I cared to be loved,
Loved the adoring.
He swore that he did.
Oh, the great deceiving!
Was it him or me— who's at fault?
For I felt nothing, not for him, not at all.
If I were him, I too would resent me.
Then why do I not feel guilty?
He was the first to **** me with his—
Words or gaze; his entire existence
Drove me mad. There was no escaping.
If hell was earth, I was in it,
Burned holes into my body every time his two eyes found me, the lovely gazing.
I still bear the scars of thirteen.

the road to hell is paved with good intentions
when do i begin to forgive myself from those i have done wrong
was i a blind youth or am i truly evil
i can only blame myself but i've only followed teen impulses
my heart is not my brain but when do i get to claim separation

can i blame it on my youth or is my youth blamed on me

the time when you are just seven
the time when you just know odd and even
the time when you don't breakeven
missing that year seven
where we are not mistaken
where we are not longing for affection
where issues are not getting worsen
can we begin again

the misted air
that arrives with the winter nights are laced with something strange
The more I breath them in, I don't want to throw them out not that soon
I want to hold them long enough
that they could reach deep enough
Enough to wet the bits of my soul
That has grown infertile and dry
Over the time, when the air around was not warm but burnt deep
And I exhaled smoke while the heart skipped its beat

Standing in front of the mirror,
I always try to look sober,
When precisely I'm losing my consciousness,
Only the mirror knows.
I feel my surrounding falling apart,
When I start looking into my eyes.
I saw a child, as the tears start rolling down!
A smile she gave and shattered my dreadful memories.
She is the one who adheres to my thoughts,
Looking back to myself makes me frightened more.
I'm standing in front of the mirror,
Just wiping the tears slipped from the shore.

ring the
bell
crystal chime
shimmers

ring the
bell
my mind is
a stallion

ring the
bell
to all the people
that at least tried to
love me

ring the
bell
break like the ocean
against the cliff

ring the
bell
and watch every
crown melt

ring the
bell
and bless your
enemies

ring the
bell
and fade away

ring the
bell
you are no
more

ring the
bell
you never were

ring the bell
    your time
     was here
     was now
     was yours

did you drink it deeply

did you try

every moment
was treasure
every moment
was fleeting
every moment
was hiding
every moment
was yours
every moment
was beautiful


like first
heartbreak


like a crying
child


like a
predator



like sleep





ring the bell then and
rest

your smile
was here





and it had
more power
than all
the gods