Why am I tearing up
as I'm looking back at all this stuff?
I know I can't go back to these days,
so what's the point in feeling this way?

I dont remember the last time
I spoke to most of them,
So many of them are married now.
Of course I am happy for my past friends.

Sometimes it's just hard.
These people used to be the light in my life.
I'd run off the school bus to get inside,
just hoping they hadn't started a que yet.

I hoped so strongly back then
that they'd be waiting for me to get back.
Everything changed so fast.
Everything changes so fast...

I cannot run away from you
You're running straight into my heart
This pain is subsiding so slowly.
I can't breath this last breath
I can't weep this last tear,
You're everything I've ever feared.

When I think about those thoughts, I see nothing but fear,
I see nothing but you,
I feel nothing but a tear,
I  feel nothing but the perplexing pounding in my chest, my heart.
I do nothing but breath my silent breaths
Slowly, painfully, slowly, calmly, slowly.

I do nothing but hear the sweet clicks coming to me slowly,
I do nothing but it rises in me; the fear,
I do nothing but it comes more hastily; my breath,
I do nothing but feel so happy; it's you,
I do nothing but it pounds more rapidly; my heart,
I do nothing but they begin to appear; the tears.

I'd do anything to keep these tears,
I'd do anything to make you move more hastily; you're to slow,
I'd do anything to keep this uncontrollable heart,
I'd do anything to keep my hated fear,
To get rid of them would mean to get rid of you.
I'd do anything to keep these trembling breaths.

I want to feel your breath,
I want to wipe away your tears,
I want to be to close to you,
I'd stop being to slow,
I want to take away your fear,
I want to calm your beating heart.

They could be one; our hearts,
It could be ours; each breathe
We could tame it; our fear
They could vanish; our tears
Together we could be to slow
It could be us; me and you.

I love this world of fears and tears
I love the beating of slow hearts
I love the feeling of your breathing

whisk me away on a ship that's not there.
To an island full of gators! that have been covered in hair.
exploring misty mountains! and climbing epic trees!
diving to the bottom, of the air in the breeze.
imagine a life like that, think of life full of tales!
fighting great monsters, that has a full nine tails!
take me away to a life just with you,
to a world of bickering, but never between two.
now the Lord calls us in, to sleep in her kites.
dreams of flying high, and falling in love with the night.
as you dream away beneath me, I wonder sad and clear.
what comes of tomorrow, if the air is mighty queer?
do we stay inside our castle and find an evil spy?
or go outside in the gales?
and let our imagination,
take flight.

She sits on the air, and talks with the breeze.
She walks with that style, and mocks me as I freeze.
I swear she stopped a rain storm,
And you could swear she just said no.
She's a mountain of power, and an engine of burning coal.
Those eyes sharp as glass, and slicker than some ice.
I swore to her I'd stop, but I kept it going on thrice.
I never knew she felt, I didn't think she could.
But I saw her there, weeping, and tugging, and pulling out her hair.
I knew then I was nothing, nothing to her, but pain,
taking away the joy, of her. My Beloved rain.

I'm freezing cold as my
insides burn,
my body lapped up by
flames of frustration and feelings of failure;

lonely in the most crowded of rooms,
fighting to find meaning in a city full of answer keys,
the most educated of the inexperienced and the
least successful of the most ambitious;

adventuring in ambiguity,
road tripping with no map,
the drive is long, the horizon lost in the sea of darkness;

sleeping passes time,
but the past's vivid dreams seem harder to find;

where am I (fromnowgoingheadedstranded)?

(Utterances)

Year ending brings to mind
past occurrences....
and matching
utterances
::::::::::

...when making quick, vital decisions.....and ambiguity takes center stage:

"what if....."
"****** if you do,
****** if you don't!"

...when angered by uncertainty...and results are no longer important:

"what will be,
will be..."
"come hell
or high waters..."

...when love and reason are conflicting my already confused mind:

"selflessness...
right moment...
patience...
unconditional
hope...love...faith
never hate..."

...when pressed for time...whether i like it or not:

"what then?
give way...
another time?
but, when?
just wait..."

...there is only i, me, myself......to face the consequences...

words....and....me,
through thick and thin...
through life...
cruising.....

...in whatever point i may arrive...there's no turning back...

whatever happens
whichever words are said,
whatever my feelings are,

i start and end my day
with a grateful smile...

i live through each day
....make it through each night...

(a group of 10W)


Sally

Copyright December 29, 2015
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan

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