i long for a love
that will break me,
eat me whole
and spit me out aching.
i want to love
as achilles loved patroclus,
with a burning in my heart
and a madness
that would tear
even the fates apart.

my hands reach for the strings
but i have butterfingers, and i hesitate too much
another missed chance, another lost opportunity

i wanted to tell you first
the confession was sitting on my tongue
but it burned down my cowardly throat instead

every time, the acceptance settles in my heart
heavy, like a small weight on my chest
at least i can carry my regrets without anyone seeing

go ahead, keep the lights shining on me
as i dance with someone who deserves better
who should have received a whole world

but if you look closely, all i had to offer was an arm to hold
and a smile for the pictures when we needed to pose
for my whole world was already in someone else's arms

i don't think you understand
just how hungry i am for you
my lips water
at the very thought
of your skin against mine
all teeth and claws
and hands in my hair
eyes alive with starvation
fork and knife ready
begging you
to let me eat you whole.

i rewind my watch so many times
grasping the leather for a touch of magic
to bring back all that we once had

the lights illuminate the night sky
and i watch from the carnival ride
reminded of the last time we had stood here

as tonight goes down in flames
i cannot help but hope this is how we die
young and dumb and unafraid

the two of us are both in someone else's arms
separated by a sea and a telephone wire
you would have told me to be brave

This hand that I waved you at, was the hand that our hands were once held.

even now
i am haunted by you still
i see you everywhere,
i hear you every time
the waves crash into the shore
and feel you each time
the wind caresses my skin.
our songs play
and my day comes to hault
i'm back to those summer nights,
wrapped inside your arms
honey and clementines
bleeding from our lips.

in those moments i realise
how deeply you are buried
into my being,
as if my bones are made
from magnets
searching just for you.