There really wasn't much to the day
A bit of sun
A bit of grey

Leaving me with room to think
A sip to numb
A heart to sink

I might leave my thoughts and reinvent myself.
Does desperation or envy get you killed faster?
Going back 200 years ago, it would've been depravity
If you re fortunate enough to have your basic needs met, you can indulge in diving deeper than thoughts, deeper than body and mind, further down the loophole until you reach your soul, primal and emotional state of living.

It’s another day, the sun’s left a twisted mess of vigor-less dreams and wishes faintly seen.

I’d lay down and cry if I saw any meaning to anything, but UV bleaches my guts and everything.

By now you would’ve realized, the sort of world, cruel and curious, we seek to sow.

But how can anyone walk around stating what they know?

And the pain seeps cold at night.
Aspirations, lies I hold tight.
Maybe not tonight.

Days bleed by, numb and opaque it heeds and blinds.

The pain seeps cold at night.
Aspirations, dreams I hold tight.
Not tonight.
Not tonight.

Every single moment
Of every single day
Even when I'm happy
The madness won't stay away

For with every passing minute
I feel it all slip away
And instead of being sad
There's a numbness that stays

i've heard people say
"the one thing worse than sadness is indifference"

the people who say that
haven't spent the late nights
curled up sobbing on the bathroom floor
shuddering with each breath,
quietly screaming for strength
"oh god let me make it through tonight"

people who say that haven't played russian roulette
with themselves
gambling their lives for pieces of hope that may never show

people who say
that indifference is worse than sadness
couldn't be more wrong
i'd rather feel nothing than the weight of what i can't control crushing the life out of me