Strike out
at the largest vein
that traverses the honeycomb
and finally reveal yourself.

I want to climb every step
to the rooftop
of the tallest building
i can find - and shout
"YOU DO NOT DEFINE ME!"

I want to laugh in the face
of the chemicals in my brain
whose job everyday
is to convince me
that i am
unbalanced.

I want to stand tall
and continue living my life
in plain view of the
people who tried
to keep me down.

For every 1 moment that I feel better
There are 15 more where my
hands shake for no reason
or I get so overwhelmed
that I literally force quit
my existence
Forcefully shut off my brain
continue to find peace in the chaos.

I climb the steps to reach the top
to yell from the roof tops
But for every day that passes
2 floors are added to the top

sorry i made you walk
when i promised roses
and i'm sorry i talked
about things that were pointless

you don't make me nervous
you've only made me anxious
that i'll **** up if your eyes
turn silver when you melt

don't fall for me
i'll be your regret

i warned you a thousand times,
spelled it out for you on the fridge
that i am not right, a little too bruised.
but you just smiled and asked
for me to do the same to you.

the blind is broken
on the back door
where I try the handle
maybe one two three four
times before bed
my foot treads
wear a furrow
into carpet pile
patrolling by the mile
a circuit I navigate
from door to window
and back again
checking checking
my doorbell's camera eye
spies on the street outside
intruder alerts on my phone
warn of incoming......
something
all so I can complete
a nights sleep
with one ear open
tossing turning
I have covered all eventualities
except the Bogeyman
in my head
under the bed

This society is much needed.
Faking our smiles, just to get by.
I'm gonna be honest I know nothing about you or anyone here.
I want you to know that this is a frighting flow that I call-
"Anxiety"
You see, it's not what you think but it's what you see.
Society is nothing but a pinch of death.
You walk the other way, you make another stray.
You walk the same way and now you get to stay.
"Anxiety"
Me, only 16 was walking the other way.
Society is what I cannot follow
I walk, walk, walk.
I hear them talk, talk, talk.
You, and I will never be the same.
"Anxiety"
Has it's name.
"Anxiety"
You cannot claim
"Anxiety"
Please let me be sane.

I take my skin
unstitching it from my body
ringing it out to dry in my bathroom tub
It’s weary and needs a moment to be laid to rest
All of it is covered in dirt-
After taking responsibility for its mother
apologizing for its brother and for its own feelings
Shame coats it-
only I couldn’t tell you who the shame belongs to
I’m only exposed heart and bone right now
please do not mind the blood I leave at your feet
This is all I have left over as an apology

- when do we stop letting other peoples mistakes become our own
-  I am still trying to figure it out

I have a question for you
Plucked from the day we met.
I have pondered asking for a while
And still I haven't yet.

Especially with important matters
Or ones dealing with certain subjects.
But as I sit here wondering, waiting,
I think I may be ready for what comes next.

As we talked about chess,
Poetry, movies, and songs,
Random facts, and paradoxes
All these evenings long,

I sat thinking still...
Gazing thoroughly upon
The face you wear
And the smile you had on.

As you may be able to see,
I can often tend to be
Incapable of stammering out
The words I desperately want to shout

I get that I don't know you well,
But I feel I may want to..
As long as it works with you...
And maybe if you too...
Could possibly like to do...
If only I already knew...

Would you like a coffee with me soon?

Spelling secret messages
With my fingers
On your back
Of the words that I am too afraid to tell you.

Living in a fantasy
That is a reality
My younger self
Could never comprehend.

As we float downstream
I wish this river had no end
Not knowing if i'd ever
Get to see your face again.

But I open my eyes
And there you are
Standing right in front of me.

Paralyzed by your smile
I can only do the same.