Creator, for you are that and more,
Of that precious life unknown before,
We celebrate, clap hands, and shower
With praises, for ‘tis you we admire.

The sounds of your child’s brazen cry
Do not dishearten, but with a sigh,
A breath, of acknowledged encumbrance,
And your power soothes into a trance.

As your child dreams on, you smile
A knowing kind of love, grace and style;
These are your modes of admiration
For the child of your creation.

Be godlike, preserver of nature;
Whenever your child is unsure,
Reassure him with your wit and charm,
Your tender care, to keep him from harm.

Yes, only a mother, truly knows,
The true extent of her child’s woes.
Pain blossoming so deep inside,
Hurting so, while trying to hide
From a mother’s, knowing eyes,
Confident that mother, never pries.

Instead she gives her sound advice,
Being agreeable, saying how nice,
The flower garden looks today,
While in a sublime, pleasant way,
She soothes the inner aching pain,
Removing all the stress and strain.

She sees the strengths, weaknesses,
Gifts with which the child is blessed,
The nature of all burdensome traits,
Heart’s desires, the loves, the hates,
Character blooming through the years,
Sharing laughter, along with the tears.

Reflected within the child’s face,
Throughout awkward early grace,
She herself soon becomes exposed,
And as intrinsic recognition shows,
She gathers to her humbled breast
A tireless love that knows no rest.

The child hoards with thoughtless ease,
Bumps and bruises and skinned knees,
And if the hurts are too much to bear,
A child knows mother is always there,
Her calming words soon gently caress,
Soothing all troubles with tenderness.

The child grows and finds another
Person to love as much as mother,
But the bond of life remains forever,
Cannot be broken, not now, not ever,
And the child realizes as it grows,
Yes, only a mother; truly knows.

©Paul M Chafer 2015

The morning sky faintly blue
A gust of wind rustling leaves
I don't know why you laugh
At the boats bobbing in the harbor
Your little feet don't reach the ground
As you sit on the bench next to me

I can't believe you belong to me
Your eyes the same grey blue
Standing two feet from the ground
You disappear into a pile of leaves
Already forgetting you don't want to leave the harbor
Your innocence makes me laugh

You reminded me how to laugh
Unknowingly you saved me
From the dark thoughts I harbor
That once made me so blue
I had become someone who always leaves
But you brought me back to the ground

I couldn't watch them lower you into the ground
All I could hear was your laugh
And the rustle of dead winter leaves
The naked trees mourned with me
Their tears made of sap & mine so blue
And salty as the frozen harbor

Why'd you have to go to the harbor?
Is it so hard to stay on dry ground?
It's enticing waters gleaming blue
Swallowed you with a menacing laugh
Taking you away from me
A reminder that everyone leaves

Everyone's child eventually leaves
Sailing across the promising harbor
But not in the way that you left me
Unable to pick myself off the ground
In a delusioned fit I hysterically laugh
At a bird in the window with feathers so blue

I hope the harbor in heaven is just as blue
And while you wait for me I pray that you laugh
That same silly way you did in the leaves on the ground.

there is a woman who has been with me all this time
who’s felt the careening anguish of a family gone from three to two
who’s breathed oxygen into my sagging lungs
when then only thing in them was vaporous grief
who’s bled with me from countless soul-wounds,
both of us
driven to the brink of endurance
again and again and again
who’s shielded my raw meat heart with all she has
who’s never seemed to see in herself what I do;
the gleam of someone who has been ******
into the pounding depths against her will
but returned to the surface
every time alive
every time breathing
every time finding
the wet bedraggled girl with her and
putting both her arms around her and
saying over the shriek of the water:
I am here, I am here, and I will be, always

this is for her

for my hand holder, my moon howler,
my affirmation, my companion,
my soul keeper, my forehead-kisser,
my garden-hearted pillar of integrity

for a brave brave woman
who’s been smashed by poison people and atomic loss
but still come out
miraculously, fluorescently
shining

Did you hear me?
My sunshine, my bundle of joy
Could you hear me calling to you from inside the womb?
You kepy me so warm, as I did you.
You kept me company when I was alone
You brought me comfort and joy
I knew it was always meant to be.

