I wrote this piece seated on a skin irritating lawn
maybe it was a plastic table but itching was how it felt
while desperately begging fate to an extent I almost knelt
because I was totally exhausted and bitterly alone

I wrote this whilst I still lifted the desolation load
I guess you were on your way then but coming the toad
while I was deadbeat with no arms to take me aboard
I wrote this long before the song of our romance would download

I wrote this while I was engrossed, battling school
in a kraal of beauty yet shockingly a lonesome bull
I think at the time you still owned a plastic doll
when I totally doubted there was even the slightest of chance I'd ever fall

I wrote this piece evading sleep for the fear of creepy dreams
tears cascading down my eyes like fountains down the streams
consequent to the ache underneath every emotional scar
and doubting our encounter would ever occur

I wrote this relieving the imaginary side to my story's end
too boring a love story to predict what lay beyond the bend
something deduced from the notes my heart would send
even before you were a stranger let alone a friend

I wrote this before we met courtesy of a surprisingly considerate fate
before I'd dare imagine that lass in my fantasy was you
when I saw no difference twixt love and hate
and so much disbelieved that people are capable of staying true

I wrote this long before overcoming my insecurities and doubt
then when my soul was but a creepy dark empty place
prior setting eyes upon the flamboyant heavenly face
when I clearly saw no possibility of making out*

then when passion and romance were just a myth
when the sharp two sided sword of my affection was hidden in its sheath
when my heart was my mind and mind was my heart
Believe me, I wrote this when we were still by destiny set apart

I'd shoot arrows to the sky if you were a star
I'd break into paradise if you were an Angel
I'd drown dead if you were a sea or a lake
I'd bake everyday if you were a piece of cake
I'd be a gardener if you were a Rake, I'd have no brake
if you were speed, I'd heal from every ache if you were an enema
I'd entangle a million if you were an enemy
I'd never hold my breath if you were the air
I'd endlessly love you albeit you showed me no care
I'd die of anxiety if a future with you was promised
even if I was promised just a moment with you my cherished
I'd be contented with a mere shadow if it was given
and forget the haunting past that I've hardly forgiven
if I could just have a single kiss I'd count that we broke even
with life, maybe for once I'd prefer not death to living
if you were even the longest road I'd never dust my feet
I'd never surrender if you were a price for battle
till my heart's splattered I'd never admit defeat
for a life without you is just equally fatal
I'd willingly force my way into hell if Satan took you captive
for even the blaze of my unrequited passion's equally massive
call it explosive for nothing's ever been this obsessive
if you were music, I'd probably be deaf at the moment
for your beauty's a rhythm I'd play on, recurrent
I'd touch a high voltage live wire if you were current
I'd risk a swim if you were trapped in a volatile torrent
I'd do anything for you if you had seen beyond the visible
hadn't we not turned out totally immiscible
if you had just listened to my heartbeat and heard
my soul calling out your name albeit it's scarred
I could have risked everything to share this life with you
after all loving you is among those few things I know how to do
guess it doesn't matter now for I'll never be like those
welcome to your domicile, those for whom you open for your arms and doors

