Every lil student knows
Velocity is relative
It takes two to compose
And means nothing on ones own
Vanishes without a trace
There's no fast and no slow
When drifting in space
But gravity pulls us closer
And lonely bodies move to others
Lets them know velocity
Mirrored in their passing brothers
And **** if that's not me
And why I slip people like Ali
I don't want to let those mirrors
Reveal painful truths about me
I don't blame them for it either
It's not their fault that mine are there
But I see them in their eyes
And alone they disappear

i. i've been praying all week for my shaky bones to harmonize with the crash of the city downpour, but right now they just yearn to collide gracefully with the strong bones of someone who has yet to learn the meaning of 'rhythm'. i ask myself, staring out at the rain, "what does it mean? to conduct an orchestra of chaos? of thunder?"

ii. i've been praying for this grief to be good to me, to solidify my roots, to ground me & make me the version of myself that i couldn't be when my heart was still at its fullest. i can't stop begging for loss to be what makes me before it breaks me.

iii. i've been praying for an autumn angel again, to remember how it feels to be so fragile beneath the cool & careful touch of another that i can't help but shiver / revive / shrivel / fall / die. (one more fallen leaf lain to rest among the others.) maybe this month i will rest again, my ghosts whispering "suddenly" or "finally", knowing it is all the same.

Wings of darkness float my way
I am the ocean, a sprawling black mess
But I still can't sea
Harsh orange rages on forever
Words are scattered like puzzle pieces that won't fit
Colours unravel whether or not I want
It's too much, trying too hard to be victorious
The whispering, the endless laughter, it's driving me to a pit
Pain takes flight as a member of a controlling fleet
Embracing the full fury of a blackened spiral
To slowly drag me away to a chamber of scorching heat
Everything feels so painful, yet I don't stop it
Because it's glorious
For one moment, I feel triumphant
Soon the feeling will drag me under with it
But to hell with long-lasting pleasure
Serenity
Happiness
Wings of darkness take me away

Sorry to disappoint
But I'm starting to crack
I took on too much
Now I'm slipping
Tired eyes, tired heart, exhausted mind
I wish not to bother you
With my melodramatic problems
I do not want to be here now
I want to be free
With my poems to keep me company
At this point
I don't think I can promise anything
I'm sorry to disappoint
I'm sorry

And the wave is crashing
Oh here comes another
Well, this is no fun at all
To think of it!
That I wouldn't be a sailor.
Oh and again.
Up we go.
Rile me over ocean
Drown me once again.
Is this how it ought to be?
My existence has a purpose -
But only to suffer.
And it crashes!
A downward spiral for sure now
What is this cause?
Oh lofty emotion may the waves take you
And me both
I could do with drowning
I really could
Before another wave hits harder still
Bring me the calm of the depth below

There was a spark that made me smile 
It put me to sleep when time could not 
I wished I could ignite that spark that puts life in me 

When I found the spark didn't notice my reaction 
I was near the edge prepared to step off 
How could a spark acknowledge my being 
A spark isn't alive, it's just a result of 2 things, 2 people, interacting 
That's impossible 

Just like you and I are impossible

When the spark, the only spark, died... 
My palms covered my face because it never breathed, for it was never embraced, or born