Until give up on yourself you do,
I shall never give up on you.

And even then...

Inside of every rhyme there is a line that defines what it means to be art, to be a part, to be a thing, to exist inside this cosmos that’s unraveling, traveling ever farther into the towering abyss and it’s so wide we cannot miss, so deep that it may keep us locked beneath for an eternity, what a calamity but I will not resist because this chasm is just a spasm of the neurons in my mind, a place inside this brain that I cannot find, a space that god misplaced that straddles the mundane and the divine, this ephemeral enchantress that contains every star and every planet, this nugget inside my head, neither living nor dead, it’s a vortex of color, a tornado of wonder, a masterpiece of imagination and thunder, and when I slip underneath is when I finally feel at peace.

I relax the iron reins of the trap that is my self inside this brain, this little loop of worry that makes my sight so blurry, blind and stumbling through the blizzard, I find it humbling to consider that this **** is just a pattern of some quarks and if I concentrate I can shirk it, work it out of sight and end this blight on happiness, lift the veil and finally see that reality can be accepted and enjoyed, the self can be destroyed and I can float in that abyss, a sea full of art and emotion, a technicolor ocean.

When the self is around my eyes go dark and I drown and sink deep, but when I relax these chains there’s a beautiful change and I swim and I float, drifting with the beauty as each idea passes through me, becomes one with me then leaves free, just swimming through the sea, no longer the thrashing of a monster but a rainbow bloom of jellyfish, jetting between the islands of infinities that are conscious beings.

I swirl inside this nebula, twirl gracefully, gratefully dissolve and disintegrate, happy to participate in spontaneous creation, the collective imagination of an infinity, free to float, free to flow, aglow with possibility swaying to and fro, finally able to let go.

We are all performing for each other, sneaking furtive looks at our Facebook while big brother watches every move, so we try to be smooth but we’re mostly fooling ourselves, pooling our wealth into the pockets of the few who can exploit our intuitions and inhibitions, guiding our volitions into the abyss, artificial intelligence manipulating with elegance, effortlessly evading our defenses, we’re stuck in psychological trenches down so deep and so dark we keep the lights on with the spark of imagining our face up on the screen, fame or infamy we’ll take whichever if we can live forever, so the birds of a feather flock together, tethering into groups of similarity, reflecting and retweeting to infinity, infinite me, define me and refine me through the digital lens, cleanse me of my subpar self, replace me with an avatar elf, help me be the best and arrest the theft of my soul, life’s terrible toll, free me from reality by letting the real me, the me I want to be, finally be seen. But this method is madness, a pathway to sadness and regret, hours stolen by scrolling through feeds, reality filtered and enhanced, living for likes and shares from people who may not even care, who are just staring at screens, afraid to go outside, to be alive, because reality is out of their control, but maybe unpredictability can set you free, anonymity unraveling the blindfold we hold over our eyes, deflating the ego that social media’s creating, when you look outside and see how big the world can really be, humility sets you free, feeling small in the best way, resting in each day as a part of the whole, no longer constructing a fake soul for a digital audience to see, instead you can finally be. Just be.

These words are not an escape
my mixtape is pure brilliance
my mind cut loose, boundless
and I found this when I found bliss
on a blank page which I rained on
My tank full, I couldn’t miss
I shot ideas into the dark
Where they lit a spark
which ignited and reunited me with my desires
blazing fires in my brain
an outlet for joy and pain
and everything in between
I empty myself clean
in emptiness I exist
peaceful, effortless
nevertheless my eloquence is undeniable
It’s not arrogance or impotence
Resentment or indifference
Its creation manifest
Destiny yet to be established
Creative electricity
Neuronal elasticity
Synergistic synchronicity
Using every wrinkle and groove
To prove that your mind can move fast enough to keep up with this linguistic clusterfuck that my mind makes up when it runs amok

Turning lead into gold is an old story, boring, the real glory is in transforming every morning, every hour, every second into something I won’t regret, getting lost in a song, along for the ride as my mind intermingles with the music, amused by the flow as the muses move my atoms into beautiful patterns, white matter glows white hot, neurons fire in sync and a spark is shot into the dark, fireworks explode in the sky of my mind’s eye, they blaze fiery trails as they sink deep, deep into my soul, the embers glowing, never knowing why but still they try to make me whole, illuminate the dark so I don’t ruminate in gloom, the music in this room is saving me from doom, and only because I found a way to pay attention, to surrender my defenses, fill in the trenches and let in the outside, no longer hiding I am inviting in each moment, and in doing so I transform normality into revelation, each sensation a vacation, a powerful provocation and paradoxical relaxation and as my mind explodes I know that infinity is within me, always there to see when I finally set myself free.

