someone i know was stuck in singapore
when her father passed away in china
and lately, i think i've developed a fear
of flying, but for all of the wrong reasons

so while others' stomachs perform flips and
all the engines and babies incessantly whine
and while someone worries about their own death
i sit, wholly at peace with the possibility of mine

but still terrified for everything after you drop me off
i am so terrified to just board this plane and fly away
every time i have to turn and leave home again
i am terrified it will be the last time i see your face

to love me like how you love your
cheap hmart wine, to sentimentally sip
at me until you are tipsy and having a
good time; and if i have nothing more to
give, set my empty self on a distant shelf—
forever is a paradise, even if to only ever
hear your laughter from the sidelines

on soft twilight mornings
when the world
still sleeps soundly
the blackbirds singing
their daily sermon
i stretch lazily
the crisp sheets a shroud
i feel the warmth
of the sweet summer sun
kissing my back
and i smile
knowing that you had once
done the same.

I miss the instant connection that we had

Why was it just you?
You,
who through all your drugs and alcohol could still write a paragraph of beauty.
You,
who hid your intelligence under a layer of nonchalance.
You didn’t know how happy I was then
You knew that we clicked like a lock.
But didn’t know that I’ve never felt that before.

You know what I miss?
I miss the ease of a smile around you
The lack of a guard.
The shared brainwave.
I don’t have that here

But the stars are here waiting for you to see
And the roads are open for us to run,
(even though we both despise it with a passion)
And we can sit at a table in the cafeteria and talk about the wildest things but it’s okay
Because they make sense to us.

You know what I miss?
I miss you.

I want to snore
softly into the pillow
toss and turn a few times
wrapping myself tightly with my arms

I want to snuggle
under the weight of the blanket
sheltered from the cold rain
beating the streets outside

I don't want to have that peeing dream
filled with relief, warmth and regret
Neither do I want to share the bed
with anyone
not today, not this time.

I prefer to be stuck in the dream
where the twins are constantly giggling,
and running after each other,
their big sister, having her hair undone by her mum.
And I, looking in from the doorway
always present in their daily lives.

O’ country of my blood,
country of my ancestors
I long for you
Your luscious green landscapes
and your highest mountains
Your beautiful waterfalls
and your fountains
The sound of the neighborhood kids
laughing in the streets,
I long for you

A time where we ran outdoors so excited
we forgot to put our shoes on,
sitting on the front porch buying watermelon from the fruit-cart man,
then sharing it with our friends,
I long for you

Wherever I go I belong to you, one day shall my ashes be scattered and soil with you.

It's been a while,
Don't you think ?
And
I haven't learned a thing
No way I jump
I know I'll sink.
And still
You'd have no clue.
How much
You twist me up
Melt me...
Bind me like glue.
It's silly
Don't you think ?
When I'm driving home
From a good time,
Tell me why
I think of you.