My mother taught me so much but one of the things
she didn't is how to lift my hand and wave or say goodbye
I don't know how to hoodwink the heart by a psychic lie
I was taught so much about treasuring people
and letting them in but nothing about letting go
about turning the back from the life shared
the moments of joy, the torments and the conundrums
I know how to seed friendship in the soils of my soul
but uprooting the attachment is impossible for the pain
I was taught how to smile at friends and to always cry to them
there's nowhere they said sometimes you have to disguise
the melancholy, secrets by only crying in the rain
I know so much about attraction but nothing about repulsion
everything about familiarity and none about expulsion
I don't know how to write those sadly sweet words of farewell
for there is nothing fair about leaving, nor does it feel well
I don't know ******* all the hope inside of a shared future
something about which I was never tutored
the optimism that we can live this close happily ever after
that we can still work out, marry or get married yet still share laughter
from the foolish ****** jokes in the absence of our kids
I loathe the direction to which this road seemingly leads
contrary to the one I envision, one where we still party all night
with a great cohesion that triumphs every argument and fight
I can't get myself to believe that we totally have no control
that the final was probably the last time I watch with my pals ball
or pop bottles and jump sky high to the rhythm of the city night
soaring with flooding passion like an eagle or a kite
I'm never saying goodbye, won't abide by that end
for I want to be the first to beat the odds of the rest of my life
I want to have this family even closer, each and every friend
to party, crack jokes, point out lasses till I find a wife
I want to be the first to say we were not all about class
that's why I'll always treat each one of you carefully like a glass
enough to keep me close to your heart even when continents apart
even when I happen to loudly do a stenchy ****
I want to weave this friendship as intricately as a mat
so that it may never be suffocated by any kind of dirt
so don't bother saying goodbye, don't do that
because I promise, something I seldom do
that each one of you pawpaws and rabbits will always be in my heart
it will never matter where we are or who we become
I'm ready for the sticks of destiny to hit the karma drum
I'm ready for whatever is waiting right ahead
but whatever it is, this friendship will count even after I'm dead
for the love I have for you is deeper than the deepest sea
you're most gorgeous of nature's my eyes will ever see
I'd pluck each of you a star to turn every wound into a scar
if I had the powers, I'd buy each one a chopper or a car
to enable us keep this thing going on till forever wherever that is
otherwise I'd turn around and never look back if it were that easy
I'd quickly write each one of you the best bittersweet poem saying goodbye
if I was certain in the process I wouldn't breakdown and cry
I'm not walking away, only foolish people walk away from family
after all the friendship which took us past the calculus waves
might be the shoulders we need to reach the future each of us craves
I stick to you all...you're a family anyone would wish to have
I choose where my heart is, I stick with the ones I love

oh my god
I'm so sad....

I'm not depressed
I'm not angry
I'm just sad

sad
and empty.
lonely.

there's nothing else to say anymore.
I have no words.
I just sit at home wishing I had friends
I'm jealous of relationships people can form
I can't describe how I feel
I have one person
and I'm alone when they're not here

I'm just sad...
someone help me

It ***** that I miss you,
it hurts that I never ever had a chance to kiss you
wait a minute, can't believe it...
I haven't forgotten your number,not even a digit
it angers realising I'm no longer the comics on your thread
the best Facebook posts and tweets you read
I doubt I'm in your heart when you evicted me from your head
it ***** that I'm no longer that call you lust for at daybreak
the ears that listened to your endless lamentations
the ocean where you channelled your tears when you had a headache
miss being the lad you confide in your outrageous contemplation
I'd go back if you could return to the lady you used to be
sacrificing much of this present cause you mean lots to me
I miss the jolly girl who had big dreams and hated reality
that you changed is a travesty with utmost fatality
you were that lass who understood and explored my despair
the only mortal who'd see the invisible stair
up my utopian architectural castles hanging in the air
whatever happened so much so that you hardly even care
you're far albeit I tried to keep us as close as it once was
but the more I kept knocking the tighter you locked the doors
it hurts that I didn't manage to let you know what lies in my heart
can't imagine anyone else loving me without ripping me apart
it's sad that you'll never get to know the comfort you brought
and the courage with which I rowed when we were in the same boat
you locked me out and walked singly into the dawn
say for the lack of a better word you termed us apart "alone"
yet now you pride in company of your own
with a bevy of beauties who kicked me off my throne
if I'd known that we'd drift before the epilogue
I would have said goodbye to your charm at our prologue
it hurts that you don't know that it hurts missing you
it hurts but there's nothing much I can do
I can't return to the past that is clearly lost
neither can I cast out your spell fingers crossed...
for I'm still crazily in love with the one I can't have
drowning in these tumultuous thoughts barely alive
hanging on a thread and hoping I survive