Where's the fine line between normality and depression?

I am desperate to find that sense of normality
I grasp for it
as if it is water
and I haven't had a drink for months.

I am desperate to find comfort in my life now
Rather than later
I am tired of waiting and feeling
as if I am an alien
in my own skin.

I am desperate to start living
I am stressed out
and tired of watching life
pass me by
as if I am invisible.

(a.d)

It was nothing like the movies
No cheesy pick up line
No accidental touch of hands
Not even and intense gazing.

Yet no movie or book can describe it
The moment when you notice things;
First, the tone of his voice
Second, the nonsensical gestures he makes.

These may be stupid and odd
But in that moment when “two” friends seriously talk
And suddenly look into each other’s eyes
Will you realize that shoot! You like him.

Our sanity cannot be measured by words or colorful amounts of profanity because only we can judge the reflection we see. If this is true then why doesn't my image stare back at me? When I look into my eyes I can see I'm chasing myself away, how can I be normal if everything I do or say is perceived with enormous amounts of disregard and negativity that I see only as decay? Its uncanny but I'm sure with each passing day I'll figure out what is really blocking my way.