Sitting on my thrown... A thrown of highly stacked orange chairs, all lined up in rows...

I looked down over the world, I was higher then even the tallest of my youth.  I was no show

Simply claiming my kingdom of independence.  Sitting up and watching like a lioness in demand

In demand of discernment and wisdom, for she can't afford failing... Visitors came unplanned

Tense...unprepared for this surprise attack, my heart leaped, shock forced my body to jump down...

Down to a lower level where I rightfully belonged... The third chain of a story broke promise, the ending of one of my neck's crowns

I ran, my feet punching the ground, not noticing the trail of scatter beads that followed my every foot step...

Too tiny for anyone to notice...black..and blue.. rolling away to hide.. not knowing these people's love had no depth

The jewel of the story flying away into a corner of a memory filled hall... the chandeliers crystal whispers were heard

Ignoring the callings of my fake name... I ran into the heart of the church... rows of pews starred at me... I didn't speak a word

More beads scattered behind me, as my emotions and feelings scattered along with them.

The silence never felt so dead as I ran towards the back, my soul singing a surrendering hymn.

The two left over neck crowns mourned for their lost friend, as I mourned over the lack of knowledge of the future

  Again I heard my fake name... depression devoured my hunger in one swallow,  the beginning of a tumor

"I... I just want to do your will... other may ask for love... or comfort... or wisdom...  or answers... and that isn't bad..."

"...but all I ask and beg... is to have Your will be done... use me in anyway you see fit... it doesn't matter what I must suffer... I'll forever praise you and be glad..."

"Show me your will and way..." I confirmed... not caring if people saw me as fool of weakness and hopelessness...

I heard two sets of foot steps behind me, my skin on edge, my small cold hearted hands revealing their recklessness

Running out of the back exit, I heard my nick name again, freezing I turned around to see them panting from exhaustion

Two of my fellow followers if you will, took me captive, and reintroduced me to the loud company of people in motion

Only meaning the best, I followed them and lined up with the other Christ fighting soldiers

Hand over our hearts, I didn't feel the comforts of the third crowns jewel... my eyes scattering around the hollow gym... I saw beads roll of my shoulder...

Embarrassed... I back away from the line to wonder off alone... I left without being questioned

The beads on the floor shared with me their fears of being crushed, and loneliness. Telling me to ignore the session

Seeking around my thrown for answers... I found nothing... so off again I ran... plunging my self into the silence

My black rose laced arms cross I looked around for that bottled jewel. To it, I am a giant

More then a charm... more then something that hung around my neck... It was a story... a story that redirected my path...

The tiniest things can have the most incomparable meaning... like one of the five cities of the Philistines where Goliath came from; Gath...

Such a small detail we don't often recognize... But such a butterfly effect can create a rip the space time continuum.

I found my jewel... hiding alone in a corner in that hall that contained many beautiful moments that are anything but a residuum.

Filled with relief, I gently picked it up and hide it tightly in the palm of my hand

A little bottle filled with bird seeds and rock dove feathers, indeed it's vanity, but meanings should be scanned

Walking back to my piers,  I couldn't help but to catch some of their eyes lay on me.

I don't blame them, I made a spectacle of my self over wanting to be alone and a charm, but I had to make a plea...

Entering my self into the group, I look towards the shining silver bleachers where my two chained necklace and bottled charm laid...

Silly of my to say... but someday the third chain will be restored... but it will have a new story to proclaim...

I still could see the scattered beads, they surround the people I claimed as my home, I know each face

Yes... My emotions are in a scatter, but at least they are scatter in the same place...

Down in the ground, your silver body lays
You were buried, with another person on that day

Both of you are unsaved
So now your abandoned in this muddy ***** grave

You men seek for answers, you seek fullfillment
For you only have half your heart, what an empty torment

Where did the other half go? We may never know
Who has it? The Questions seem to grow

You are not in a grave yard, but within the woods of one
You should be counted as dead, and your memories done

But there is no grave stone, so there maybe hope
Maybe your time in the ground is a scope

An opportunity to learn, to believe, and to repent of past sins
For those who have ears let him ear! For the change first starts from within.

Your darkened eyes, look to find hope and relief in others
But only the drowning down pour of depression is you cover

Your shadows of hair hang over your faces, your eyes to the cold moist dirt
Deep down under, your gray chains get tangled to share each others hurt.

The only company you have is each other, along with the fallen sin trees and young future saplings
Learn from nature dear men, for the love of the roots of the tree's  to the dirt is forever grappling.

Your charm of words remain in the containment of a plastic force
The force field refuses to open for you until you end your sinful course.

I have tried to dig you two up myself, but you were down too deep.
No power on earth could unburry you two, the possibilities seem too steep

Only the Super Natural forces of God could do that
But When? WHEN will you be unburied?

I'm sorry... I'm am one impatient Cat...

*Every now and then We can feel your clasping hands reach for the empty red bench... hoping to get out of this grave.... and sit with us again....

1,
you were already 16,
2,
but I was finally turning 15,

3,
you knew I didn't celebrate my birthday,
4,
but you never ask why.

5,
I had a birthday that coexisted around the time,
of valentines.
6,
We we're unable to see each other the week on valentines,
but the week after on my birthday we could.

7,
you faced timed me,
all week,
while working on my gift,
but never showed me your hands,
so I never saw the present.

8.
finally it was my horrible birthday,
a day full of crying at home,
but finally I was here at your house to hand you,
my pay check,
because I really wanted you to get your permit.
I knew how much you wanted it.
so I had 60$ for you.

9.
you came out,
saw me and picked me up and kissed me,
hugged me like a distant relative who was way to friendly would,
and like them,
we both acted in not wanting to let go,

10.
We went inside your house,
and sat on your tiny brown couch,
and your mom was so happy to take pictures,
and I gave you my gift,

11.
you opened it,
and you almost cried,
and I did see the tear in the corner of your eye,
then you left like the sun leaves the day to fetch mine,

12.
your mom got to talk to me,
and was so very happy,
she even made me a cake,
like one you would of seen at a wedding,
I couldn't of said thanks enough.

13.
you came back,
and you gave me a tiny little box,
and a note,

14.
you opened the box first,
and told me to read the note while he put my gift on me,

15.
my note said,
"baby you are my valentine,
and violets and roses combined,
will never be a more beautiful design.

Speaking of designing,
I made you this necklace and its shining,
just like your eyes,

but I cant rhyme,
so I hope you know this was more then for,
being my valentine one special day of the year,
its for everyday,
even your birthday,
so enjoy it more.

love,
the necklace maker"

and everytime,
I wore it,
I was happy,
because I thought of him,

*15

When the cool metal
of my necklaces rests
on my breast
and I shiver,
I wonder if this is what
my heart feels like?