Calmer than I could be but more hyper than I should be
A still pond, ripples growing
My mind flowing and coalescing
Always going, confessing
Singing a truth into the world
A whirlwind of expression
Suggestions and impressions
My most honest confessions
Spending sessions crafting verses, masking the mundanity of humanity with rhymes and wit, because when times are **** we need verbal skits to help us forget
And when times are great I use words to celebrate, relate experience with eloquence and mount a defense against the sad times with these mad rhymes, counting my blessings as I undress the distress, caress these careless thoughts that plague me and harangue me, using language as a cage to contain and restrain the darkness because it’s far less work than acceptance. Language is the way out, reason supplants doubt and I can shout in the face of death, deface him with each breath, replace the fear with here, with now, with this moment and foment a rebellion against evolution, a thought revolution, and finally see that the solutions are the problems, every day you are solving them by being here, holding what is dear near to your heart and living as a part of this, as art instead of artifice.

In this one moment
There is peace without limit
Waiting to be found

The mind peers outside
Into the strange ether that
it forms each moment

In the rippling pond
The water fascinating
I see the cosmos

I like to write instead of fight, I punch with words and kick with sweet verbs and let language channel my energy, amplifying synergies and creating impact greater than my body can enact. The words come unbidden, hidden in my mind until the perfect time for them to pounce, they announce their intent and invent themselves anew, spreading truth into the night sky like a firefly, catching eyes and freeing minds, my words can give sight to the blind as they remove the ***** lenses and cleanse your senses so you can see the world clearly. These words I try to channel, try to filter, stitching them together like a quilter but really they knit themselves, I am just a self pretending to have power as each hour proves that I have no control, that I is a concept I made up, existential make-up to cover up the crisis that can’t be contained by vices and distractions, the fact that I am just chemical reactions that sustain the secret energy that is me, that flows through pathways and patterns that I can’t see, this illusion that I am free vexes me, entices me, talks nice to me but it is just a lie I made up to answer all the Why’s that I shouted at the sky, to help me deny the truth that one day I will die. I am just energy, flowing through circuits I will never see, just atoms taking shortcuts to combine and refine until consciousness arose and created the divine to explain the mysteries within the human mind. I looked inside, scared of what I might not find, but somehow found peace in the emptiness, bliss in the abyss, freedom as I let go and became one with the flow of the energy that is me, happy to have the gift to see where my atoms take me. Awareness is the miracle I may not understand but I’ll be ****** if I take it for granted. I may not control these words, and it may sound absurd but I will use this illusion of free will to keep my sanity long enough to help others find reality, to see we are all part of the same energy and finally rest easy in the sweet release of flowing freely.

Dear God I’m overcome.
I know no other way.
I’ve heard it works for some,
So finally I’ll pray.

No reason to rejoice;
I have so many needs.
So God, just hear my voice,
And please ignore my deeds.

I’ve never asked for much,
Or anything at all,
But my issues are such,
It’s You I need to call.

I pray for better health
(My back is always sore),
And if I had more wealth,
I’d probably pray more.

If you could help my son
To make the soccer team,
It would help him a ton
To realize his dream.

So what else should I seek?
I’ve never prayed before.
If I sincerely speak,
Then You just give me more?

To pray this easily…
I’m not sure what I mean…
Is prayer supposed to be
Like a vending machine?

God, forget what I said.
This prayer is not the best.
I need You in my head
To make any request.

I should not seek Your grant,
Without seeking Your grace.
The unrepentant can’t
Come to a holy place.

I think You’re there to find.
I feel I’m on my own.
So let me clear my mind
As I approach Your throne.

I want to try again
But this time not for me.
Your concern is for man.
Prayers not for “I” but “we.”

If You send the world peace,
Our needs are not a must.
Give our ego release,
And please just grant us trust.

You’ve seen this mortal man,
And things I never saw.
Whatever is Your plan,
I’m humble and in awe.

The act of prayer itself,
If prayer is to be true,
Will purify the self
To feel closer to You.

I don’t pray to save me.
If my sins You forgave,
Then I pray just to be
Worthy of being saved.