404

ERROR

this girl no longer exists

Into all this absurdism
I find myself wondering
Why I´m trying to understand
The non-existence of everything?

Watching some clouds
Empty spaces
By the light of the moon
Writing nonsense words

Mindfuck mind
Wake up and make a peep
Drop words between the lines
Why am I still here?

Strange ideas in my head
Writing my blues
Nice ride above us
Still showing more clues

Taking a walk on my deep side
Enjoying this ride
Psychedelic intercessions
Still open my mind wide

Nothing is enough
I can´t decide
Feelings and lines rough
What I wanna write

Looking for the meaning of nothing
Tasting more wine
Am I losing my senses?
It is Braking my mind

Seeking for a spiritual meaning
Waiting for sign of divine
Seeing my mind shining
Lost and blind

Falling in the middle of words
Deeply vibrant sense
Meaning of nothing
Suspension without suspense

Height intense
Verses are meaningless
Looking for the meaning of nothing
Again it makes a little zero sense

He stood with his face to the firey blaze,
The background sooty and ashy,
He told her "everything was alright, it's okay."
Violent flames lashing and smoke wisps vanishing,
It's just that...every second leads to something,
A cough, a rash...a blank wall...then some monitors,
Then you're dead, it's the same thing every time,
So why not live for good? Why not breath the air
Like you've never gotten the chance to know how,
To run like children into the woods...

*...or you're dead already.

Our bodies
Are really just galaxies
Held together by bone and flesh.
My thoughts are stars.
But
How can you expect me to
Recognize the constellations
That they could potentially form
When I’ve always ******
At thinking linearly?

Hell,
I have a hard enough time
Remembering
That
I am still alive.
I dropped a plate today-
That promptly shattered-
Because
For that very instant
I didn’t exist.

I think

Maybe
I was born
To self-destruct
Quite like
The most massive suns
In our universe
Detonate
Into supernovae.

One of these days
Out of the blue
My chest is going to start
Caving in
And my arms and legs will contract
And finally
I’ll flood out into the open-
I always did tell you
My heart was an ocean
Filled so full that it’s
Ready to erupt.

Well once I’ve emptied
My heart
My body
And my mind
Maybe
Just maybe
I’ll find the strength
To reconstruct this galaxy.

But I’d probably need some
Major work.
I need help untangling these veins.
Someone
Just give me
A diagnosis
Because
My lungs should work
Just fine
But I just
CAN'T BREATHE-
Surely there are vultures flying around
Grating my insides.
I want you to rewrite my skin
Dig up the graveyards
In my skeleton
And maybe
Help settle some of these ghosts.
I just wanted-
So desperately-
For you to find a home
Somewhere near my heart
That I tried stitching a home
Into my ribcage
But the seams are jagged
And tender
And it feels like they’re leaking
All the ******* time
But no matter what-
Whenever I check my lesions-
They’re healing.

Hopefully,
My structures
Will last longer
This time
Around the bend.

Because unless
You have your own scars,
You’ll probably
Never understand mine.

But we all do something.

You can’t fathom the leagues
Of deep dark arctic water that churn
Just under my crust
Or the monsters
Surfing the waves
Because
They tell you to drown your demons
But
I’m pretty positive
Mine have known how to swim
From the beginning.

You don’t see
The stress and anxiety
That pumps around
Through my blood
Igniting my body
And effectively silencing me.

Please don’t touch me
Not until you understand
That sometimes
All I am capable of felling
Is needles and razors.
The added pressure
Of your feather light touch
Might just
Cause a cave in.

Please don’t
Love me
Until you
Recognize
That
I do not love myself
But
I AM trying.

For the longest time
I’ve been so concerned
That
You might start
Seeing me
The way I see myself
But something really
Kind of funny happened
(I think)
I’m starting
To see myself
The way you see me.

My skin
Has been left to rot
Too many times
And WOW-
That really hurts.
My cells
Is still in the process
Of growing back
But it’s still so sensitive.

I’m swallowing
Your forgiveness
Because
I need it
For my own.
I cannot
Excuse
Myself-
Not anymore.

There is
No such concept
As
‘Beautifully broken’
Some of us
Are just better than others
At clutching
Bleeding seams.