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EmperorOfMine Apr 2019
There's this weight that numbs my entire body.
I rarely ever feel awake enough to call for someone.
Smiling here and there, winging my existence.
Attempting to attempt to go with the unpredictable flow.
It's stripping the lives I invest in, bankrupting me of any connections.
Isolated by everything but darkness, seeping in, like an infection.
Neglected and forgotten, oh no, there goes my monophobia.
Rapidly repeating this cycle of depravity, what a f*cking tragedy.
My fortune is as fortunate as living but being brain dead.
Instead of ever really feeling here, disconnected, stuck in bed.
Like this evil aura projects a demon over the body of a moth.
I'm being abused by something, blinding me, i'm lost.
I'm no one's friend, no one's love interest, no one's first choice.
Not that I want that, but I only really ever just wanted love.
But the one thing I wanted, when I could have wished for anything,
Is the one thing that constantly gets taken away from me...
I just don't want to feel alone, forgotten, on my own...
There goes my monophobia...anxiety is elevating.
I don't have panic attacks, so where does it all go?
Building up an evil to consume my soul?
Trapped in a life built on feeling like a fool, not too good not so bad.
I want to scream, let my tears stream, but I feel stuck.
In the end, I can't even cry, I just move on...
And it laughs, playing with it's little brittle fingers
Watching me break and mold until I'm cold and too old
Like a moth with it's wings ripped off at birth with the wish to fly.
This evil thing is using me as a sacrifice and it wants me to die.
I think the only way to truly live Forever is to die young and tragically; to go in some incredibly mysterious way; that would be superior and most definitely unforgettable and that could quite possibly be immortality.
M. Karrington
jake aller Jan 2019
Early in the midst of a chaotic frenzy
I caught the fragrance of her sweat grin
And my heart did a swirling spin
When I saw that vision of ****** delight

There I stood
Alone in a somehow too dismal room
Full of vibrant people
I knew not what to say

So, I spent that dismal day
Thinking dismal morbid thoughts of lugubrious doom
Thoughts what might happen that day
And what might have been if I had the courage to say Hello

Thus, it went
Years after ever melancholy year
Days after ever gloomy days
Nights of self-induced torture

Months of nightly rancid beer
There it went

Now
I am sitting and thinking
Thoughts so gloomy
I still don’t know

Life belongs to the living
Not to the morbid mystic dreamers
Nor the poets dying
published along with depressed morbid nights in rosette Maleficarum
https://rosettemaleficarum.wordpress.com/2017/10/30/depressed-morbid-nights-by-john-cosmos-aller/
Em MacKenzie Dec 2018
If you knew this was your last day on earth,
would you spend it wisely with complete worth?
Honestly I’m scared of what my answer would be,
If I’d wallow in regret or just check out early.

Once you’ve breathed fresh air,
how do you go back to drowning?
In my youth I could never care
but lately I’m always frowning.
I tried to **** every single brain cell,
I no longer wished for feelings of thought,
no one asked so I never got to tell,
all these lingering regrets that I’ve got.
Dawn of the final day.
the sun arrives but will never stay.
Twenty four hours remain,
my death rattle will be in vain.

Long ago I lost hope in salvation,
and my dreams were trampled for belief,
so I dressed it up in mindless intoxication,
oh, how well it decorated my eternal grief.
How do I explain that the reason I’m leaving,
was the same reason that I stayed?
I’m tired of starving and done with dry heaving,
it feels like my internal organs have been flayed,
and put out on display.

Once you feel the sun rise,
how do you return back to the night?
When defeat’s visible in your eyes,
‘cause mind and body are both done with the fight.
I tried to **** every single brain cell,
yet there’s still more than enough left to haunt me,
will they survive the fall out, only time will tell,
I have a feeling one will remain only to keep taunting.
Dawn of the final day,
knees were made for grovelling not to pray.
Twenty four hours remain,
maybe time can fit in some rain.

I’m never happy with what life gives me
though I admit I haven’t been given much.
I feel only coldness in my surroundings,
but have felt warmth from a strangers touch.
Everyday I think “this is the end
I can’t possibly keep on going”
My spine broken before it could bend,
and I was plucked before I started growing.
So drag my corpse to the ocean
‘cause it was always my dream for there to rest,
I’ll die drowning in every emotion,
but only sadness will fill my chest.
Nothing really to do with Zelda, yet it influenced it all the same.
starstrike Nov 2018
I saw two fairies dancing between the trees
twirling and swirling in perfect harmony
Their iridescent wings fluttering shyly
gold dust radiating outward daintily

Oh how lovely, I had thought
that these creatures had found the love I only sought
'Twas a passing wonder though so I turned away to leave
but something caught my eye that I just could not believe

There was a certain desire in their movements
hungry, haunting, ravenous
And the gold that encased them was not floating languidly
it spilled out from their bodies in all different ways

That's when I realized 'twas not a dance they were performing
but a ritual of death: silent, graceful, mourning
Arke Oct 2018
it would take
78 antidepressant pills or
60 mg of nicotine or
11 lbs of pasta or
4 bottles of wine or
2 minutes of carbon monoxide or
a single text message

to make my heart stop entirely
Elder D Anthony Oct 2018
Languid prickly pear.
Ashen, voracious sky lay waste.
bruise Earth.

Prickly languid pear.
Hold fast against the wilted branch.

Thank the tree for its regard;
the limb that decayed the least.
                              O' how my will hangs
                              as I do above the death
                              who brought us this rot
Pear, languid and prickly.
Tenacious pride claws and bites
at morbid despair and lonesome longing;
                                                        ­           neither victorious.

Ashen sky dust and burn the peel

Languid pear.
Pain felt from
the dying of the limb that had more than
you in the end

Resentment tucked between the anguish.
Who brought us this rot?
                              O' how this will fades
                              unable to deliver
                              the cut that will end
The branch snaps.

Languid.
World devoid;
the will of which persists.
Em MacKenzie Oct 2018
People walk on by and only glance in my direction
unaware that I am suffering from a deep rooted infection.
For don't you see that I'm painfully dying
and in the future you'll know that I could've been saved,
all it took was a simple moment of trying
and to hear the things that I always craved.

They tell you a drowning man will drag you down
but I've always been a strong swimmer,
we can easily take on another pound
just focus on the waves surfing glimmer.
Keep going, keep rowing,
don't inhale that salty sea.
The wind's blowing, exhaustion is showing,
I'll hold you up even when you can't hold me.

People walk on by and only glance in my direction
they aren't the slightest bit shocked at my self inflicted dissection.
For I desperately need to remove my organs of rot,
these days feeling just takes too much of a toll on me,
and they're so badly damaged that no customer has bought,
even when I offered them up for free.

They tell you a drowning man will drag you under
but I've always been gifted with a swift stroke,
how I made it out this far truly is a wonder,
or maybe just another sad tasteless joke.
Keep going, keep towing,
don't you give up so easily.
The wind's blowing, pace is slowing,
I'll hold you up even when you can't hold me.

So call me Ismael 'cause I'm lost at sea,
was caught up in a current very swiftly,
and my white whale has lost all interest in me,
I guess there's some other place it would rather be,
than stuck in my sad excuse for company.
Do I glimpse land's salvation or am I just succumbing to insanity?
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