they say time heals all wounds,
but i guess,
i wasn't just wounded,
when i lost you,
for after all this time,
i still bleed for you.

its been a long time,
since i've talked with you
and its been a longer time
since i've had you
near me.

for a while, i thought i was done
with all spectrum of emotions i felt for you.
for a while, i thought i no longer cared.
all those times were all in vain,
for i still miss you,
more than ever.

its all just hitting me now
every bone
every fiber
every nerve of me
is finally absorbing the shock
and
the thought of you,
gone,
and away from me.

i wish you'd come back.
**or rather, i wish i never left

Breathe in.
Breath out.
What's this
Anxiety attack
About?

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Love me
Or leave me,
I'm still me
Either way
You put it.

I miss your smile,
I miss your laugh,
I miss the way
You hold my hand.

I miss the way
You hold me.
Maybe I'm blinded
By how much I love you,
But I miss you going on about
Something you're passionate about.

And I miss watching the faces you make
When you play video games,
And I miss naming animals with you
And discussing all ten dogs we'll have.

And I want you to tell me all about
The house you want to build in the mountains.

I want your hands to wipe away my tears,
And I want you to make me laugh,
And I want to talk about stupid stuff
Until we fall asleep.
I miss you,

And if you miss me--
Well I guess I'll have to
Wait and see.

I don't think anyone
Truly realizes how hard
A long distance relationship is;
At least, not until
They're in one.

When I realized you were done and gone,
I went to the beach where we had spent one of our first nights together. Drove down the pitch black roads, walked down the empty path. Not a soul in sight I laid on desolate beach. Under starry sky the breeze was just the same, a light drizzle of rain came my way, and I sat there waiting for the droplets to sink in, the way I was waiting for you. I stared up at the moon, wondering if maybe you were looking it too. It was in that moment all I wanted, all I wished for, was to be able to lay on your chest, and fall asleep once more like that night before. You were the best peace I had ever known, but now here all alone, all I have I have is the chaos in my soul.

I don't want to drink again
No, not from those lips
That tiny bottle of pending doom with little tiny labels marked warning.
Under the table, grabbing walls
Compensation for the shot glass full of stained breath
There is no amount of emotional comfort that doesn't lead to physical contact.
My lips; your essence
There isn't a support group that can teach that
The urge to resist the glare of the bottle
Simple steps that lead to complete disaster
The calling of your name
The way you splash against my lips.
I don't want to drink again
My bad habit
My secret craving
A distinct hint that I need you again.
Where's pride in this infatuation
The need to have you again
This uncontrollable substance
Marked with warning labels
Bottled emotion that seeps at anytime.
The need of not caring who's around.
Again, pride where are you

(i wonder sometimes
if they miss me)

on saturday nights
of poking away on
someone else's laptop

on sunday mornings
of flustered staggered
movements behind backs

(do they miss me
do they even notice that
i'm gone or is somebody
else better than i ever was?)

is anybody else as
frustrated as me?

or was i the exception to
some typographical rule?

and do they wish that
i was still around to fix
all their mistakes

(to get walked on
at short notice)

can they even tell that
i'm not the one behind
the screen anymore?

i don't know
but i wonder

(if anybody
misses me)*

if anybody
remembers me

because i can't
forget them.

Your leaving. Your going. Going to serve your country. Going to serve the Red, White, and Blue. My brother i love you. Don't leave me. You have been there for me through everything. Grandmas death, moms breakdown, soccer tryouts. Everything. You've been there for me since I was born. I will miss you. I don't know what I'd do if something ever happened to you. I watch the videos on Youtube of those soldiers coming home and surprising their families.. I don't want to be that little sister that hasn't seen her brother in two or three years and he just shows up during her school day in front of everyone or that girl that think her big brother that was always there cant be at her graduation. I wanna know your safe and nothing will happen to you. If I freaked about your motorcycle accident what makes you think I could go two or three years at a time without you and without knowing you WILL come back. I miss you already. Don't leave me. Please. I can't take this world anymore. they tell me you will be okay and that you will be fine and nothing will happen. I don't believe them. How do they know you'll be okay.. How do you know..? Stay. Friend. Best friend. I love you bubby. Don't join up... Please...

I know my love is not more important than loneliness
We went so far that it changed your past
It’s not remembering my name but what I was to you
I reached you but still it didn’t last

I’ve become balcony sunsets washed by tides of butterfly’s
Knowing you’re out there makes my heart listen
It’s strange though how we want to listen to something sad
While the roof we built lets the rain in

You walked in the river where I stand
As long as my feet are wet
My soul is a part of everything we planned
I know it’s not my choice anymore
But I’m strong enough to forgive you
And I’m strong enough to still love you

The golden rails to you are being laid night after night
My shadow lays next to them by day
I can’t make it happen but beauty is nature’s story
It’s my imagination that knows what it will say

You walked in the river where I  swim
As long as my body is wet
My life is a part of everything within
I know it’s your choice now
But I’m strong enough to miss you
And I’m strong enough to live without you

She knew it was really over this time. No second chances. No apologies. Just a goodbye. A best friend, a lover soon to be stranger. From talking everyday to 2 second check ups out of regrets. To now becoming a bitter memory. When you finally utter why you wanted them to stay… it’s generally too ******* late.
Make a phone call to nowhere– no one is home. Knock on your chest- there's no answer
everything is broken.
And you to realize.
As pieces of what was,  lie before you  
And my darling, you’re alone again.