We were together as one
My creation, my replication
Growing inside me, a human life.
A new beginning, a new way of life.

You are a miracle to me
Amazing in every way
More beautiful than I could imagine
And with your amazing amount of intelligence
I can't believe you came from me

My creation, my replication
My angel
My piece of me

Stretch marks, swollen ankles, itchy skin , aching back
Bigger feet, bigger bust, bigger belly as the day goes by
tiny flutters, little kicks, tiny fingers in my ribs
I've never felt like such a mess, or more beautiful

Unreal pain, Iv's, medication, the clock isn't moving
The room is spinning, a heart beat on the moniter next to me
Timing contractions, breathing, water, trying to ***
I never knew I had such detirmination , such strength

two days later, finally i look in the mirror at myself
Stretched out skin, saggy, swollen, bloated
Swollen feet, swollen legs, lots of extra skin
my hairs a mess, everything hurts and I have a scar

six months later, scar has faded, legs are back to normal
Feet are the right size again.. my bust, that's a different story
Then there's the weight that just won't leave
My body is totally different now.. and I still have a scar

I don't know how to relate to myself anymore , my body is different
I look at myself in the mirror and its not who i remember
I don't know what to wear or how to wear it
Things that I thought were comfortable are not anymore

I struggle each time i have to go somewhere to find something
Something I can nurse in, something that's comfortable
I feel fat, But I have strange moments of confidence
after all my body is freaking amazing, I made a human

All I ask is as I wade through these days of new motherhood
As I choke back tears everytime I have to find an outfit
As I have to second guess my outfits because I choose to breast feed
As I struggle with a bust so big its difficult to hide

All I ask from those in my life is a love and understanding
Understand this is a new world for me, being a mom
Understand that my body has changed permenatly
Understand I'm just getting to know the new me again

And please be patient as I figure all this out
As I nurse my baby and do whats right for my love
As I struggle through new outfits and my new body
As I learn to love the new me and feel beautiful again

Thank you <3

Your soul was always isolated from
the world around you—from the very beginning. Time
alone was something you valued (as should we all)
but your isolation took on many forms—many
hungry shadows looming over you at all times.

A collision of iron and steel left you
immobile, and by the standards expected of
women, useless: your womb would never swell,
and you would never experience the pain of
bringing a child into this cruel world.

The fractures
and the wounds healed, but you
never recovered.

In the face of impossibility, you still
tried in desperation; leaving you in cold
unfamiliar hospital rooms, where all you
can see is an alien landscape; where all you
can think about is the reasons you are  here,
and the reasons your baby will never be.

It is a pain in your heart that leaves you gutted
like the iron handrail that embedded itself
through your ******. The bed is soaked
with your tears and your blood; it is the pain
of knowing that you will never hold a baby
who sees you as God; you will never experience
the love of a child, glowing with innocence.

you are your mother's daughter
separately

I see them every day...
The ladies in my community
who have been young mothers.
Those who forsook youth
to embody motherhood
maybe too soon.
If you look closely you can
see written on their faces
that they may have missed out ...somewhere.
 "where did time go..
Was I cheated somehow?"
Learning the hard way.
Didn't get a chance to love themselves first!
------
Now, years later,
I see their yearning to play,
be free and young,
dance and sing,
Feel beautiful and be loved.

I see them every day,
These sisters and mothers,
young at heart,
whose bodies betray their young spirit and
Unfulfilled adolescent desires.

And I would want any young girl
I meet
To know that before she
Takes on the awesome burden
Of bringing new life to the planet
She must birth herself first.
And in so doing taste the freedom,
wisdom and art of
Self Love
And only then become
The Sacred Mother..
Or Not!

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