Sometimes I see her at the side of my bed;
Reading me a story;
Kissing me goodnight,
The lights go out
Sometimes her face is so clear
Like I saw her yesterday;
She is right there in front of me
I reach out to give her a hug
She ripples and fades
Like she
was never
there at all
Sometimes I hear her heart,
Beating like she's still here
When it stops, the pain starts all over
When she's gone, time stops;
When she returns, we bleed;
When she returns, we breathe;
When she returns
We are free

Ask me not how far
it's only a day
and night space apart!
But its been like this
since time immemorial!

If it had been a heart attack
There would have been a chance,
But in its stead the news I heard
Had wiped hope at first glance.

If you were family, by that
I mean if I was fair,
I would have treated you with love
And been there in despair

I would have been a son to you,
I would have heard you out,
I would have cooked and drank with you,
I should have with no doubt.

Last week I should have stopped to say
Goodbye for one last time,
Instead I said hello and left,
Regret is now all mine.

For all the times I’ve told others
That family comes first,
It’s criminal how I neglect
The one who was most hurt.

I always said that I can wait
To say what should be said
But now, tonight, a hypocrite
I am to be instead.

I am the son you never had.
I’m sad, I must confess,
I was not what you had deserved,
But you loved me no less.

Farewell, so long, my dear Uncle
The words I should have said
Are hastily scribbled in
A poem to the dead.

A shadow cast across the room
Adopts a lonely size
Familiar, singular;
Belonging to a bride’s.

The turning of a curtain’s cord,
As the breeze blows by,
Rattles in an empty room
Which was occupied.

What good are words that can’t be heard
Or read by whom they’re for?
An open fist that grasps for wind
And memories from before.

She’s waiting in a wedding dress
Perhaps her groom is late?
But that is fine, she has the time;
Forever thirty-eight.

Death seems to come out of nowhere at times

And yet, death is everywhere

It is and one day will be everyone, and everything we know, everything we love, everything we care about

One day, it will be us

Today, death is Ian.

Death is Ian, with the goofy long hair and sleepy face and **** smile

Is it wrong to think of someone just-dead as ****?

Death is everywhere, every moment, but today, tonight, death is especially heavy.

Death is questions.
Is dying from kidney failure painful?
What happens now?

Death is an empty chair and desk in several classrooms on Monday, eyes drawn toward it but not lingering.

Death is a locker full of belongings never to be opened by its owner again.

Will they empty his locker?

Use it as a memorial?

Death is knowing that the name ‘Ian’ is on the mind of so many people in Carteret tonight.

Death is never graduating from high school. Never going to college. Having kids.

Death is the negative. The permanent.

Death is personal but impersonal, impartial and omniscient.

Death is not knowing which one is better.

Death is knowing that life will go on.

Life will go on with the loss of life.

Death is personal, singular tonight, for us, but it is unifying.

More than a pep rally, more than school spirit.

Death unifies hundreds of different people tonight in a way that is unexpected, uninvited, yet irrevocable.

Death is everyone and everything. Every age, every gender, every religion, sexuality, status, history, personality.

Tonight, death is Ian Jacob.

I watch as an older woman in a red flowery
dress holding yellow flowers looks out to the sea
Searching for the young man she fell
in love with at the ripe age of twenty three
He gave his life that day on the Normandy shore
on the sixth of June the year was forty-four
Every year this woman comes to the sea to remember
For when she said her marriage vows
she meant them to last to the end of her forever
She throws the yellow flowers out to the sea
Always grateful for the love they shared
and proud that he fell in the cause for the free

30 on the speed limit 90 on the dash
I'm driving reckless I don't even care if I crash
Told the homies I was just going for a drive to get some air
But I'm swerving thru all the lanes and no pain can compare
To what I feel inside
I think I wanna die
I just lost my best friend
I can't do nothing but cry
I'm glad I saw her on her last day I don't know why
Why'd you have to leave me here and go to the sky
Toni why
How can I do this life without you
You were in Florida but I was all about you
My favorite aunt, we was joined at the hip
My favorite person, how could I ever forget
You used to get me all those things
Those kisses that would sting
My love for was never material
Now for you I sing
Like why
You only had one vice
I never met a person that was that nice
The soul of an Angel and you had the mood too
I don't know why it was Florida you had to move to
But I wasn't around then, what could I say
I talk to you more now than I did in your days
I'm crying now, I wish you could've stayed
I guess God has to take his best angels away
But it's ok because I know you're in a better place
And whenever there's a butterfly I see your face
A kind soul no one could ever replace
Someone that was too good for this human race
I'm running outta words to put on the page
I'm sure you would've loved Luke Cage
Since you been gone I done things you'd be ashamed of
I wish I could show you all the things I'm made of
I don't want to be someone you're afraid of
I hope whatever happens, you still have the same love
I really hope you can see me
Sometimes it's really hard just to be me
I'm learning one day at a time
Not a day goes by you're not on my mind
There's always something around here to remind
Myself of something I will never find
In Toni's passing, she will always shine
Maybe I had to let go of what wasn't mine
You deserved more than what you gained
Uncle d told me about that guy that left you in the rain
He took advantage of your kindness it brings me pain
Makes me wonder how many people did the same
I really wish I could make him feel the blame
But you'd never see me the same again
Turn the other cheek is what you taught me then
Hopefully for you heaven let's me in
Losing you really made me cold
This world is hard without your hand to hold
But no matter what, Toni I gotta stay bold
I promise to be strong for you, never fold

Memorial Remains
What particles of visual and the glory days
Left on this floppy disc inserted of the lost days
Here it loads
and such does the feelings in weird and wild ways.
Take it for what it is
a glory kept for the falling soldier and his remaining family
who has memory stored like a computer
however, the Human feeling part remains.
So define it as you wish.
These scraps of data, excuse me, "Memories.."
they still are celebrated and retold the best in the ways in which we can in "Life's Drama Part."
Now, as the audience remembers, this is the start.
Of what is left. Years later
As the brain strains
to recall the memories flashed from many years of missing and surviving after that one had fallen
So, to the next chapter to write of survival
Only the power of self-preservation is what constraints
from one to jump aboard
the Grim Reeper's Train.

Can there be anything better than this?

When the grass now can dance, and the flowers can swing
When the sun smiles wide, and the birds start to sing
As the clouds, all fade out, as waters soon do shine
For the butterflies fly, and the humans are kind

Must I ask it again, what is better than this?

May no rain come down unless plants start to wither
Or animals cry because they see the winter
Please, know that the heat can only do so much
So then nothing is better, there's nothing of such

When lights of the cities make way for the stars
As the night meets the calming, silence mutes the cars
So we dance in the night or we sleep till the day
For there's nothing to fear on this good holiday
I simply hope that you know that-that is okay

And that you too have a wonderful, fun, holiday.