee with five packets of splenda
i say new york is a drag most days
i am lonely
i wonder if i'm pregnant
it's the only reason i stopped binge drinking
i woke up and wasn't hungover
thank god
i wouldn't admit that i miss the noise
of dry heaving over a toilet bowl

you didn't pay for my coffee
or pour your soul out
or drive me home
you say you leave today
you don't even say you came here for me
because you are just as free to be
so i nod and begin putting my headphones on
before even saying goodbye
i leave the conversation abruptly
ending on a note about
how many cape verdeans
live in boston
i grab my bouquet of sunflowers
slip away into the brooklyn fog
i was gone before you knew it
all the effort you put to be here
with me today
for me to walk out the door
reminiscent of what i did to you then
on a smaller scale

you say "until next time"
but you know i'll slip through the cracks
like i do
predictable me
and even when you find me
i'll be on the run