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Zywa 1d
We dance and we stamp

our tears into the plank floor --


crying together.
Film "Ljósbrot" ("Refraction" / "When the light breaks", 2024, Rúnar Rúnarsson)

Collection "Heart's Delight"
Kata 1d
I heard you cry for the first time
And I hope it lasts a little while
There were no tears
Just loss
It's like you're in search of a great sadness
There is none to be found
It's so peaceful here

And yet, you are still looking back
At the person you used to be, that you moved on from.
They carried you well, and they deserve to be mourned.
Regardless their weight
You've always held them lightly.

But others carry you now
And there is a responsibility to being loved
It asks us to be better and we should not refuse.
I think there is something to be said about how growth can feel like moving on from yourself
Zywa 3d
We're back in his house,

and my shoes are on the shelf --


And his shoes are not.
Film "Ljósbrot" ("Refraction" / "When the light breaks", 2024, Rúnar Rúnarsson)

Collection "Greeting from before"
Zywa 3d
Condolences can

be a battle: whose loss, whose --


sorrow is greater?
Film "Ljósbrot" ("Refraction" / "When the light breaks", 2024, Rúnar Rúnarsson)

Collection "Greeting from before"
aleks 4d
thank god for the dead memory.
thank god, that it died while it was still good.
thank god, that it still resembles something i might’ve prayed for.

thank god, that i prayed for the death i didn’t know.
thank god, that my tears couldn’t well up
for the spring on the other side of your death’s door.
thank god, yours was the first rain that taught me
what umbrellas were.

thank god, that thanking god is such an empty phrase.
thank god, that it won’t grant you afterlife praise.
thank god, you’re now only a picture on a wall.
thank god, the effigies i bear in mind cannot be canonized,
for the things they’ve never done,
and the people they never were.
thankful for the things you didn't have the time to become.
Dom Feb 25
My love,
Far into the distance
I can feel your vestigial fingertips
Reach through the depths of death
To cling like ice cold rime around my beating heart.

I cannot follow,
Though your wailing whispers
Cause mortiferous winds to kiss upon my ear.
I howl like a feral wolf to a full moon’s bane
And the sky replies in lachrymose showers
Where the streets reflect melancholy
In monochromatic bleak black
I yearn for you.

I’ve wrestled with life,
It’s internal crenellated wars
Running to clamber over the ramparts
To find your sepulchral chamber.

My love, may I -
Lay my weary head upon your putrescent chest
And finally, find my final rest
As in life, I am but moribund,
Lost within my lugubrious gaze
Into ethereal labyrinths chasing your frame.

The day you said goodbye
It was an imprecation,
Damning me to walk half alive,
Preternatural lusting for death
Like Victorian goths -
I am lost without your jubilance,
And too scared of the morrow
If I dare turn the page.

Let me join you dear,
I wish not another moment
Among those who knew not
The grip of truest love,
Lay shattered like obsidian shards
Pieces of my broken heart
I can bear no more of it!
When I was young,
I believed they were 'Morning Doves.'
That they would fly down in the night,
To rest on my lawn.

Now that I'm older,
I know they're called 'Mourning Doves.'
That they were named after their haunting song,
Of all Earth's sorrows and plight.
They are a disturbing and entrancing bird.
anna Feb 23
It's 2015, summertime, with
an afternoon sunshine
gently roasting the cheeks
of a little girl into a
healthy flush. The sweet
sanctuary of the cafe after
school; a fresh playground
amidst the summer heat.
Familiarity, an endless finality of
every poster and notice
memorised through timeless
hours, teaching her
how to read through adverts for
baby sitters
ballet instructors
late-night knitting groups.
School tie discarded, slung
over the back of a squeaky
cafe chair, the usual, she drags
her mum to the counter,
towards the fiery face smiling
behind the till. Warm eyes,
sparkling with stories and life,
already talking to her mum about
her new school teacher
the new muffin recipe
her dad's latest gig.
Her face, bronzed by foreign heat
folds as she guffaws across the cafe,
careless, laughing , at a joke
the little girl doesn't yet
understand. Handfuls
of pink marshmallows,
sweet and pure, exchange hands
with a wink and a 'don't tell your mum'.
The girl sticks two together and calls them butterflies.
The broken clock near the door
shows the same time
as it did an hour ago, hands suspended, never-ending.

I carry flowers, an expensive bunch
of lilies and roses,
tilted in towards my chest - like
a child in a green paper blanket - to protect
them against the gale as
I carry sympathy home. The rain
soaks through the paper. I nip
off a dead leaf between my forefinger
and thumb, thoughts lingering,
nose turning numb. Four years
since I spoke to Mandy, at
'Mandy's Cafe!'
whisked away by time briskly slipping.
Moving house, growing up.
And yet, when
the sun comes out later today,
I see a little girl with scooter-hit
ankles, and glitter in her hair
reaching out a tiny ink-stained hand
for a warm buttered roll
from a hand memorised
through timeless hours.
May you rest in peace ❤
"if you want to make it in the world
take your shot
aim high
hit the target
don't miss your shot holly"

I have missed my shot granddad.
if only you'd known who I really was.
you probably would've hated me,
words my granddad repeated to me over and over as a kid
E Feb 20
What does it mean
when it's
the therapist's chair
that's empty?

Maybe an accident
but the rope
the knife
the pills

It wasn't
an accident
a mistake, maybe
but no accident

Is it selfish
to wish they hadn't
the only one
you could tell

Is it
my fault?
Did I spill
too much?

How many times
did I
break down
in that office?

On that couch
in that room
crying my heart out
while she just... nodded.

Could I have
seen it
if I just
looked?

Maybe if I
just stayed
a little longer
asked...

But what if's
don't change the past
even if
I wish

I wish
doesn't erase
the date
on that headstone

My tears
won't bring her back
it's not even
my pain...

It hurts
but I can't
place
why

Am I
the one to
blame?
or just another puzzle piece?

If I could
just go back
follow the lines
could I fix it?

untangle the strings
uncover the lies
blow out the candle
fill the chair again
by anonymous
I miss her. Not like a friend but as a mentor. She always felt so much stronger than me and now she's just... gone. Wish I could still visit her grave... but it's too far now. Maybe some day.
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